Courses Never Did Run Smooth
by The Author's Mighty Pen
Summary: When the scandalous news that Lady Anna Smith had a man die in her bedroom finally breaks, she leaves her home in Yorkshire to ride out the storm in America. After a dismal month in New York, she takes up an offer to ride west to see California. In the company of cowboy rancher, John Bates (who invites her to visit his spread in Northern California), she discovers a new world.
1. Prologue: Fleeing Across the Pond

_Mother and Father believed me. At the end of the day, in the darkest hours of the nights I lay awake in my room, that gave me comfort. They determined that since most of the world wouldn't, because what woman is accosted in her own house by a visitor, then the best solution would be to run away._

 _Not for long, they insisted, but for now. In the end I really wasn't sure if it was because they wanted to protect me or because they wanted to protect themselves. I guess it didn't matter in the end. My influence over our family could ruin not only our reputation but also my father's delicate business interests and since so many lives depend on the solvency of my family… We all make sacrifices for those who matter to us._

 _So there I was, disgraced and embarrassed, and running away to America. Socially to my grandmother, who I hadn't seen in ages, but more correctly to try and bear the weight of my family's shame. I was there to see if England and its inhabitants could forget the man who died in my bedroom. No, the man who died in my bed._

 _What I didn't tell anyone, though they guessed it from my face and my appearance when they found me, was that his advances were more than forcing himself toward me. He forced himself on me. Even in polite society they don't think educated men of our positions can be the bastions of such brutality._

 _That, in a perverse way, was what killed him I think. His delicate upbringing as a man of the county gave him a weak heart. His belief that he was somehow special or better than the others gave him a weak sense of respect for others. And his belief that anyone was his to take gave him a weak understanding of me._

 _I fought back as best I could. His weight and practice (though I shudder to think I was not the first… I know I could not have been but it doesn't make the realization better that other women suffered under his hand as I did) held me almost immobile while he forced me. But my fist on his chest, banging repeatedly, gave his heart too much._

 _Even now, watching the copper figure of the Lady Liberty rising over the Hudson Bay, I can't say which is worse. The fact that he left me violated in my own bed or that he then died there. Even after months of pretending he died in his own bed, even after the harrowing ordeal of dragging his body through the halls of my family's home with the help of Gwen and my mother, even after realizing I wouldn't have to bear his child… I still can't say._

 _But this is why I'm here, so I never have to say. So I never have to face girls I danced in big ballrooms with and tell them I'm not the damaged goods they whisper behind fans I am. So I never have to face men who once stumbled over themselves to marry me tell me they're no longer interested. So I never have to face myself._


	2. Welcome to the Gilded Age

She handed over her papers and waited for the agent to finish reviewing her information before handing them back.

"Welcome to New York Ms. Smith."

"It's 'Lady Smith'."

"What?"

She shook her head, his American accent grating a bit on her ears. "Never mind. It's obviously not important since I'm here now is it?"

The man appeared even more confused than when she began so instead she sighed, smiled, and walked past him to meet the ginger-haired woman waiting for her near the exit. They walked together, noting the man standing near a woman in a fur coat far too gaudy for the customs receiving line and too extravagant for the neighborhood. When she noticed them she waved enthusiastically, chattering to the man standing next to her, and then mounting the stairs to take Ms. Smith in a dramatic hug.

"Oh Anna it's been far too long since you've visited me here."

"Yes," Anna extricated herself from the woman's grip with difficulty, "It's been far too long Grandmama."

"But now that you're here you'll be delighted to learn that I've got your whole stay planned out." Her grandmother wound her arm through Anna's, dragging her along toward the carriage.

"You couldn't possibly have it all planned because I don't know how long I'm staying." Anna worked herself free enough to face her grandmother. "I'm here to ride out the storm and then, once it's over, I have to go home."

"So your parents can marry you to some boring old gentleman who spends too much time talking about horses and cigars?" She laughed, but it almost cackled in Anna's ears. "Darling, you're here for a very long time. It'll take nigh on an eternity for the world to forget the Turkish diplomat who died in the bed of a Lady from Yorkshire."

"Even so-"

"Tonight we've got the Bryants and then, tomorrow for lunch, we'll be seeing the Sampsons. I know you met their son the last time you were here so you should remember him."

"That was ten years ago Grandmama."

"You've got a good memory." Her grandmother climbed into the carriage and Anna shared a grimace with the ginger-haired woman before she climbed after her grandmother.

The ride was every bit as agonizingly torturous as Anna imagined and when they finally arrived at the expansive estate just outside the city limits she could hardly contain her sigh of relief. The driver helped her disembark first and she immediately went to the side of the ginger-headed woman. "Gwen, how soon can we risk it all and go back?"

"It's only been a few hours milady."

"I know, but," Anna looked over her shoulder to see her grandmother, still twittering away, "I can't take another hour of this."

"I guess the decision is whether it's worth it to have her talking away at you for a month or whether you think you would rather bear the stares in a ballroom." Gwen bit her lip, "It's not my place to say milady but-"

"It is your place to say." Anna smiled, "You helped me move his body so I'd say it's as much to do with you as me."

"Then I think this is marginally easier than having to face whatever scandal waits for us back in England. At least until someone else of equal or greater note finds a way to put themselves on the front pages."

"We can only hope for a case of schadenfreude."

"Considering how many people are already having it at your expense my dear," Her grandmother took Anna's arm again, surprising her. "I'd say it's not an evil request to make to whatever force of the universe is listening."

"You're not going to tell me to pray to God to forgive my sins?"

"That's the duty of your other grandmother." She waved a hand as if batting down Anna's argument. "I'm here to give you comfort in a difficult time. I'm your port in the storm."

Anna closed her eyes, "And any one will do."

"That's the spirit. See," She patted Anna's cheek, "You've got a bit of the Americas in you after all. Breeding in Yorkshire can't get rid of what's imprinted on the core of you."

"If you say so."

"I do say so. 'Have Gun, Will Travel' is the motto of this country and this family."

"I thought it was-"

"Not anymore." Her grandmother pulled her into the house. "I've redecorated since you were last here and your uncle's taken his own liberties with the setting so we'll have an adventure finding your room."

Anna endured her grandmother's company for another hour that included a tour of the house and a preliminary description of the grounds. All of it managed by an efficient staff who reminded Anna, with pangs to her soul, of those she missed so terribly at home. If none of them spoke she could pretend they were the people she knew her whole life.

But the moment any of them opened their mouths she was surprised her ears did not bleed at their American accents, some so thick she had to ask three and four times for them to repeat their comment. She could hear them, sniggering behind her back, and for now they only poked fun at her accent or perhaps how lost she seemed here. At least they were not filled with pity about why she was there.

Or bottomless glee at her public demise.

Anna slipped to her room, finding Gwen already unpacking her things to fill the wardrobe. They both sighed at one another before Anna took a chair before the fireplace. As soon as she rested there, trying to release all the pent-up tension keeping her whole body quivering, the tears started.

"Milady." Gwen came to her side, kneeling on the floor next to her until Anna gestured for Gwen to take the chair next to her. "It's going to be alright. We've endured worse than this."

"I do hope you're referring, in this case, to the royal 'we' that means the entire British Government and not my family or you and I."

Gwen struggled to speak a moment, "Well, I was mostly using it as the expression goes, but now that you mention it the only thing worse than being here was us lugging that body down the corridor with your mother muttering her prayers under her breath."

"They blended very inharmoniously with mine." Anna wiped at her eyes, giving a weak smile of gratitude to Gwen when she passed over a handkerchief. "But I don't think God was listening at that moment."

"We dodged the bullet then milady."

"By running across the Pond to the house of a woman who grinds my teeth when she speaks filled with people I can't understand who're already laughing at me while I'm still in the bloody room." Anna dabbed at her eyes, "I don't think we made the best choice Gwen."

"It only feels that way because we haven't settled in."

"I don't want to settle in Gwen." Anna sobbed, trying to steady her breathing. "We're here because a man who had no right to me decided I was his to take. We're here because no one will believe anyone could be so improper in someone else's house. We're here because we're women."

"Then we'll be strong, milady." Gwen reached out for Anna's hand, gripping it tightly. "We're women and we've endured far worse than a bit of inconvenience."

"Have we?"

"Yes and we will again." Gwen scoffed, "They want to laugh at you? Then we laugh right back. They want to believe you're not cut out for this, we prove them wrong. We're in this together, milady, and I've no problem at all bloodying some noses if that's what it takes."

"Oh Gwen," Anna covered Gwen's hand with her own. "Where would I be without you?"

"You'll never have to know milady." Gwen stood, "So, how are we going to knock them dead this evening at that dinner?"

"The black dress." Anna stood, wiping at her eyes and ducking to check her appearance in the mirror. "We're in mourning after all but we're going to wear it well."

"The best, milady." Gwen pulled the dress free. "We're going to gild the black lily and leave them all wanting."

"Instead of us being the ones wanting."

"That's right." Gwen laid the dress carefully on the bed, "Now, where should we start?"


	3. A Dismal Month

Anna laid down her cards, pulling the edges of her mouth to a tight smile when the group of women all exclaimed their surprise at her winning the game again.

"You're always the winner at these things Ms. Smith." The older woman took the cards back, reshuffling them. "Is there anything else you like better than cards?"

"I prefer a great many things to cards." Anna stood, "Excuse me, please, ladies. It's been a long evening and I think I should retire."

"But the game's still going."

"And one should always quit when they're ahead." Anna nodded to them all, pushing her chair back in. "Thank you ladies for an informative evening."

She walked toward the front door, taking her coat with a smile at the footman, and entered the car. Her eyes closed as she leaned back, sighing to herself before opening her eyes and pulling off her gloves. The driver glanced at her through the mirror.

"Good night milady?"

"It's all relative." Anna focused on the scene outside the window. "But I did leave the table with more money than I brought to it and silenced the frustrating condescension of more than a few of those ladies at the table who read English papers."

"Many people do."

Anna stopped, staring at the back of the driver's head, "Do you?"

"I have, milady."

"Do you believe them?"

"I buy into what I know to be true, not gossip milady."

"That's a comfort." Anna leaned back in her seat, "That's a comfort."

They drove back to her grandmother's house and Anna got out of the car, nodding her thanks to the assistance from the footman, and walked through the entryway. With her foot on the bottom stair she heard her grandmother call down to her. Anna turned her head, looking up at the gallery to see her grandmother with her hair caught up in a wrap and wearing a fabulous dressing gown.

"What?"

"I asked how the evening was."

"About as you'd expect." Anna held up her handbag, "I did take money from Mrs. Astor and Mrs. Rockefeller so I'd say it was successful."

"I was hoping you'd come back with some kind of response to any of the proposals being thrown at you."

Anna stopped on a stair, stroking the gloves she held in her hands. "That depends on why they've asked."

"I thought they've all been nice."

"Unfortunately they're men who don't understand what they don't possess."

Her grandmother folded her arms over her chest, pursing her lips when Anna came into view at the top of the gallery. "And what don't they possess?"

"A great many things."

"Like fortunes as big as yours?"

"Like brains." Anna waved a hand, "Money is not an object to me. Lack of intelligence is."

"And you've found every one of them lacking in that department have you?"

"Any of them stupid or prideful enough to propose to me in the month I've been here." Anna leaned forward, kissing her grandmother's cheek, "Goodnight Grandmama."

As she set off down the hallway her grandmother called out to her. "I've invited Alex Green for dinner tomorrow night."

"Who's Alex Green?"

"Friend of Lord Gillingham. You remember him, married Mabel Lane-Fox last year. Real lovely fellow with an English title."

"I think we met at a party." Anna paused, "But why Mr. Green?"

"He's single and he's in town." Her grandmother opened her hands, shrugging, "It's all in the name of the same goal Anna."

"Then I guess I'll put on my best face." Anna headed down the hall to her room, smiling at Gwen when she stood at the ready. "What do I have to wear for tomorrow night that will look like I tried but not get me an undeserved proposal by the end of the night?"

Gwen bit her lip, "I'll find something."

"Perfect." Anna handed over her gloves, "Take ten percent of what I earned tonight for showing me the trick that won me the game."

"There's no need milady."

"There's every need since I dragged you here and we're not forced to satisfy ourselves with this situation."

"It hasn't been all bad milady."

"Not all bad, no." Anna frowned, "Just very bad."

"Is it the proposals?"

Anna shrugged her arm out of the dress sleeve while Gwen pulled it from the cuff. "It's the men themselves. Proposals are what I expected. They're not."

"The Americans?"

"The fools with phrases that border on the imbecilic." Anna sat down at the table to pull the pins from her hair. "Things like, 'I never lived until I saw you' or 'when I entered the ballroom I knew I'd found the girl I dreamed about'."

"Sounds like trashy romance novels and penny dreadfuls milady." Gwen folded the dress over the end of the bed before helping Anna with her hair. "How do you respond?"

"Before or after I finish coughing to cover my laughter?" Anna grinned at Gwen through the mirror. "The reality of it is that Grandmama's right. I came here for a purpose and I'm not doing a very good job of achieving it."

"Going abroad to find a husband you mean?"

"Coming here to escape scandal." Anna closed her eyes, basking in the gentle tug of the brush through her hair before staring at Gwen through the glass. "Do you think I've been too picky?"

"A woman of your stature, no matter the lies and rumors, deserves to be picky about who she has to share her life and money with." Gwen bit her lip before whispering, "Not to mention her bed."

"If tonight is any indication they're already sure I've shared it with the wrong people." Anna lowered her voice to sound like a newspaper crier. "English Lady and heiress found with dead foreigner in her bed. Potential peace talks with rival nation ended in scandal."

"Is that what they're saying?"

"I've avoided the papers so I've no idea." Anna stood, taking the nightgown from Gwen and shimmying into it. "When I look back on it I just wish it was half as eventful as all that. Or, at least, as enjoyable."

Gwen looked at the floor, "Milady, I can't apologize enough for that night."

"It wasn't your fault." Anna put her hand on Gwen's arm, "How were we to know he weaseled directions to my room from our footman?"

"I just wish you'd called me sooner."

"You helped me move the body of a dead Turkish diplomat from my room Gwen, no one could ask for more and even asking for that was too much."

"Never, milady." Gwen shook her head, "I'll always be here for you."

"As much as I adore your company, Gwen, I do hope it's not forever." Anna slipped her arm through her dressing gown sleeve. "I hope you find a lovely man who sweeps you off your feet and takes you to dazzling places even if it's only down the street to the chemist's."

"You're too much of a romantic milady."

"Only for other people," Anna sighed, "I've not got any room for romance for myself. I can't afford to hope for that."

"Milady?"

Anna put her palm to her forehead, shaking her head. "It's nothing Gwen. I'm tired and I'm not making any sense."

"Is that all then, milady?"

"Yes," Anna smiled at Gwen, "Yes it is. Thank you Gwen."

"I'll find that dress for tomorrow night, milady." Gwen nodded her head and left the room.

Anna climbed into bed, laying her head back on the pillow before blowing out her candle to speak to the dark room. "Women like me don't get romance."

* * *

Anna descended the stairs, holding the edge of her dress, and stopped at the bottom when she heard the door open. Plastering the smile on her face she walked forward, holding her hand out to the couple walking toward her. "Tony Gillingham it has been far too long since we sat at the same dinner table without twenty people between us."

"Lady Anna it really has." He gave her a genuine grin, "You've met my wife Mabel haven't you?"

"Briefly at a party I believe. But she was the star and so many people wanted to take her time I didn't have the heart to interfere then." Anna kissed the other woman's cheek, "It's a pleasure to finally speak with the woman who captured the heart of Tony here."

"It wasn't easy, let me tell you." Mabel grinned, tugging on Tony's arm affectionately. "He absolutely refused to stay put like a good little catch."

"I heard you were the superior catch." Anna grinned at them, "How is your father's empire not that it's in your hands?"

"Thriving, thankfully." Mabel preened a moment, "I do so love that I had the chance to prove more than a few people wrong."

"I think we all like that." Anna turned her head slightly as someone else joined them. "Is this your friend?"

"Yes, excuse my poor manners." Tony put a hand out, "This is Alex Green. He's been an acquaintance of mine for so long I rely on him to remember my past more than I rely on myself."

"Except he's got Mabel for that now and I'm almost redundant to him." Green offered Anna his hand, "I was lucky to ride on his coat tails for the invitation."

"I'm sure any friend of Tony's is worth my time for at least an evening, regardless of how you clung on his coattails to get yourself here." Anna turned to see her grandmother coming down the stairs, "I'm sure she'll want to speak to you all in the comfort of the drawing room so we should make our way there before her butler finds us all too modern for his tastes."

"I thought your uncle a rather more liberal individual." Tony walked just behind Anna, "Given his tastes he seemed far more open to breaking with tradition."

"So is Grandmama but the butler is not and we all cater to Spratt in this house." Anna lowered her voice, "He came with it."

"Those always tend to be sticklers for a way of life I fear may soon be passing us all by."

"Don't let him hear you say that. He'd never get over the shock." Anna smiled and waited for them to enter the room before joining them. "Though I believe we're rather a small party this evening. Just ourselves, my grandmother, and my uncle… if he can tear himself away from his yacht or his club."

"Do you not like yachts, Ms. Smith?"

Anna turned to Green, "I'm not much of a sea lover and the journey here almost did me in."

"Seasickness is the worst." Mabel put her hand on Anna's knee as they all sat. "I nearly lost my weight going over to England to meet Tony."

"My poor lady's maid barely saw her own cabin the whole voyage I was so ill." Anna confided then turned back to Green, "So, no, I don't like yachts."

"Then the offer for you to join me out on mine wouldn't be well received?"

"Not by my stomach at any rate." Anna turned to the door as her grandmother entered, "The woman of the house."

"Have you been keeping them entertained then Anna?"

"Trying my best." Anna kissed her grandmother's cheeks, "I'm afraid they're almost too interesting for me to manage on my own."

"Then it's good that dinner's ready and we don't have to manage on our own much longer." Anna's grandmother turned to the door as the butler entered, "And there he is, right on schedule, this man never misses a beat."

"Mr. Levinson rang ahead to say he was bringing some people to dinner with him and hoped we could set three more places."

"As long as Mrs. Shaw doesn't mind the extra work."

"She'll manage it in proper fashion." Spratt upturned his lip in disdain. "We all manage in proper fashion."

"So you do Spratt." Mrs. Levinson raised an eyebrow, "So you do."

They entered the dining room and Anna stood behind her seat, waiting as Spratt spoke with the two footmen before clearing his throat. "Mr. Levinson's bringing two gentlemen and a lady with him. It makes for an uneven party."

"We were already uneven Spratt." Mrs. Levinson eyed the table, "Harold's obviously taking the place across from me and Anna's on his right. We'll put Lord Gillingham on her right with dear Mabel across from him and one of the men between them. Mr. Green will sit at my left, between Mabel and I, and we'll have the other man to my right."

"Very good Mrs. Levinson." Spratt nodded to the footman and they sat everyone around the table to wait.

Anna turned to Tony, "I'm sure you spend a lot of time across the table from your wife now with all the parties and well-wishes everyone's determined to give you."

"More than you realize." Tony grinned at her, "But I do enjoy seeing her face so I can't complain. I just wish we could whisper to one another at the table the way I whisper to you now."

"But then you wouldn't have any secrets to share with one another later."

Tony gave a half smile, "We manage our own kind of secrets."

"Tony Gillingham I'm tempted to give you a smack right here in front of your wife and your friend."

"That's the thing," He winced, "I don't actually like him."

"Then why invite him?"

"I gathered, from your grandmother, he was the only single man from here to Maine with any kind of fortune you hadn't already rejected on principle."

"She's not completely wrong but Maine seems a little far." Anna turned to the door, standing with everyone else as the rest of their party entered.

The man in the lead held up his hands, "Sorry for keeping everyone waiting. May I introduce Ms. Allsop, her father Lord Aysgarth, and my friend Mr. John Bates?"

Anna's eyes went from one to the next, passing over the lovely girl, the older man with an almost predatory look at her grandmother, but stopped when her eyes met those of John Bates. In that moment the air left the room and it was all she could do to keep standing upright.


	4. Westward Ho

Anna tried to follow the conversation on any side of her but with her entire focus on John Bates it was a herculean effort. He said very little, focusing his attention on everything those about the table said with very little input of his own. Even when directly addressed, he quickly deflected conversation to Ma. Allsop or Mabel so they could finally speak.

"I must say," Mrs. Levinson put down her fork, allowing the footman to clear away her plate for the next course. "I've never met a friend of Harold's who was so reticent at the table Mr. Bates. What is it that you do?"

"He's a rancher." Harold pulled his wine glass to his lips, "He owns a great big spread in Northern California."

"Do you?" Ms. Allsop's eyes were wide, staring at the man. "What is it like out there?"

"Madeline," Her father's voice cut through the conversation, "Don't be rude."

"I didn't take it as rudeness." Mr. Bates set his napkin down, sitting back for the footman to clear the table before him. "I think we're all interested in those things that we don't know anything about and I completely understand Ms. Allsop's curiosity."

"And you must share it." Mrs. Levinson raised a finger from the glass in her hand, pointing it at John, "Since your accent tells me you weren't born to the west of America."

"I wasn't. I went there to follow a business opportunity from an old friend in the Army." Mr. Bates smiled his thanks to the footman, "He offered me a job as the manager of his spread there while he returned to England. I've taken care of the property ever since."

"Don't be so modest John." Harold sliced a chunk of meat from his plate, waving his fork in Mr. Bates's direction. "You made yourself a nice little deal for it."

"What's this?" Tony stopped, his utensils raised off his plate.

"What Mr. Levinson means to say is that I made myself a bit of money and then purchased the property for myself." Mr. Bates shrugged, "At some point we can no longer live on what we borrowed from someone else."

"Too true." Mabel raised her glass, " A toast then, to Mr. Bates, for realizing he needed to act on something and doing it. Bravo for initiative."

"That's quite alright," Mr. Bates raised his hand, "I'm not one who needs a toast. I'm perfectly content with whatever private victories I attained as they are."

"Are you?" Anna surprised herself with her voice, everyone in the table quieting to listen. "Does it truly make you happy?"

"I'm a person of simple means and living alone there is more than enough for me."

"Lonely on your patch of earth then?" Mr. Green snorted toward his plate, sawing at his own serving.

"Being alone and being lonely are two very different things."

"Then what brings you all the way to New York City, Mr. Bates, if you live on earth-bound paradise?" Mrs. Levinson gestured around her, "As nice as this is I'm sure it's not what you consider home or welcoming."

"It is very lovely and I admit I'm not used to it but not for the reasons you think." Mr. Bates shifted in his chair, "I wasn't born to money and I never made any. I live in far humbler circumstances by virtue of necessity not choice."

"Then we're giving you insight into a much different world Mr. Bates." Mr. Green laughed before looking around the table, "I think we should all pat ourselves on the back for this overt display of charity we're pleased to make in honor of the literally poor Mr. Bates."

"Here that's not as unusual as it is anywhere else." Harold shrugged, "Here a man rises and falls and rises again all in the space of a second. Having a man like John at our table means that we're remembering that's where we've been and where we all could be again."

"Where's that? The receiving line?"

"On the rise, Mr. Green." Harold cut off another piece of meat, "On the rise."

Anna smiled to herself, startling as Green spoke to her. "Something funny, Ms. Smith?"

"I believe that my uncle has a point." Anna turned to Harold and returned the wink he gave her. "Too often we forget that we're where we are only by the grace of God. If not for that we walk where the intrepid dare to walk and the cowardly fear to. Given very different circumstances we could be living vastly different lives. It's not by anything but chance and luck we live as we do with the opportunities we do."

"You're saying that we do nothing to earn what we have?"

"I'm saying that a storm blows a merchant's ship to the rocks with the same wind that guides another ship safely to harbor." Anna waved a hand at Mr. Bates. "His success is a product not only of his enviable hard work, for which we praise his initiative as Lady Gillingham said, but also by the chance opportunity presented him by a friend. Fate brought him where he is in combination with his fortitude and that's something enviable as well."

"Then you're saying if not for fate he wouldn't be here at this table?" Mr. Green huffed, "I guess we could all hope fate is as kind to us."

"I do pray so." Anna returned her eyes to her plate but caught Mr. Bates staring at her. She nodded to him and he quickly ducked his head.

Dinner finished and they made their way into the drawing room. Anna's hand rested on the deck of cards as her grandmother rapped her knuckles on the table. "Players?"

"I'm not one for cards." Mabel took a seat, "Tony's forbidden me to continue trying my luck like that."

"Tony," Mrs. Levinson chided as Tony managed an awkward half-grin. "You're robbing us of our players."

"She's a shark and I don't want her eliminating opportunities for us to visit your house again if she beats you too terribly."

"Then we'll see how she fares against Anna," Anna nodded in response to her grandmother's suggestion. "Anyone else?"

"I'll have a go," Mr. Green puffed on his cigarette, "I don't mind trying to hold my own against such lovely ladies as yourselves."

"I'm not playing," Mrs. Levinson backed away to join Madeline, who also shook her head. "You'll have to dig out another player from the men."

"I'm not for cards." Harold went to the mantle, pulling a large cigar away from a box, "I gamble with my money only when it's return on investment is enough to buy me another yacht and no one else plays that high in a house like this."

"I don't play when Mabel's playing." Tony retreated to the corner as Lord Aysgarth waved off the offer with his hand as well.

Green turned to Anna and Mabel, "I guess it's just us."

"I'll play." Mr. Bates stepped forward, motioning the chair beside Anna as went to pull back her own seat. "I don't mind cards."

"Are you any good?" Anna went for her seat but Mr. Bates pulled it out for her. "If Tony's right then Mabel and I might take you and Mr. Green for all you're worth."

"Would that be so bad?" He took his own seat as Anna cut the deck. "I don't have much to lose and everything to gain."

"If you lose it all and more then you may never come back."

"Would you want me back?" Mr. Bates held her gaze and Anna slipped for a moment with the cards.

"I'd like it very much for you to come back again Mr. Bates." Anna dealt the cards. "If only to try to take your money at another hand of cards."

"You're welcome to try Lady Anna." He took his cards, ordering them in his hand. "You're welcome to try."

They played three rounds, with Mabel taking the first, Anna the second, and Mr. Bates beating them all in the third. Anna took the cards back, shuffling them together, and smiled at the players before they dispersed to conversations around the room. A hand came over hers and Anna turned her head up to see Green standing there.

"Thank you for a lovely game, Ms. Smith."

"I wasn't sure you'd say that since Lady Gillingham took all of us in the first round."

Green shrugged, "In the end it's all pocket change for us isn't it?"

"It's still earned somewhere and it means something." Anna set the cards back in their place, "But I guess we all cope with loss differently."

"And what about your loss, Ms. Smith?"

"My loss?" Anna frowned, "I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"About why you're here." He lowered his voice, "I've heard the rumors and did a little investigating of my own."

"Then I'm sure you'll be nice enough to keep your thoughts to yourself, Mr. Green. Excuse me." Anna went to get by him but he stopped her. "Let me by."

"I'm here to propose a chance for you to escape your personal hell."

"You know nothing of my hell, Mr. Green."

"But I do know that your reputation would be saved if someone could give you their name instead of your own."

Anna folded her arms over her chest, "And you're willing to marry me? How kind of you."

"It's not as simple as an act of kindness, Ms. Smith." Green coughed, "It's about a match of mutual interests."

"Which are what, Mr. Green?"

"You need someone who can redeem your reputation in the eyes of your peers and someone who can stand by you in their ballrooms."

"And you can do that?"

"I can do for you what you can do for me."

"Which is?"

"Build an empire." He motioned to the others about the room. "Mr. Bates's conversation at the table tonight was not the first time I've heard of movement to the west for better opportunities. There is money to be made in land and ranching in the west that would not only build your prestige when you return home but also allow you a place to be free of their scrutiny."

"Then I'd do so on my own, Mr. Green. I wouldn't need your help to do it."

"And I'm not saying you need my help in terms of the money but I do believe you could use my contacts to build yourself into a new person." He put a hand on his chest, "I want to be the person for you."

"No one does anything for nothing."

"You still need a husband and I'm not currently married."

Anna snorted, "Then there are a few things we'd need to discuss before we made a decision like that, Mr. Green."

"Then allow me a an opportunity to demonstrate our suitability?" He opened his hand toward her, "I'm going west next week and I'd like you to come with me."

"What's this?" Harold came over, blowing a stream of smoke out the side of his mouth.

"I'm just offering to take your niece with me when I go investigate a few opportunities in the west next week."

Harold nodded, turning to John, "When were you going back to California John?"

"I'm leaving next week."

"What a wonderful coincidence." Harold thrust his hand at Green, "He's going west next week and offering to take Anna with him. What if you all traveled together?"

"I'd need a chaperone, Uncle Harold."

"You're taking your lady's maid and John is a friend of mine so I'll vouch for his defense of your honor." Harold clapped Mr. Bates on the shoulder. "What a wonderful chance for you Anna. California is glorious and you'll love his spread. I've never seen anywhere more beautiful than that."

"I'm sure you haven't." Anna sighed as Harold walked away. She faced Green and Mr. Bates, both looking as if they had no idea what to do with the situation. "It seems we're to be travel companions gentlemen."


	5. Three's a Crowd

Anna checked through her things with Gwen, "What's missing?"

"I don't think anything is but I can check again."

"No," Anna rubbed at her forehead, shaking her head. "It's probably just my anxiety and imagination making it appear as though I'm missing something."

"Are you nervous about this trip milady?"

"Shouldn't I be?" Anna sat down, crossing her legs while staring into the corner while shaking her head. "We're traveling to the other side of this strange and awkward country with two men we barely know and one I already feel I don't like."

"Can I be so bold as to ask why you're going if you don't like them?"

"I didn't say I didn't like _them_ I said I didn't like one of them."

Gwen frowned, "But we're still going?"

"We've spent a month here and all I've done is make myself a pariah here the way I've ostracized myself from all society in England."

"And you're determined to just keep running from those problems, milady?" Gwen paused, holding Anna's things. Anna turned to her and Gwen ducked her head. "I hope I'm not being impertinent but I think you should be sure about your decision before we travel to the other side of America. It's a long way away from your family and not just your grandmother here. You're risking a lot traveling there, even if we were traveling with people you know, and we're going with people we don't know."

Anna stood, taking Gwen's hands, "Are you scared to go Gwen?"

"No," Gwen smiled, "I'm excited to go. What I worry is you're not ready to go milady. That you're taking a risk because you believe it'll change you."

"I hope it does change me." Anna smiled at Gwen, "And I'm grateful that you care so much for me. You'll never know how much I rely on you."

"I know milady." Gwen turned back to the trunks before them. "We can go through it all again and we'll be sure when we go to sleep that we're all ready for tomorrow."

"Alright." Anna pointed to the first trunk, "Let's start with this one."

"Perfect choice milady."

Once the trunks were packed, and Anna changed for the night, she dismissed Gwen for the evening. As Gwen went to leave the room someone knocked on the door. Anna nodded at Gwen and she opened the door.

"Mrs. Levinson, good evening to you." Gwen bowed her head as Anna's grandmother entered the room before turning back to Anna. "Do you need anything else milady?"

"No Gwen, I think I'm alright for the night. You need rest too."

"Very good milady." Gwen left the room and Anna pointed to the chair for her grandmother and took the bench at the end of the bed.

"How can I help you this late in the evening, Grandmama?"

"I came here to give you a chance to get out of this horrible venture before you are too far away to change your mind."

"I don't believe Uncle Harold would give Mr. Bates as an escort if he thought I would be in any harm."

"I'm not worried about your physical health."

Anna laughed, "Have you been talking to my maid?"

"I might've sent my maid as a spy of sorts to inquire and she dropped a hint or two."

Anna smiled, "Gwen's looking for ways to convince me that I shouldn't go."

"I'm going to guess that, based on what you just said, you don't agree with her determination that you're making a mistake."

"Is that what you think it is? A mistake?"

"I think a few things are mistakes. One of them might've been inviting Mr. Green to come for that dinner since he's the one who put this idea into your head."

"We both know that the whole reason I came here's been for naught."

"You're the one who rejected all the suitable men."

"They didn't have two brains to rub together."

"And Mr. Green does?" Mrs. Levinson chortled, "There's nothing to that man but ambition and arrogance."

"I'm not going for Mr. Green." Anna shifted on the bench, "I'm going to see California and he happened to be going at the same time."

"Sounds far too coincidental."

"Sometimes life happens that way." Anna clasped her hands together. "How fortuitous that Mr. Green and Mr. Bates were traveling west at a time when I need to go there myself."

"And do what? Breathe the fresh air of the Pacific?"

"Maybe."

"Is it really so horrible to be here with me?"

"It's not a horror to be anywhere." Anna took a deep breath, "It's just a chance to see something more than the same kind of ballrooms I'd find back home."

"You want the ballrooms with cracked wooden floors and log walls?"

"I don't want ballrooms at all." Anna craned her neck back, "Here I'm finding the same men I'd find in England. What I need to find is someone else."

"Someone like Mr. Bates?"

"Perhaps." Anna shrugged, "He's different from any other man I've met here. Maybe there are more men like him in the west and I'll find one of them who'll take me."

"Are you afraid the rumors from England are spreading now?"

"I don't know." Anna unclasped her hands, using them to support herself on the bench. "I've no idea what people know or what people think about me. I'm doing this for me."

Mrs. Levinson leaned forward, covering one of Anna's hands with her own. She did not speak until Anna looked her in the face. "Only go tomorrow if you're sure this is what you want."

"It is." Anna covered her grandmother's hand. "I'm going to have a lovely time and I won't do anything that'll get my more shame than I already have."

"You haven't shamed yourself Anna." Her grandmother's voice took a hard tone, forcing Anna's eyes in her direction again. "That disgusting Turkish man should bear all the shame of what happened and you're nothing but a woman who stayed strong in the face of detestable circumstances."

"But he doesn't, does he?"

"What do you mean?"

Anna shrugged her shoulders up, raising her hands. "I do. His government took him back to bury them in their land and I am nothing more to them than the woman who unfortunately brought about his demise. Everyone else believes I might've invited it upon myself."

"Then they're ignorant fools and deserve whatever horrible endings they come to." Mrs. Levinson let out a deep breath, standing, "We can only hope they meet those ends soon."

"That's cruel to say."

"I'm American. We say what we think so no one has to question it when we're not saying it." Mrs. Levinson bent down, kissing Anna's forehead. "Goodnight Anna."

"Goodnight Grandmamma." Anna waited for her grandmother to leave the room before pulling the covers on her bed down to crawl under them.

She stared up at the ceiling, breathing out in a huff. "Westward Ho."

Morning broke sooner than she expected and Anna sat up suddenly in bed when the door to her room opened. Gwen hurried in, skirt flapping as she pulled Anna's covers down. Anna took the offered hand, standing up as Gwen grabbed the bottom of her nightgown and pulled it over her head.

"Is the house on fire, Gwen?"

"No, milady, but Mr. Green gave us the wrong train times. It's leaving hours earlier than we expected and if I don't have you dressed and out of this room in ten minutes then we'll miss it." She folded the nightgown in record time, tucking it into the top of the trunk before closing the lid and bringing the other dress to Anna. "I think I can do it. I was running over how I'd do it on my way up and we'll get it in time milady."

"What would I do without you?" Anna giggled, leaving her body slack for Gwen to move at her whim, working into the skirts and the corset with a gasp.

"Survive." Gwen left Anna for a moment and grabbed shoes while Anna took her seat at the table for her makeup. "But this adventure won't be one you survive without me."

"Are you looking forward to California or just the adventure?" Anna lifted her feet for Gwen to roll up the stockings and maneuver her feet into boots.

"I'm looking forward to seeing the largest ocean in the world milady." Gwen helped clasp the necklace and worked on Anna's hair. "If I can ask, what are you hoping to find there?"

"Someone I can stand."

"They say the people in the west speak even more freely than they do here."

Anna laughed, "I didn't think mouths could flap wider or with less provocation than they do here."

"It's more like…" Gwen fiddled with a piece of hair, pinning it all in careful place. "It's that they're more direct."

"More direct? Is that possible?"

"At home it's all about what people don't say. Here it's about what they mean to say and there it's supposed to be as plain as day."

"Like letters getting larger and larger?" Anna affixed her earrings, holding still for Gwen to finish her hair.

"Exactly that milady." Gwen stepped back, "It's not my best work but under the circumstances I think it'll do."

"It'll have to." Anna stood, pausing a moment to study Gwen. "How do you know all this?"

"A few of the maids here have relatives that moved west with the expansions. They're all a twitter these last few days with advice for me."

"Like what?"

Gwen reddened, "They want me to find a cowboy."

"And do what with him?" When Gwen stared at the floor Anna made an 'O' with her mouth. "Is that what you want?"

"I never said anything of the sort milady."

"Gwen," Anna put a hand on her shoulder, "I wouldn't begrudge you if you wanted to find someone out there too. You've got a future to worry about and it won't always be attached to my hip."

"I don't mind it." Gwen smiled, "It's never boring."

"If only it could be more so." Anna surveyed the room, "Make sure they have everything. I'll see to my grandmother and uncle if you'll see to our things."

"Of course milady."

Anna hurried down the stairs, gripping her hat in her hands and risked a hand on her uncle's shoulder to kiss his cheek. "Good morning Uncle Harold. I wish I had more time to wish you luck with Ms. Allsop but I can only do that from a distance, unfortunately."

"Well, she's a lovely girl but not at all my type."

"Probably best then." Anna hugged him, "Treat her well because she'll treat you well. I can see it in her eyes, she wants to treat you well because you treat her better than most men."

"Did she tell you this?" Uncle Harold ducked his head, shuffling in place.

"I was asked to a lovely dinner with her and her father the other night and we chatted a bit." Anna patted his face, "Don't think so little of yourself that you'd miss an opportunity to be happy?"

"I think I shouldn't ruin a lovely young girl."

"I think she could save you from ruin."

"I'll keep that in mind." Uncle Harold kissed Anna's cheek, "Your grandmother's waiting outside, chatting up Mr. Green."

"He's already here?"

"He seemed over eager to come." Uncle Harold offered her his arm, leading her outside. "It's part of why I wanted Mr. Bates to go with you."

"You don't like Mr. Green?"

"I don't think anything of Mr. Green. What I think of Mr. Bates, however, is that he's one of the best people I've ever met."

"You trust me with him?"

"I trust him with you." Uncle Harold stopped, leaning toward Anna's ear. "And I trust that he'll keep Mr. Green far away from you."

"That might defeat the purpose of Mr. Green being on this trip, Uncle Harold." Anna walked over toward her grandmother, kissing her cheek. "Good morning Grandmama."

"Good morning dear." Mrs. Levinson kissed her on both cheeks, "Mr. Green arrived in a terrible hurry this morning to apologize for how he hurried it all."

"Yes," Anna turned to Mr. Green, "I'm sure he was very apologetic."

"It's with my sincerest apologies that I came this morning Ms. Smith." Mr. Green removed his hat, bowing his head toward her. "I forgot, in the rush, and I only just realized this morning."

"We're all entitled to our mistakes." Anna directed her attention to Gwen, who nodded from the back of the carriage. "But it seems our party is short a number to our party."

"We don't have time to wait for Mr. Bates." Mr. Green laughed to himself, "I'm sure he'll make his way to California the way he always does… however that is."

"I'm sure Mr. Bates is more than capable of arriving on time." Mrs. Levinson pulled Anna aside. "This is the man you want to travel with to California?"

"He's just going in the same direction."

"I hope so because a man who makes his arrangements so disgustingly obvious doesn't deserve the honor of your company."

"Then you saw it too?" Anna smiled, looking just over Mrs. Levinson's shoulder. "Apparently Mr. Bates is smart enough to figure him out too."

"We can only hope." Mrs. Levinson hugged her, rubbing her back. "Go and enjoy California and return before I have to tell your parents you vanished to the American west."

"I'll return in good time." Anna kissed her grandmother, hugging her fiercely. "Now I have to go or we'll miss our train."

"Is that so bad?"

Anna left her grandmother, waved to her uncle, and walked to where Mr. Bates descended his carriage. He removed his hat, nodding his head to her. "Lady Anna, it's a pleasure to see you this morning."

"And you, Mr. Bates." She pointed to his carriage. "Are you coming with us or are you traveling to the train on your own?"

"I came to offer my carriage." He pointed at it with his hat. "I sent a note last night and wondered if you were aware of the time of the train."

"Apparently we were a little confused about the times but Mr. Green arrived with his carriage and told us about his mistake."

"His mistake." Mr. Bates took a moment to snort, "I'm sure that's what it is."

"You're very kind after what he possibly did to leave you out of this journey."

"I'm very well aware of what Mr. Green attempted to do and the best part is that he's not aware that I'm smarter than he is." Mr. Bates stepped back, "If you'd like to join me in my carriage, Lady Anna, your maid is also welcome to join us. It's spacious enough for all of us."

"What an offer Mr. Bates." Anna took his hand, ascending into the carriage. She took her seat, Gwen joining her soon after while Mr. Bates spoke briefly with Uncle Harold and Mrs. Levinson. "Are you ready Gwen?"

"As ready as I need to be."

"Me too Gwen." Anna situated herself in the seat. "Me too."


	6. Moving Forward

Anna focused out the window as the carriage trundled them back and forth. Her eyes darted to the side and she caught sight of Green, absorbed in the newspaper he bought at the last station. She snorted, jumping slightly when the seat across from her filled, and let out a relieved sigh.

"I hope I didn't disturb your contemplation of the Salt Lake Valley, Lady Anna." Mr. Bates took the seat opposite her, nodding toward the scenery.

"There'd have to be something more to see for that to be a concern." Anna waved her hand at the window. "As impressive at the religious colony is here I'm not all that enthralled by the lack of greenery."

"The West can be dreary."

"Given the way everyone talks about it as the land of opportunity I thought it was the jewel of the earth."

Mr. Bates's lip twitched as if he might smile. "There are many different kinds of jewels. This is just one of them."

"Not the kind of jewel I prefer."

"From what I could tell you don't prefer jewels at all."

Anna narrowed her eyes, "I didn't think I attracted such attention."

"That was rather the point, I think, of that dinner." Mr. Bates shrugged, "You were long suffering your grandmother's intentions but you didn't want attention drawn to yourself. Your purpose was to look beautiful but not be noticed. Like a fine painting in a gallery."

"But you noticed."

"I tend to be drawn to those things that stray from the gaudy and ostentatious."

"How very sensible."

"It was a hard won lesson."

They sat in silence another moment before Anna spoke, "Then you learned it well."

"What?"

"The lesson," Anna almost tripped over her words in her hurry to speak, "You said you're drawn to those things that speak in their simplicity instead of their grandeur and that the lesson was hard won. I'd say you learned it well."

"And what makes you think that?"

"There are many who could claim to receive a great many lessons that they never actually learn." Anna managed a small smile, "Like myself and German."

"You don't speak German?"

"To the everlasting shame of my tutor in the subject." Anna tried to act stern, "A very determined man who I disappointed on more than one occasion with my inability to manage those guttural sounds."

"You won't need much German where we're going."

"Good." They exchanged smiles, "I don't think I've thanked you, Mr. Bates."

"For?"

"For allowing me to accompany you on this journey."

"I didn't allow it."

"But you did." Anna opened her hand toward herself, "Without you I'd still be trapped in New York under the hawkish eye of my grandmother."

Mr. Bates snorted, "If there are two things I could say, with absolute certainty, it is that you would come on this trip whether I was coming or not and that you didn't come because I allowed it."

"Then why travel with me?"

"We're going in the same direction and it doesn't hurt me to be kind to the niece of a man who's done me more than a few kindnesses."

"All the same." Anna's voice quieted a bit, "I'm grateful."

"Then I'll take your gratitude with all the honor it's owed."

"It's not just that." Anna swallowed, "It's for noticing me in my grandmother's dinning room in New York."

Mr. Bates frowned, "I'm not sure I follow since Mr. Green obviously noticed you in that ballroom too." He pointed to where Green had fallen asleep with the paper haphazard in his lap. "He's here because you are."

"I'm experienced enough in the world to know when men notice my money, Mr. Bates, and when they notice me." Anna nodded toward him, "You noticed me in that room. Without jewelry or other refinement you noticed me and that means a great deal to me."

"And I found a great deal to notice, Lady Anna."

Their eyes met and Anna imagined her throat constricting slightly. She forced herself to breathe, her hand twitching at her side, and tried to sort her thoughts. "And what, Mr. Bates, did you find you noticed?"

"Fishing for compliments Lady Anna?"

"Struggling to understand what you could see that so many failed to notice."

"A great deal I'm sure." He risked a more pronounced smile this time. "I noticed how you waited for the room before speaking."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"You watched everyone. You listened carefully before commenting. And when you did speak it wasn't something off the cuff or flippant. It was measured for the responses you knew would come." Mr. Bates nodded at her, "You understand people because you study them when they're not watching. It's what makes you a good card player."

"Just that?"

"You're also intelligent, you study things out, and you anticipate." He laughed, "It must've been a trial for those men to keep up with you when you were already three steps ahead of them."

"And still no ear for German."

"We've all got our little trials." Mr. Bates grinned fully now, "It'd be more difficult to accept that you're perfect."

"Far from."

"As are we all." He settled back in his seat, "I do have a question for you that might border on the impertinent."

"I'm always free to play the part of a simpering lady and strike you with the flat of my open hand should you prove too impertinent." Anna gave a little laugh at Mr. Bates's face. "We're three days into our cross-country venture, Mr. Bates. I'm sure whatever question you've got now you've had for some time and it deserves to hear the light of day."

"Then perhaps you have an inkling as to what I'll ask you if I've waited so long to mention it."

Anna adjusted in her seat, pulling her skirt out a bit from where it bunched behind her. "I'd assume it's about the news that trickled over from England involving my family's estate, a house party, and a Turkish gentleman who did not, in fact, die in his own bed as my family claimed for a year."

"It might've done."

"Then let me put your fears to rest." Anna summoned her courage, "A dear friend of my family invited an acquaintance of his from the Foreign Office to join a house party we held last year. His name was Kemal Pamuk and he'd actually spent time growing up in our vicinity and attended boarding school with my cousin, Charles."

"Your cousin's the heir to the estate and title, correct?" Mr. Bates shook his head, "I'm sorry, I've spent so much time here that I'm forgetting how it all works in the British hierarchal system."

"It's no trouble and yes, Charles inherits the estate and the title." Anna gave a satisfied smirk, "At the urging of my American grandmother my father and mother apportioned me half of the estate on the event of my twenty-first birthday so I'm not destitute when my parents die."

"Is your cousin not of a mind to look after you?"

"On the contrary, Charles and I are great friends and he even defended my honor to the point of fisticuffs with his friend, Evelyn, when he thought Evelyn spread a horrible rumor that I invited Mr. Pamuk to my bed."

"People thought you invited that man to your bed?"

Anna nodded, "To Charles's shame Evelyn didn't spread the rumor and he's still apologizing to Evelyn at every opportunity."

"I'll assume Evelyn was the friend who invited Mr. Pamuk to stay in the first place."

"He was." Anna shrugged, "He thought it might help a diplomatic venture they were attempting through the Foreign Office but with Mr. Pamuk's death that all went sideways, as they say, and Evelyn's been up to his neck in it since then."

"Poor Evelyn."

"There's more truth to that statement than you know." Anna sighed, "But he's been all bowing and scraping to my family about what happened, since he feels responsible for bringing Mr. Pamuk to stay."

"How was he to know?"

"Exactly, it's not something most people discuss in company."

"I hope so." Mr. Bates frowned, "So Mr. Pamuk took his liberties with you?"

"He did." Anna spread her hands, "Hence why I ran to America."

"Hoping to wade out the storm on our more accepting shores?"

"My parents also hoped I might find myself a man who could marry me before they discovered the scandal and therefore save my delicate reputation."

"And I take it the pickings in that regard have been more than slim."

"You could say that."

"How would you say it?"

"I compare it to one of the cattle representing the seven years of famine that are mentioned in Genesis." Anna hurried to explain at Mr. Bates's raised eyebrow, "When Joseph, with the multicolored coat, interprets Pharaoh's vision about the coming seven years of plenty followed by the dearth he sees seven fat cows and seven thin ones that then eat the fat ones."

"Ah," Mr. Bates pointed to Mr. Green, "I do hope I'm not overstepping my bounds when I suggest that he's not one of the fat cows."

Anna looked over at Mr. Green as well. "No, he's not."

"Then why encourage him?"

"Sometimes the best way to throw something off your scent is to stand very still." Anna pointed to Mr. Green, his jaw hanging slightly open as he snored softly. "He's the kind of person that finds themselves very charming and very bright while not being either."

"You've experience in that regard."

"I've quite a bit of experience in that regard." Anna lowered her voice and leaned forward, as if whispering a secret, "I'm the object of many a fortune hunter and more than a few who wished to better their station with association to my title. I know how to spot them."

"And you're response is to go along with it?"

"It's a technique I've perfected that allows one to hoist themselves on their own petard."

"Sounds painful."

"Usually it's more socially embarrassing than physically painful but sometimes that kind of shame is worse."

"I've no doubt."

Anna narrowed her eyes at him, leaning back to appraise him better, "You've not developed a very sympathetic perspective on the upper class have you?"

"I'm not antagonistic toward a class that, in some cases, do all they can to better the world around them." Mr. Bates opened his hand toward Anna, "Your uncle, for instance."

"Uncle Harold?" Anna snorted, "Unless it's the yacht makers I'm not sure who he benefits."

"His money builds industry and industry builds jobs. That's valuable."

"But others-"

"Others like our friend in the far seat," Mr. Bates pointed to Mr. Green, "Use their money to squander and pander to themselves. They're not interested in bettering the world but in taking what they can while leaving nothing else."

"Then you're a believer in noblesse oblige?"

"Very much so." Mr. Bates shrugged a shoulder, "I own the spread I do because of that principle."

"Your friend?"

"He's an English Lord who decided to try his luck in the logging industry and did quite well for himself. He bought a lovely plot of land and planned to stay there for a long time but then his daughter took ill and the family returned to England." Mr. Bates sighed, "She died there, actually."

"I'm so sorry to hear that."

"I was too because they were convinced the doctors there would cure her but they couldn't."

"Death is always a hard thing to understand."

"Life is a hard thing to understand. Death, in the other side of the coin, is very simple."

"You make it sound like your time in America has made you quite the philosopher."

"I'm that by nature, Lady Anna." Mr. Bates turned to the window, "If this place made me anything it's more measured."

"How so?"

"I've learned to judge the world for what it is instead of living in the frustration of what I want and can't have."

"Like?"

"A family."

Anna blinked, "Not to sound too objectifying but you seem to be a man in his prime with a plot of land to call your own. You're the prime object for those seeking a husband of any kind of position."

"If those were the facts as they stand I'd agree with you. However," He held up a finger, "I've been married and that didn't work out."

"Did you divorce?"

Mr. Bates nodded, "She returned to Ireland when she found the life here too hard." He paused, "I hope I haven't offended your sensibilities."

"I'd be difficult to do when I'm the center of a scandal." Anna gave a chuckle with a tip of bitterness, "You find yourself lacking many sensibilities in that case."

"Well, if that's the case, then we divorced because she wasn't faithful to me and I found out." Mr. Bates cringed, "In a very unpleasant way."

"How terribly unromantic."

"By that point I only found it inconsiderate, which I think says more about the state of our marriage than about her actions." Mr. Bates shook himself, "But the result was our divorce and her departure for Ireland. I stayed here and realized that too many of the women who either threw themselves in my way or were thrown in my way could never endure the life I live."

"One on the edge of civilization?"

"Something like that."

Anna let the statement hang in the air before giving a small laugh. "Look at us. Two people doomed to live in search for the person who could complete us while the world demands we settle for less than we're worth."

"I was thinking that we're two people in adverse circumstances, staring into the abyss, and wondering if we might as well fall in."

"Either way it's not a positive sentiment, is it?"

Mr. Bates laughed, "No, Lady Anna, I happen to find it rather depressing."

"Then let's discuss less depressing things," She straightened and extended him her hand, "Like how I'd like you to call me 'Anna' for the remainder of my trip."

"I couldn't disrespect your station in that way."

"Then use 'Ms. Smith' since I'm sure where we're going there aren't titles and confusion to worry over in that regard."

"There are titles but they're for the native tribes and they tend to steer clear of town and the people there."

"So we're settled then, you'll call me 'Ms. Smith' or 'Anna'?"

Mr. Bates eyed her hand before taking it, "As long as you refer to me as 'John' in private."

"Any particular reason?"

"Other than leveling the playing field?" Mr. Bates smiled at Anna's nod. "Because I haven't had anyone refer to me by my Christian name since my mother passed and it's been too long since someone used it in a voice that wasn't berating me."

"Uncle Harold calls you 'John'."

"Your Uncle Harold, wonderful man that he is, only uses my name when he wants something from me." John cracked his neck, "It's a reality I've grown to live with but I'd like to move on from it."

"Then 'John' you'll be, in private."

"Will we be spending much time in private, Ms. Smith?"

Anna smiled, "I do hope so."

"Then I accept." They both looked down, realizing they had yet to release their hands, but did not move.

It was not until Mr. Green snorted himself awake that the two separated, Anna sliding farther back up her seat. Their eyes met and, until the lights in the carriage turned on, they sat staring at one another. The view before them far surpassed the vistas out their window.


	7. Largest Ocean in the World

Gwen's giddiness seeped into Anna as they gawked at the impossible expanse of blue ahead of them. "It's bigger than the world itself."

"We might be straining hyperbole there but I'll agree," Anna took a deep breath, "It's gorgeous."

"It's just…" Gwen spluttered, "I've not even got words for what it is."

"Few people do." Green joined them, opening his hand toward the ocean. "It's the edge of the earth, if you will."

"It's just the start of another world." Anna put a hand to her hat as a gust of wind picked up. "How was your meeting, Mr. Green?"

"It went well." He shrugged, "The people are out here are much more pliant to ideas."

"Are they?" Anna raised an eyebrow, "I would think the wilderness would make men harder and more wary."

"These are the same people who came here to dig gold from a mountain." Green snorted, "The educated don't make that kind of decision."

"I think there is education in the struggle for life and the experience here." Anna raised her eyebrow, "It's almost insulting to suggest that these people haven't educated themselves on the basics of survival to build a society on the edge of the world. That's a level of capability I've yet to find anywhere else."

"Civilizations have survived for thousands of years." Green almost twitched his lip in disdain as he turned his focus to those milling around the station around them. "What they're doing here isn't special."

"But they've survived, Mr. Green, that's what makes them what they are."

"In a way." He squinted and put a hand on Anna's arm, stopping her following Gwen from the station to where John guided the men loading their things onto a carriage. "I'd like a moment of your time, if you're amenable."

Anna looked down at his hand on her arm and then his face. "It seems I'm at your disposal for the moment, Mr. Green."

"I'd like to ask you something." He guided her to a quiet spot on the platform and Anna hugged her arms to herself as he removed his hat to touch at his hair. "I know this may seem forward but I'm at the cusp of greatness and I'd like to bring you with me."

"To greatness, Mr. Green?"

"To whatever the future holds for me." He dug in his pocket and produced a box. Anna could swear the blood in her veins ran cold as he opened it and held it toward her. "I want you to be my wife, Ms. Smith."

"I'm flattered by your proposal, Mr. Green, but I barely know you."

"Isn't that what marriage is for?" Green tried to laugh at the awkward beat between them. "To get to know one another?"

"The problem is that I already know what I need to know about you, Mr. Green, to say I don't think I want to know you better." Anna took a step back, "You're a man with great ambitions, Mr. Green, and I get the uncomfortable feeling those ambitions depend on my agreeing to your proposal."

"I'll admit that part of the reason I closed the deal was on the assumption that you would be a part of the venture." Green shuffled, "A critical part, of course."

"You mean a monetary part?" Anna shook her head, "I'm not just a bag of money with a face, Mr. Green, and that's the crux of the issue."

"You're a woman with a scandal hanging over her head who not only fled to New York but hopped a train with two men to run from it." Green stepped toward her, his tone menacing slightly, "Let's not pretend you're any better than me."

"The difference, Mr. Green, is that I offered no illusions about my interest in this journey for completely personal reasons of sight-seeing."

"And finding yourself a husband."

"Those are the reasons my parents and grandmother allowed the journey, not mine." Anna crossed her arms over her chest, "And even if you were a contender for my hand, which you're not, then your proposal would've eliminated you."

"Because I had the gall to do it."

"Because you don't understand the first thing about me, Mr. Green." Anna went to leave the platform but he stepped in front of her. "Please move."

"You can't tell me that you'd be more happy with anyone else." He threw his arm toward where John stood. "Like that old cripple for instance. He couldn't possibly make you happy."

"On the contrary, Mr. Green, I think he could make me very happy. Now let me by."

"You're under the illusion you've a choice in this."

"I've a choice in all things, Mr. Green, and it shows your poor breeding that you can't understand that my choice, in this case, isn't you."

"You-"

"Is there a problem here?" John stepped forward and Anna noticed the tremor that ran through Green. "Our carriage is waiting and it'd be rude to keep them waiting any longer."

"And here he comes, you're great defender." Green scoffed, "Just waiting for the right moment to swoop in and save her Mr. Bates?"

"I was hoping to render assistance, if required, but the pleasure would be if she asked me to rid us of your company." John nodded toward the ocean, "It's a large ocean. I'd hate to think of your body floating in it for the fish to eat."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Do I need to?"

They stared one another down a moment more, John standing a head above Green, until Green backed away with a sneer. "You're just like the rest of them."

"As long as it's not like you, Mr. Green, I'll be quite satisfied." John offered Anna his arm, "Shall we, Ms. Smith? It's a bit of a ride to the ranch and I'd like to make it before dark."

"I think we should, Mr. Bates." Anna faced Green, "I wish you well on your venture, Mr. Green, and I do hope our paths don't cross again."

Anna held her head high, keeping close to John as she lifted her skirt and took the stairs down the platform toward the carriage. His arm remained stiff and Anna forced her focus ahead. When he whispered to her ahs almost jumped.

"Are you alright?"

"Please just get me to the carriage and don't look back." Anna used his hand as Gwen opened the door, and climbed into her seat. As she turned the door closed and she blinked at John on the other side. "Are you not riding with us?"

"I am, just not in the carriage." He stepped back and called toward the driver, "Turn her around Mr. Moseley and let's get on our way shall we?"

"My pleasure to Mr. Bates."

The leads snapped and Anna put a hand to the side of the carriage as it turned north. Steady rolling soon rocked Anna into a cadence and she risked a look toward the platform but Green was gone. With a sigh she settled back into her seat and met Gwen's face.

"I do hope you're not going to tell me that you saw this coming when I already know you did."

"I wouldn't do any such thing milady." Gwen shrugged a shoulder, "We both knew what he was after and why he arranged the trip."

"I thought he might attempt to woo me a bit before he went after my money with such vehemence." Anna sucked her tongue between her teeth, "Is it something about me that seems to scream to men that I'm simple and easily had?"

"I think it's the unfortunate burden of your class, milady. Or all women in general."

"How'd you mean?"

"I've had many a man press an advantage toward me because they were bigger or stronger or thought that a wink was as good as a nod, if you follow my meaning."

"We're both in a unique situation to say that I do." Anna interlaced her fingers in her lap, "Is it worse, in your position, than in mine?"

"The benefit of my position, milady, is that I always had to share a room so no man ever barged in." Gwen paused, "But there have been one too many forced kisses in the corner."

"I endured a few of those."

"But you endured them while they spouted bad poetry or tried to dance you away from watchful eyes, milady." Gwen gave a laugh, "The men who kissed me in dark corners were trying their hands at getting under my skirts and spoke their true intentions with words I won't repeat here."

"Words, I'm guessing, you and I aren't supposed to know."

"The words that should make a lady, like yourself, faint." Gwen traded smiles with Anna, "But you're made of stronger stuff than that, milady."

"Am I?" She gave a little huff, "Sometimes I wonder if I am or if I just pretend to be. The willow must think itself so strong until it cracks in the thunderstorm that barely tickles the oak."

"Storms makes trees stronger, milady. Sinks their roots deeper so when the next one comes it bears the brunt."

"And you think we can bear the brunt of what lies ahead of us?"

Gwen nodded, "We've survived this far milady. We can make it further."

They chatted on lighter subjects for a time until Gwen's head tipped toward the side when her eyes grew heavy. Anna turned her attention to the road around them, taking in the view with deep breaths and exclamatory excitement she tried to curb so as not to wake Gwen. But the trees loomed larger as they ascended into the hills and Anna could barely breathe.

Even for as green as it was where she grew up, facing the reality that these vistas existed had her gaping. Mountains loomed like ever-present watchmen in the distance while the hills rolled in their green glory. All of it simply shattered her and she wondered if she could ever return to the noise and bustle of New York or the quiet contemplation of the English countryside. For all she could decide, with the sky growing darker the earnest effort of the laps on the carriage struggling to light the path around her, at that moment was the world she thought she knew no longer existed.

She was in the wild now.

When they rolled to a stop Gwen shook herself awake, blinking in the deep shadows of the carriage, and struggling to arrange herself. "I'm so sorry milady. I should've tried harder to stay awake."

"It's alright." Anna smiled, though Gwen would have to hear it rather than see it. "I contented myself with a visual conversation."

"For what I saw of it, it's gorgeous around here." Gwen gathered the few things inside the carriage as the door opened and a hand opened toward them.

"It's beautiful. You should see it when the sun rises over the hills. Paints everything pink and gold." Anna took the hand and descended next to a man with a neat tie and mustache that gave his face a soft glow in the light of his lantern. "It's one of the reasons I find an excuse to be up here."

"Are you not normally?"

"No, as Mr. Bates's accountant my skills shouldn't bring me up into this neck of the woods but I just love the calm serenity of it compared to Eureka." The man helped Gwen from the carriage and Anna tried to hide her grin when his mouth opened a little. "You've the most vibrant hair I've ever seen."

"Thank you sir." Gwen blushed, "It's rather red."

"So is the sky at dusk and yet everyone finds its beautiful." He took another minute to stare before coming to himself, extending his hand to shake. "Sorry, you must think me so rude. I'm John Harding."

"Gwen Dawson." Gwen bit at her lip before shaking herself all over and hurrying to step behind Anna. "This is Lady Anna Smith, my employer."

"Just 'Ms. Smith' out here though." Anna shook his hand, "Lady Anna seems a bit imperious so far away from where titles pretend to matter."

"We're all our titles though, aren't we Ms. Smith?" Mr. Harding raised his lantern and addressed the driver, "Should I send you some help with the trunks Mr. Moseley?"

"It'd be preferable since I'd struggle to manage them on my own."

"William and Alfred are just at the house, I'll send them to you." Mr. Harding directed the ladies forward. "Stay in the glow of the lantern and take care for the path. It's flat and even so you shouldn't have too much trouble."

"Do you know where Lady Anna'll be staying?" Gwen turned over her shoulder to speak to Mr. Harding, "I'd want her trunks brought up there first so I can get it all sorted."

"You'll both be in the state rooms in the second floor."

"Oh no," Gwen hurried to say, stopping them all in their tracks at the base of the porch. "Lady Anna is in a state room but I'm with the servants."

"Unfortunately we can't accommodate like that here." They all turned to see a shorter woman, with a distinctive Scottish tone, addressing them. "Unless you're a rough rider or a cattleman you sleep in the house in one of the rooms."

"But that's not my place."

"It is here." She walked down the steps toward them. "The only separation we've got here is for men and women. Men sleep on the east side of the house, nearer to the stables and the bunkhouse, and women on the west."

"How many women are here?" Anna

"Enough to make a house run properly, as it should." The woman leaned around Anna to address Mr. Harding. "I think you'd best get William and Alfred or poor Mr. Moseley might just hurt himself struggling over those trunks."

"Yes Mrs. Hughes." Mr. Harding nodded to the two of them. "I hope to speak to you both more at dinner."

"Do we dine together as well?" Anna could almost feel her eyebrows brushing her hairline and knew Mrs. Hughes saw it in the lights coming from the house as her own expression drew almost to disapproval.

"I do hope that doesn't offend any of your delicate sensibilities."

"I'm not offended at all. I'm intrigued by it all." Anna gave a little laugh, "I imagine many a dinner would've improve by a variance in the company I kept there."

"Then we'll aim to please here." Mrs. Hughes picked up the edge of her dress, "Follow me to your rooms please and you can freshen up before Mrs. Patmore decides we've gone too long without sustenance."

Anna took the lead, Gwen right at her heels, as they ascended the porch to enter the house blazing with light. Blinking a bit, in contrast to the darkness, Anna eyed the nearest lamp. Mrs. Hughes caught her stare and nodded toward it.

"Mr. Bates insisted on electricity as soon as he could get it. Cost him a pretty penny but he thought it would give us all a bit of comfort and help with the homeliness of it all."

"Do all the rooms have it?"

"He wired it into the house when he built it here." Mrs. Hughes pointed to the right, "The dining room is through there and the sitting room is on the left."

Anna peeked into both, gasping at the sight of a long, shining table with the grains of the wood burnished to gleam. In the other room comfortable chairs and cases with books glowed under the steady crackle of a fire. But the stairs before her took her breath.

Winding along the wall at either side before meeting above their heads and separating again, Anna traced the bannister with a hand while the leading steps of Mrs. Hughes guided her. The dangling chandelier drew Anna's gaze and she marveled at the care and brilliance to the white walls that echoed the light around the house. Risking a moment on the landing she felt the air in her lungs catch at the stained glass directly across from her in the arched entryway.

"Mr. Bates wants as much natural light in the daytime as he can manage." Mrs. Hughes's voice broke her reverie and Anna turned to her. "Believes the sun is the best source of light and has all the windows in the house directed to catch the best light for their location."

"Is Mr. Bates a scientist as well as a rancher?"

"He's a man of great talent and skill." Mrs. Hughes pointed to a large, multi-colored mural on the wall. "He painted that himself."

"I didn't know Mr. Bates was an artist."

He's a great many things, Ms. Smith." Mrs. Hughes waved a hand, "Please follow me."

Anna and Gwen picked up their pace and took the left staircase toward the women's wing. Mrs. Hughes tapped a window and Anna could see the lights of other wing when she turned her head to see. "That's the men's wing and there are strict rules regarding men and women fraternizing between the two."

"Nary the twain shall meet?"

"Exactly that." Mrs. Hughes opened two doors in the hall. "Men and women only meet in the common areas of the house. The study, the library, the kitchen, the dining room, the ballroom, the parlor, or the sitting room are all areas for fraternization. Women aren't allowed in the bunkhouse, for any reason, and men aren't to come up this staircase."

"What happens to the violators?" Gwen voiced and almost cowered a bit when Mrs. Hughes turned her gaze on her.

"Making plans to violate the rules of the house already Ms. Dawson?"

"Curiosity isn't a crime, Mrs. Hughes." Anna cut in, "I'm sure we're as ignorant of your customs here as you would be of some of the places we've been and we'd like to be informed as the details of our surroundings. If that's alright with you."

"Violators are sent back to Eureka, without exception or explanation." Mrs. Hughes pointed to the first room. "That'll be your room, Ms. Smith, for the duration of your stay and the other Ms. Dawson's. There's a connecting door, to make your stay a bit more manageable since I'm aware this is not what you're used to."

"It's an exciting adjustment, Mrs. Hughes."

"Each room has a wash basin and there's a shared toilet."

"Indoor plumbing."

"Of a sort." Mrs. Hughes shrugged, "It came in with the electricity and it's been a boon to this house, that'll I'll say."

"I'd imagine so."

"Any washing that needs done you'll coordinate with our laundry and when you want to wash yourself you'll use the bathhouse during the assigned times." Mrs. Hughes checked her watch before tucking it back into her vest. "William and Alfred'll have the trunks up here in a jiffy and I'll supervise that."

"The only time men are allowed up these stairs?"

"That's right." Mrs. Hughes nodded to both of them, "Dinner's at eight and it's a fabulous stew so I hope you don't miss it."

"Thank you Mrs. Hughes." Anna waited until she left before walking into her room, Gwen following her.

The walls pulsed a deep red and Anna almost whistled at the four-poster bed with its beautiful white blankets and pillows. She touched over them as Gwen investigated the closet and other spaces. When they met in the middle of the room again Anna shook her head. Gwen nodded with her and they peeked into Gwen's room through the connecting door. It echoed Anna's but with slightly different colors and they stood in the doorway between the two rooms, both taking a breath.

"I feel like we've just taken a very decided turn Gwen."

"That we have milady." She whistled, "This is the finest place I've ever stayed."

"I'd have to agree and I've stayed in some of the best manors in England." Anna waved at her room, "This is a different world."

"I think we crossed another ocean, milady." Gwen turned at the sound of a knock, "First the one that took us to New York and now the one that brought us here."

"I think we did too." Anna pointed toward the door, "Best open it before they crumple under the weight of those trunks."

"Yes milady."

Anna paced her room while the two men, matched almost in height with one sporting hair a bit more orange than Gwen's but both looking like kindred spirits. She smiled at them and directed the placement of the trunks until they sat where she wanted. When the room was quiet again Anna heaved in a breath.

"Time to get ready Gwen."


	8. In Our Quiet Sanctuaries

Anna finally pushed her plate away and shook her head. Gwen immediately turned to her but Anna smiled, "It's just the food."

"Mrs. Patmore does spoil us." Mrs. Hughes commented, dabbing at her own mouth with a napkin. "She takes great pleasure in stretching her culinary muscles every night."

"She's an artist." Anna shifted in her seat, trying to sit straighter while facing John, sitting opposite her. "Not unlike yourself, Mr. Bates."

He gave a little laugh, "Mrs. Patmore and I are not on the same level but I will take the compliment that implies."

"I saw your mural when Mrs. Hughes showed us to our rooms this evening." Anna pointed toward the entryway. "She said you painted it."

"One painting doesn't make one an artist."

"Just as one painting doesn't not make one an artist." Anna held his gaze, "In other circumstances I might fear you're trying to put me off the chance to compliment you."

"You're not wrong, since that's exactly what he's doing." Mr. Harding nudged Anna from the left. "If there's one thing I've learned about Mr. Bates it's that he absolutely detests any kind of compliment. Believes the light shines too brightly on him if anyone even tosses a half-formed nice word his way."

"We've all got a bit of shyness I think." Gwen shrugged before covering her mouth, "I apologize, I spoke out of turn."

"There's none of that here." Mrs. Hughes stood up from the table and nodded to the man standing by the door. "We all speak equally at this table."

Anna met John's eyes, "Is that your stipulation?"

"It is."

"Then I commend you for such daring thinking."

"Is it daring?" He gestured to the room about them, dark wood reflecting the light to leave glowing circles on the walls. "I have all this by the grace of God, as you said in New York, and wouldn't I be the biggest of hypocrites if I thought no one else could gain it from me just as quickly as I gained it from my employer?"

"It's very American." Anna agreed, standing as Mr. Harding helped pull her chair back. "And I find it's an American habit that grows on me more every time I realize it exists."

"Do you like America in general, Ms. Smith?" Mr. Harding offered her his arm as they joined the others in going through to the sitting room.

"I like what America has done with itself."

"I'm not sure I quite understand what that means." Mr. Harding took a seat after helping Anna to one beside Gwen.

"This house exists because someone looked at the side of a mountain and said, 'I'm building there and may the elements of anything that stands in my way be damned.'" Anna gave a little laugh, "It's not something you'd say in England."

"Not anymore." John offered around a box of cigars but everyone refused them. He took his seat across from Anna. "But once they thought that way."

"Maybe we need to think that way again."

"You could take what you learn here and go back to England with it."

"Not sure my parents or my cousin would appreciate the cowboy approach to business."

"Why not?" Mr. Harding broke into a grin. "I thought I wouldn't but once I actually set myself to using it here I found you cut through so much that's just a waste of time and effort. You attack what truly matters and to hell with the rest of it."

"But what if the rest is necessary?" Gwen ventured, hands scrunching the fabric of her skirt as she risked a slight skid forward on her seat. "Sometimes we think that the rules and details are nothing but distractions when they could be necessary and we just don't understand why yet."

"You're not wrong." John waved a hand at the room about them. "If there'd been shoddy work here we'd be in constant danger of the whole thing collapsing down on us."

"So what's the difference?" Anna pointed to Mr. Harding and then John, "What makes Mr. Harding's cowboy method to business so effective if you built this house using sound principles."

"Because it's all about efficiency." John put his elbows on his knees to hold his hands apart as he spoke with them. "If we continue to slog about, moving slow and steady like the tortoise than what do we really accomplish?"

"A sound system?"

"Unreasonable delay." John continued, "Here it's the elements you're fighting. It's the land, it's the animals, it's the government, it's your neighbors, it's everyone that wants what you have without working for it. You've not got time to dither and dawdle. You have to grab the problem by the horns and literally wrestle it to the ground to succeed."

"None of the flowery language that disguises what you really mean?"

John nodded, "We speak directly and as honestly as we can."

"Is refusing a compliment part of that injunction?" Anna watched John duck his head and raised a hand, "I apologize if that sounded like an invective but I find it odd that a man, like yourself, who has built so much would defer the honest compliments handed you."

"Mr. Bates here isn't one to take the burden of anyone's good opinion." Mr. Harding stood, "I do hope you'll all excuse me but I should be in bed. I've got to get back to town tomorrow morning and it's not a ride I enjoy when I've not had the sleep I need for it."

"I should go up as well," Gwen shot straight up and Anna covered her mouth with her hand. "I've got so much to organize."

"Then allow me the pleasure of escorting you?" Mr. Harding offered her his arm and they left the sitting room to Anna and John.

Anna finally let out her chuckle, "The simplicity of honest affections."

"Affection in general I think." John leaned back slightly in his chair. "Did you really like the painting?"

"I'm not one to throw away a compliment and I never give them to those I don't deserve." Anna shifted her place on the sofa. "I'm still confused why you don't consider yourself an artist."

"Artists have skill."

"There's skill in that."

"It's a collection of colors in brush strokes that don't form anything. It's just a confusion of color mounted on a canvas."

"Then perhaps, Mr. Bates." Anna stood and held out her hand to him, "You need to look at it again."

John frowned a moment before taking her hand and standing. They walked to the base of the stairs and Anna positioned them to look up at the painting. She pointed with her finger to it.

"I see the sky in those blues and in that corner there I see a wash of green I'd hazard are the hills here. Those pale pinks in the corner are your hopes for a brighter horizon under that mess of blacks and grays." Anna turned to him, "Did you paint this in a storm?"

"Not a physical one." John sighed, "I painted it while in the middle of my divorce."

Anna clasped her hands together in front of her, staring at them instead of John when she spoke again. "You mention that, on the train, that your wife was unfaithful."

"I'm sure there's a question in the rest of the statement you refuse to acknowledge." John managed a half-smile and Anna nodded.

"Why did you marry someone who didn't love you?"

"What makes you think she didn't love me?"

"She was unfaithful to you."

"And love means one is always true?"

"I'm a bit of a romantic, in that regard, Mr. Bates." Anna closed her eyes to remember, " _Love is not love if it alters when alteration finds, nor bends with the remover to be removed. No, it is an ever fix'd mark that looks on tempests and is not shaken_."

"I believe you picked your favorite parts of that."

"And I believe love isn't for the fair weather friends and summer soldiers." Anna gestured to the painting. "You wouldn't have painted your soul there if you thought love was something one could use and then discard at will."

John adjusted his stance to almost lean over Anna, "And you, Ms. Smith, have you experienced a love you would weather that storm to hold?"

"Not yet." Anna studied his eyes, lost in the swirl of color hidden to the unobservant as brown when it was a rich as the grain on his dining table. "But I feel I could find it."

"I'd like to." His voice barely whispered over her as they stood together in the shadow of the stairs. John's hand raised and Anna wondered if he wanted to bring it to her skin but a moment later John opened it to point over her shoulder. "Could I show you something?"

"I'd be honored." John stepped to the side, offering Anna his arm, and led her behind the stairs toward a large set of double doors.

He pushed them open and preceded her inside to activate the lights. Once they flickered to life, John motioned for Anna to join him. She gazed in awe at the library that towered its shelves over her.

But John did not stop there. He walked to a fireplace, currently only blackened brick, and pulled at a piece. The whole thing groaned as a latch clicked to swing the bricks at the back away from the hearth. Sliding brick shifted the floor and John held a hand out to Anna.

"If you want."

Anna took his hand and they ducked under the mantle to enter a dark room. John left her in the light to activate another switch that flipped the lights on while shutting the door behind her. She pivoted in place to see the door held more definition on this side before facing John.

He opened his hands, "This is where I paint."

With a gasp Anna recognized all the materials. The dark of the outside painted the windows in blacks in blues but the hazy outline of the mountains and hills in the distance beckoned to the daring to draw them. And when Anna faced the easels and canvases she noted John had.

Some boasted dried landscapes, others half finished, and some only sketched their futures like fortunetellers. Anna flexed her fingers over one of the paintings, looking over at John. He nodded and she ran a finger over the brushstrokes.

"They're beautiful." She breathed, turning a circle around the room. "This is all so beautiful."

"I don't show anyone this." John risked a step toward her. "I'm usually too busy to be in here often but when I do it's my sanctuary."

"We all need one of those places." Anna took a seat on a stool. "I used to have one, in England. I'd go there when I wanted to escape the inanity of a life unlived."

"Life unlived?" John found another stool and sat facing her. "How'd you mean?"

"My life, as a lady of the county, is all parties, dinners, social functions, and charity meetings. Most of those are only for show and half of the invitations you accept are for events and people you don't actually like."

"But you've got to go anyway?"

Anna nodded, "It's part of what you owe the people around you. The aristocracy, as landowners and farmers, are employers. It means something when you take an interest in the lives and occupations of those under you. Shows them you actually care."

"But?"

"But it's empty. It's all a show and the worst part is that some people don't realize it." Anna sighed, "When you want to take a larger role or put a bigger hand in it everyone either worries you're poor feminine frame couldn't handle it or the stress would make you ill or, and this is possibly the real reason, you would only embarrass everyone."

"Part of the reason I like it here is that people seize what they want." John shifted his jaw, "Not always under the most ethical or moral or righteous of circumstances but there's none of this waiting for permission to be great."

"You think I'm waiting for permission to be great?"

"I think your society has demanded you wait for someone to grant it to you." John let silence hang a moment, "There's too much in you that's too incredible to waste it wringing your hands for permission you don't need."

"I can't just move here and buy a ranch and exercise a fortune Mr. Bates."

"No, but you can take hold of your own life." John hauled in a deep breath, "I didn't realize that until I finally freed myself of my wife. Those shackles, that burden, hung about me for years before I realized what I could do if I allowed myself to be free. What I needed to do to seize my day."

"And did you?"

"I work this land, I'm not bound to a woman who hates me, and I can offer the peace of this life to my damaged soul." He nodded, "I do believe I did."

Anna sighed, "I wish it were that simple for a woman."

"You mean a woman accused of seducing a man who then died in her bed?"

"Any woman, Mr. Bates." Anna waved her hand at the paintings, "As a woman of reputation and fortune I got off easy. Had I been Gwen or anyone in her family and the same thing happened, I'd be abandoned and shamed. Had there been a child…"

"Bastards don't fare well in the world."

Anna paused, "Do you speak from experience, Mr. Bates?"

He nodded, "My mother was a woman, much like yourself, disrespected and brutalized because a man thought she owed him her body for no more than smile."

"How cruel."

"Does it differ too greatly from your experience?"

"I wasn't abandoned to my fate."

John shrugged, "My mother survived and so did I. For all the cruelty of life its fairest action is that all suffer its cruelty. None are spared the wrath of living."

"Just as all have a chance at a sliver of happiness?"

"Just as all can seize for their happiness." John started at the sound of the clock in the room, "If I keep you here much longer Mrs. Hughes might suspect that I'm breaking my own rules."

"Rules I imagine you put in place because of what happened to your mother?"

"In a way." John led them out of the room, turning off the lights as they went and closing the secret door again. "Mostly it's to avoid the possibility that someone might forget themselves one night after too much to drink."

"We do tend to be our own worst enemies."

They left the library and walked to the base of the stairs. Anna put her foot on the bottom step but stopped herself. She faced John, "Why did you show me your sanctuary, Mr. Bates?"

"Because I feel a connection to you, Ms. Smith, and I want you to know what there is to know about me." John flexed his fingers toward her hand but stopped himself holding it. "I want whatever emotions and relationship we build to be founded on absolutely trust."

"I'd like that as well." Anna shifted her hand the final distance to intertwine their fingers. "I'd like very much."

They remained there a moment, fingers interlaced as their only connection, until Anna leaned down. Her lips graced John's cheek long enough to exchange heat, and then pulled back. His eyes were wide as she smiled at him.

"I thought I should seize what I wanted."

"I might as well."

He lifted up on his toes, lips meetings hers, and used his grip on her fingers to keep control. Anna gave over to the caress of his lips over hers, and sighed into the feeling. Her other hand cupped his face to hold them steady.

After a moment John pulled away. With their hands still connected he drew her knuckles to his lips and laid a kiss there. The heat from their lips burned there as well and Anna swallowed to try and regulate the thunder of her heart.

"Sleep well Ms. Smith."

"And you, Mr. Bates."

It took them until the clock in the sitting room chimed loud enough for them to both jump for their fingers to separate. Anna grabbed her skirt and started up the stairs. When she reached the entrance to the women's hallway she looked back to see John watching her.

With a smile she nodded her head to him and left his sight.


	9. From the Height of the Mountains

Anna investigated the saddle, almost dropping it when she heard a noise behind her. John tried to hold back his grin but failed when she laughed with him. He pointed to the saddle.

"You need a horse under that."

"I was trying to understand the purpose of the weight and all these extra straps." Anna put the saddle back, "The saddles I'm used to are far simpler."

"They're meant for show, if you don't mind me saying it."

"It's not a personal affront so I don't mind." Anna took a peek around and then stepped closer to him, lowering her voice. "I hope you haven't been avoiding me."

John almost dropped the saddle he held. "Avoiding you?"

"Since our… kiss the other night on the stairs."

"Only a fool would want to avoid you after that." John cleared his throat. "It's been a mix of rather inconvenient circumstance that's kept me away but I can promise that if anything's holding me back in that regard it's my intense desire for you, not a lack of it."

"You're not one to throw away a compliment either I see." Anna smiled at him, walking back to where she put the saddle. "I wonder, if you've got any time to spare me at the moment."

"May I ask what for?"

"I've been looking at those mountains for two weeks now and I'd like to ride up and see them."

"There's a bit of danger involved in that."

"Mr. Harding was telling me about the mountain lions and the bears up there." Anna nodded quickly, "But he said there are paths to some cabins and they're relatively safe."

"Then you're not requesting a trip to the summit?"

"No," Anna shook her head quickly. "As you just rightly mentioned, I'm a person whose riding experience works off of decorative saddles for show. Further, for the little mountaineering my family once did on holiday to Switzerland, I know it's a bit late in the season to go up any farther."

"You're correct and color me impressed." John set his saddle back down and leaned on the gate. "You do know those cabins aren't really for sightseeing, yes?"

"Mr. Harding explained they're for the hunters and trappers working up there and for a few of the natives who might get caught in a storm while they're passing over." Anna ducked her head, "I think I wore him out with all my questions."

"Considering he's been spending an awful lot of time up here and not as much in town, I'd say you're putting his talents to good use."

"I hope you're not angry." Anna bit her lip but John waved off her worry.

"I'm not worried in the least. Mr. Harding's trying to woo your lady's maid and I won't stop a man with his determination from trying to seek the woman he hazards will complete him."

"Do you think she will?"

"I think the better question to that, Ms. Smith, is if you think she will."

Anna blew out a breath in a rush, her mind going over well-worn arguments like someone pulling out a familiar book. "I've always hoped for nothing but the best for Gwen. If she believes he's what's best for her then I'll just have to put in for a new lady's maid and hope for the best for me in that regard."

"Or you could leave off the lady's maid altogether." John turned to look at her, from where he oiled and checked the many parts of the saddle in his hands. "It's your decision but with the world changing like it is I doubt anyone'll have someone like that who isn't the Queen of England in the future."

"Self-sufficiency being what it is and all that?"

"Indeed." John finished his work and set the saddle back in place with the others. "And as to your request, I'd be happy to take you up to the mountains. It'd have to be tomorrow since we'd need time to get up there and back before nightfall and with the light the way it is now-"

"Just a day trip then?"

"Exactly that." John walked to the door of the barn and pointed. "We take that ridge there up to one of the cabins, have a nice little picnic on the porch to look out over the valley below us, and then head back just after noon."

"And the weather promises to be fair?"

"The weather promises nothing." John smiled at her, "I'd bring a coat all the same since it'll be rather cold up there. Higher altitude and all."

"I'll keep it in mind." Anna put a hand on his arm, "Thank you, for being so accommodating."

"It's I who should be thanking you, given you're the on who's made the house brighter by your presence."

Anna gave a little huff, a blush rising on her cheeks. "I don't know if I've done anything but-"

"I'd hope you've not picked up my talent for deflecting a well-earned compliment." John chided at her but the grin on his face told a different story. "I'd hate to think that you'd go back to your Grandmother a far more reserved person."

"What kind of person are you hoping to send back to my Grandmother?"

"Oh," John leaned back against the door, folding his arms over his shirt. "I'd expect it'd be someone ready to jump forward and speak her mind like the cowboys out here do."

"I'll never lose that much of my breeding." Anna carefully leaned back on the other door. "But given the telegrams from my parents they think I've already gone a bit native here."

"And they're not pleased?"

"They're surprised. Not as surprised as they were when they found out I was coming west in the first place but surprised enough." Anna laughed, "My cousin Charles, on the other hand, is cheering it on. He's hoping I manage to 'wrangle myself a cowboy' to help shake up those boring dinner parties."

"He sounds like your biggest defender."

"He's always been my friend and yes, especially in the last year and a half, he's been my strongest defender." Anna's voice softened a moment and a rim of tears formed on her eyes. "He's the one who promised me that as long as he was master of the house I'd always have a place there, no matter what."

"It's always a great comfort to have those people who love us through it all." John pushed off the door and offered Anna his hand. "The question is always whether or not we're willing to take that kind of unfettered love."

"I'm not sure I understand." Anna matched pace with him past the bunkhouse and toward the main house.

"We all take the kind of love we feel we deserve and often we believe we're not deserving of the kind of love we actually want. So we settle for something less than what we want, what we believe we deserve, and we're miserable because of it."

"Is that what happened between you and your wife?" Anna tried to immediately retract the words. "I'm sorry, that's none of my business."

"It is what happened." John stopped them on the large, wrapping porch and led Anna to a set of chairs there. "We married young, when I looked rather dashing in uniform, and then realized we hadn't actually thought it through."

"How'd you mean?"

"It's… it's difficult to explain in words." John leaned back in his chair, rocking it with a steady and comforting creak on of wood on wood. "You never fully know a person because they're always changing and growing but there are things you should know about a person before you decide you want to spend your life with them. We didn't bother with that part and I think, if we had, we'd have obeyed reason instead of passion."

"The hot blood of youth's not to be trusted." Anna sighed back into her chair. "There was a man once, a boy really, that I took a fancy toward but the longer I was with him the more I realized I'd make the biggest mistake in my life if I married him."

"Did he want to marry you?"

"That was part of the trouble." Anna mused, "I think I wanted to marry him more than he did me and the fact that we weren't equals in our passion made for some rather awkward occasions."

"Like what, if I can ask."

"Like the moment I tried to tease a proposal from him and he was having none of it." Anna laughed, "I can laugh about it now but for a time I was so embarrassed by my lack of propriety."

"I'd be more embarrassed by his lack of backbone."

"Why's that?"

"I'm of the old fashioned but firm belief that a man should have the spine to propose to a woman. In many things I believe women are the equal to men, if not their superiors, but in that thing I believe it's the measure of a man to see if he'll take the responsibility for a future life in hand and seek it out himself."

"I think some things, for all the changes going on in the world, should stay the same as well." Anna rocked her chair, sighing with the steady creak and the sounds of nature. "It's so peaceful here. I don't know how you ever leave."

"Only by the rough pull of responsibility, that I can tell you." John turned to her. "How long are you staying?"

"Making plans for my rooms Mr. Bates?"

"No," He grinned, chuckling with her, "I just want to know how long I can expect to keep the pleasure of your company."

"My parents are visiting my grandmother for Christmas this year and they'd like me to be there to greet them. Given it's roughly a week to get from here back there I'd say I have another month that I could stay."

"And that's stretching it."

"You've taught me to live dangerously on the edge Mr. Bates." Anna leaned over the arm of her chair toward him. "Though I wonder if I could tempt you to join in the festivities. I've heard that New York City at Christmas is a sight to behold."

"Even with the threats of war on the horizon?"

Anna shrugged, "We're all trying to bury our possible pains. Why not do it in flagrant shows of wealth and plenty in the city where more people die of the cold and starvation."

"You've a very pessimistic view there."

"I'm British. We tend to try and assess a situation for its reality and then bury our heads in the sand when he don't like what we find." Anna sat back, setting her foot to rock the chair again. "For whatever the world wants to do with itself, I've stopped living in fear of what might happen and instead decided to embrace the fullness of the now."

"How very daring of you."

"The bit of the cowboy mentality I think I can take home." Anna pushed herself to stand, "But I should check on Gwen and see if there's been any other news from home. Charles'll be begging for a letter about the rough riding I've not been doing."

"What have you been doing?" John turned over the back of his chair and Anna came around to it. "I'll admit I haven't been the best as far as making sure you're taken care of, as my guests, but I am curious."

"Mrs. Hughes allowed Gwen and I to try our hand at your gardens and I've enjoyed the menial labor there. I've read through a number of your books in the library, taken a great many walks, and even tried a bit of riding when your Mr. Moseley agreed to help me. Gwen and I stopped over in town once or twice, with Mr. Harding to chaperone us, and I've enjoyed some of the paints in your studio." Anna cringed, "I do hope I didn't overstep there."

"No, no," John stood up. "It's good to know they're getting some use."

"Thank you."

John reached his hand out and caressed her fingers but did not press. Anna intertwined them and he smiled. "I do hope you've been happy here."

"Would you want me to be more happy here, Mr. Bates?"

"I've no right to ask that of you."

"Then I'll turn your mind back to the discussion we had earlier about the love we allow ourselves to deserve, as opposed to the love we want, and then remind you that it's the man's duty to propose."

"This is a different matter than the love I believe I deserve or asking for your hand, Ms. Smith." John stepped closer, pulling their hands up between them and shaking them slightly. "This is about something as simple and as complicated as distance."

"Solved with a telegraph line and a mail service."

"It's not just the physical difference."

"If you're about to make a claim in regards to the distance between our classes I'll remind you that such a foolishly stupid argument will bear no sympathy from me."

"And from your father? When I asked for your hand, were I to do so, do you think he'd agree to it?"

"It wouldn't matter what my father thinks."

"But it would, Anna." She almost froze at the mention of her name. "It would because even with the physical distance between us you shouldn't have to be separated from your family. You shouldn't have to feel like they're far away because of something you did. Even if that was chasing your own happiness."

"Why not?"

"What about your first child? I'll assume you'd want your parents to know about that, to be excited for it."

"Of course I would."

"Then how would you negotiate your father's rejection of you with the information you'd born a child with someone he'd believe was inferior."

"There's nothing inferior about you." Anna waved her hand at the grounds around them. "You're a land owner, a solvent rancher, and you've got a good head on your shoulders. Those, as far as I know, are qualities that fathers tend to seek out in the interest of their daughters."

"Your parents sent you here to find a husband with a fortune and a reputation'll that could endure the scrutiny of those same people who gave you nothing but contempt when they heard the lies rumors spread." John dropped her hand. "I'm not made for that. I can't even take a compliment."

"Then we'd never go back there."

"That's your life."

"Was my life." Anna insisted and then held his face in her hands. "Please, John, don't allow them to defeat us without a fight."

"Is there an 'us'?"

Anna let go of her hold. "I'd like there to be. But perhaps I read this whole situation incorrectly."

"No," John caught her fingers as she turned to walk away, stopping her. "You didn't. I just… I'm frightened."

Her expression immediately softened, "Why? What's there to fear?"

"That you are so far above me I could never do enough to endeavor to earn you."

"You've already done everything you'd need to do." Anna kissed his fingers through hers as their hands interlocked. "You're already everything I could ever need you to be."

"I wouldn't want you to regret your decision."

"I could never regret it." Anna looked down at John's hands before meeting his gaze again. "I only know now that, with you, I would be everything I was meant to be."

John tried to smile. "You're better than I could ever have hoped to find."

"I hope so." Anna reached up on tiptoe to kiss him. "Because I think you're exactly what I hoped to find."

John's fingers slipped from hers and cupped her jaw gently. Their lips met again but slower than before. This time Anna slipped her tongue out, running it along the edge of his bottom lip, and John's fingers tightened their hold on her to take her mouth deeper. Stumbling slightly Anna's back hit the wall behind her as John took control of the kiss.

She gave herself over to it. Her fingers raked through his hair, ruffling it in response to the sensations running through her. It set her on fire and she needed a way to anchor herself to the ground for she feared she might actually fly away. Everything about her was weightless except for the hold he had on her.

A need for air drove them apart and Anna gripped at his arms when he rested his forehead on hers. Their harsh breathing filled her ears like the crash of the ocean and John finally pulled back to look in her eyes. They did not speak, just searched for one another in the eyes of the other.

Anna lifted her fingers to trace over the contours of John's face before taking one of his hands at her face to turn her head and kiss his palm. "I hope you don't regret that, John."

"Never." He left a kiss on her forehead. "But we'd best get inside before Mrs. Hughes has something to say about this."

"I'm sure we'll give ourselves away in other ways." Anna interlaced their fingers, walking them inside.

The remainder of the evening was all blushes and nervous giggles. Anna and John tried to contain themselves, sitting across from one another at the table, while Gwen and Mr. Harding sought to avoid one another's eyes. But Anna caught the ruffle to Mr. Harding's mustache and the slight abrasion to Gwen's upper lip. All the while Mrs. Hughes gave her upturned lip to them all and excused herself for bed earlier than the others did.

"Why do I feel like my schoolteacher just disapproved without saying a word?" Mr. Harding gave a nervous chuckle, his fingers brushing over Gwen's in the chair next to his.

"It's more like the disapproving governess when I happened to spill ice cream over myself." Anna stood up, "I think, however, if I'm to see the mountains tomorrow I need to sleep earlier tonight."

"Best we all do." John stood, escorting Anna to the bottom of the stairs. When they reached the bottom of the stairs he stopped, trying to suppress a snigger. "I believe we weren't the only ones who decided to kiss this evening."

"We weren't." Anna leaned on John's shoulders and then snuck a kiss of her own. "I'll see you in the morning Mr. Bates."

Anna made her way to her room, trying to stop the grin overtaking her face. When she reached the room, Anna stopped. Her hands went to the buttons on her dress and started to slip them loose. A few of them caught and she struggled a moment to get the last but finally got herself loose.

The door opened and Anna stopped, her arms caught in the sleeves. Gwen stood in her doorway, her mouth agape, and her hands frozen on the knob. Anna tried to smile as Gwen entered the room.

"I thought I should try to undress myself for once."

"If you're not happy with my work…"

"No, no, no," Anna tried to raise a hand but her arms got stuck in the sleeve and Gwen had to come over and help her escape. "I just… I had a conversation with Mr. Bates today and realized that maybe you're moving toward a future where we're not bound at the hip."

"You keep saying that." Gwen tugged the other sleeve loose and helped Anna escape her dress.

"And you had a very obvious piece of evidence that you and Mr. Harding enjoyed a rather pleasant afternoon together."

"Milady if I-"

"That's not what I meant." Anna held up a hand, silencing Gwen's fears. "I'm happy for you beyond belief and I hope it's going somewhere."

"Then you'd approve?"

"Of course I would." Anna slipped her slip off her shoulders. "I want happiness for you and I think there's a lot of happiness awaiting you if Mr. Harding decides to ask for your hand."

"Then I'd have your permission."

"Yes." Anna pointed to her wardrobe. "Though I will need your help to find out how I can better dress myself."

Gwen grinned, "It'll be my pleasure."

* * *

Anna took a sip of the drink and hissed at it. She blinked, putting it back on the table. "That was much stronger than I anticipated."

"Sorry. I thought you'd need something to open your eyes since we're riding out early." John dabbed at his mouth with his napkin and dropped it next to his plate. "Are you ready?"

"I think Gwen was able to help me find something I can wear for our little trip and helped me find a rather warm coat… with the help of Mrs. Hughes."

"I'm sure she's not overly pleased I'm going to the foothills with you without a chaperone but she helped me all the same."

"She's rather insistent in her opinions but keeps them to herself." John stood. "Shall we?"

"Yes."

They walked out to the stables and John helped her select a horse and a matching saddle. Helping her saddle the horse, with the unfamiliar piece, John tied her coat to the back of her horse before helping situation saddlebags between the two of their horses. In response to Anna's frown of confusion John shrugged.

"Our picnic."

"Ah." Anna held at the saddle horn and stuck her foot in the stirrup before swinging herself into the saddle. She blinked, "This is a bit more comfortable than I was expecting."

"It's built for long distance riding." John adjusted the stirrup to fit her leg. "I imagine you'll ride just fine."

"Over this terrain… I hope I don't embarrass myself."

"You won't." John finished strapping everything onto his horse before getting into the saddle like he belonged there. "We won't be galloping anywhere so we won't need to make a run anywhere or risk either of us getting thrown. More to the point, we're riding some very gentle beasts."

"What are their names?"

"That's Jane and this is Elizabeth."

Anna snickered, "After _Pride and Prejudice_?"

"All of my horses for personal use are female. They're gentler, smarter, and don't tend to prove themselves during mating season."

"That's a very safe position." Anna took the reins in hand, patting at Jane's neck. "She's beautiful."

"Then she's the perfect fit for you."

Before Anna could respond to the compliment, John steered his horse out of the stable doors and urged her into a trot. Anna followed him and they slowly gained speed until they managed a canter. The land changed and gained detail as the sun rose over the mountains and soon they were in the foothills.

John guided them to the top of a rise and they found their way to one of the cabins there. The sun settled into its ascent and John dismounted. He offered Anna a hand to help her down and had the decency to hide his smile when Anna winced a bit.

"Sorry." He cleared his throat, taking care to remove her coat and drape it over her shoulders when she shivered. "I should've warned you that it'd change the way you ride."

"I don't think I was expecting this particular kind of strain." Anna walked around, trying to stretch the sore muscles in her posterior.

"No one does but the body adapts." John tied the reins to a wooden post and put the saddlebags on his shoulders. "But the view is this way."

Anna followed John, working her arms through the sleeves of her coat as the wind picked up and blew over the little patch. The rear door to the cabin opened and she noted the simple beauty of the small space used to its fullest advantage. Her fingers caught in a hanging fur and she noted the line of them in one of the rooms.

"What are these for?"

"Some of the hunters and trappers who use these cabins leave them as payment." John tapped a cupboard in the small corner with a pump. "Just like there's a good supply of dried meat in there. It's how they say 'thank you' for the use."

"I see." Anna pushed through to the front door and her breath left her in a rush. She noted John's smile as he sat on the edge of the porch and waved an arm toward the view.

"That's my kingdom."

Anna practically dropped next to him, the colors and the vibrancy of the sparkling ocean as a hint in the distance. "There's got to be no more beautiful place on the face of the earth."

"I don't know if that's true but it is beautiful." John sighed, putting the bags between them and digging out the food inside. "This is where I found myself."

"I can see why." Anna took a deep breath, "The air here is different. Like it's cleaner or full of promise or something."

"Or something." John handed her the canteen. "What you're smelling is the promise of snow."

"This early?"

"In the mountains we can get snow at the end of September and don't lose it until the end of May." John shrugged, "We should be fine for our picnic though."

And it was. But toward the end the wind picked up and John cast nervous glances about them. Anna helped to pack away the food and they headed back to the horses.

However, the short trek through the cabin was enough to bring on a veritable blizzard. Anna covered her face and ducked back inside as John pressed the saddlebags to her. He dashed into the snow, pulling at the horse's reins, and dragged them to a small stable to situate them before making his way back inside.

"What do we do?" Anna put the bags to the side and John pointed to the front door.

"Close and bolt that. Cover the windows as best you're able and I'll get a fire started once I get this side done."

They worked efficiently, Anna's hands only fumbling slightly on the unfamiliar accouterments while John started a fire in the hearth. He let the kindling gather strength and pulled the furs from the line to cover the large bed in the corner. Pointing back to it as he went to stoke the fire higher, John called to Anna.

"Situate those so you'll be warm."

"Is it that bad?"

"Storm comes in like this is can freeze everything if we're not careful." John cut a log in half and added the pieces carefully to the fire. "If it gets too bad tonight we'll have to bring the horses in here to keep them alive."

Anna followed John's instructions to the letter and eventually the tension in her body dissipated as John started to relax. He still crouched by the fire and when she went to his side she watched him rub a hand over his face. Her hand at his shoulder startled him a bit but he waved her off.

"I'm alright." He stood, turning to her. "Are you?"

"I'm just sorry I put us in this situation."

"No, this…" John waved a hand around them. "This is my fault. Risking the weather and the wrath of Mother Nature to give you a self-aggrandizing view of my spread."

"I didn't see it that way." Anna gestured to the pump, "Does that work?"

"It should. The pipes run behind the fireplace so they don't freeze as long as a fire's going." John pointed toward the back door. "I'm going to check on the horses so make yourself as comfortable as possible."

Anna nodded and removed her coat. The cabin still held the whispers of a chill but Anna worked past it. In no time she settled the cabin to her liking and filled a basin with water. Pouring it into a pot that reached out of the fire on a large metal frame, she replaced the colder water with a steaming substitute and stripped herself down enough to wipe away the grime of the day.

She was so caught up in her ablutions that she only heard the creak of the door when there was no time to address her state. John's face froze like his body had and Anna swallowed. With just the light of the fire all she could see was darkness in his eyes.

John moved toward her, his boots clacking on the wooden floor, and stopped just short of touching her. Anna tried to breathe but a pressure settled on her chest and all she could do was stare into those dark eyes. Her body shivered but even the rising hair all over her was no indication of chill. Anna was as heated as she had ever been.

One of his hands touched her face and the tremble in his fingers vibrated across her skin. Her hand covered his, matching the quiver that only raced her blood faster to thunder in her ears, and risked moving his hand lower. John's mouth opened but he did not speak when Anna placed his hand gently on her hip and stepped closer to him.

"I hope you don't think I'm being too forward." Anna whispered, only able to focus on the tiny details of the buttons holding his shirt together.

"Only if you want this."

"I don't think I've ever wanted anything else." Anna finally lifted her chin enough to face him. "Do you?"

John did not have to answer with words. Instead his lips covered hers and his hand at her hip gripped to hold her in place while his other hand cupped at her chin. The thin fabric of the slip she wore slid over her skin and Anna basked in the ripple it sent over her screaming nerves.

Somehow John kicked out of his boots, moving them across the floor toward the bed, and his coat hit the floor with a distracting thud. But when Anna turned to address it she immediately came back to John when his fingers teased the edge of her slip. She sighed at the rasping scrape of his calloused fingers over her skin and worked her own appendages to trying to sort out the buttons on his shirt.

These came loose with far more efficiency than she had managed of her own the other night and left her with a satisfying view of his undershirt. John joined in the fray just enough to unbutton the top of his long johns and Anna ran a hand over his skin. It was darker than hers, even accounting for the shadows in the room from the crackling fire, and the soft hair there tickled and soothed her questing fingers.

Their lips met again at the distinctive clink of his belt and the temporary fumble as John worked his trousers and socks to the floor. An almost rabid pull left his entire chest exposed and his arms free of the wool long johns that scratched at Anna's skin. But she lifted a leg to his hip when he laid her on the bed all the same.

The furs beneath her soothed and caressed her skin almost as well as John did. He lifted the slip to expose her corset and knickers to his view but set his course for her neck. Anna tightened her fingers in the flesh of his back, digging in there when John sucked at her pulse or nipped toward her collarbone. Her feet, moving over him, caught on the long johns and bunched them on his legs.

John chuckled against her skin, "You're not very patient." Anna could only shake her head and pull at the laces of her corset but John's hands stopped her. "Let me."

With slightly shaking fingers, John pulled the laces loose and slowly exposed her torso to his view. The pause in his movements almost worried Anna but John's hands, gentle in their expansive size, tickled and traced her skin she lost herself to a whimpering keen. When his lips laid their own trail there all she could do was moan.

His care and kisses left her boneless. So boneless that when John moved her corset from her and then shucked off his underwear it was all Anna could do to even look. In the dim light she could not see very much but when John settled over her again Anna sucked in a breath at the feel of him.

She grasped for him again, taking hold of his mouth and trying to follow the instinct of her body to wrap a leg over his now exposed hip. The skin there was softer than his hands and she followed the guide with her hand to seek out all the smooth skin on his body. Every place hidden from her in any other circumstance. And when she touched the rise of his ass John bucked toward her and abandoned her mouth to take her breasts instead.

Anna practically shrieked in please when he sucked there, leaving angry red marks over her skin. And his teasing tantalizations did not end until he pulled each nipple into his mouth and lathered affection there. It continued until Anna panted and groaned at each continuing bite or lick and all she could do was twist to give more of her body over to it.

John's hands were not idle either. Leaning into the cue of her leg at his hip or her hands at his ass, he sought the edge of her knickers. They both froze but with a lift of her hips Anna gave him all the permission he needed. The cloth glided off her body to leave them both exposed.

In that moment of vulnerability Anna felt quite different. This was not like the fumbling attack of a man convinced he earned or deserved something. This was gentle, giving, and entirely desirable. So desirable that Anna blushed furiously but did not surrender when she took one of his hands and guided him where she needed him but could not explain why.

He pulled back, meeting her eyes in the half-orange glow, and held her gaze as he settled his palm over her. His rubbing sensation drew her to lift her hips toward him, grasping at the furs that now felt almost too abrasive on her sensitive skin. But John continued with the gentle circles made with the pressure of his palm on her while a finger flipped forward to caress between her folds.

Anna gasped, her neck arching herself back to seek a relief she knew would not come until he finished whatever he started there. When his fingers circled over her she hissed out and whimpered for something more. Something that he fulfilled when he stretched her open… and continued stretching her until she stood on the edge of a sensation she never experienced before.

One of her hands flew up, grabbing for a hold at his neck and brought his mouth to hers in a sloppy attempt to seek some relief. Relief she cried out into his mouth when John finished his ministrations to her. And when he withdrew his fingers, taking his hand away from her, Anna's legs opened as if on instinct.

John positioned himself but did not move, waiting until she looked at him again. His voice was a whisper, barely audible over the howling of the wind outside. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Anna pulled him closer, shivering when he brushed where her body still quivered and undulated. "Please."

What exactly she wanted Anna could not quite express. More of what he had just done, she was sure about that. Not what had happened with Mr. Pamuk, that she could also have said. But there was something else.

Something deeper that she did not believe had words, only actions. Something that would bind their souls together forever. Something she needed from him now and until the end of time. Something that she could not do without if he gave it to her now.

If John felt the same it was not expressed with words. His lips took hers with a bit more roughness than before but Anna groaned into the sensation, her hands rifling through his hair to find a place to hold on for dear life. And when he pressed into her, slowly and with great care, Anna sank her nails into his skin.

This only seemed to spur him on as John withdrew and plunged forward again. Twice more he did this until he could seat himself comfortably inside her. Anna knew, if the earlier parts of the evening had not already told her the same story a million times over and over again, this was nothing like that ill-fated night with Mr. Pamuk.

This was care. This was consideration. This was compassion. This was love.

Anna tried to lift her hips, again responding to an instinct bred into her from the primal days of the beginning of mankind, and John responded. His pelvis pressed against the vibrating nerves already ignited once that evening and Anna panted out her gasping cries with each successive ignition of the area. And when John left the comfort of her mouth to take charge over her breasts again it was all Anna could do find purchase on his back.

Her nails raked at the skin there, John's groans only speeding his slide into her body, and her heels dug into the flesh of his ass to draw him closer. The beat of her heart matched the thunder of blood in her ears and their grunting pants. In the fire lit room, on a bed of borrowed furs, they came together.

Succumbing a second time to the pleasure she could not name but wanted for the rest of her life, Anna slackened her hold on him. But this just sent John into a frenzy and he drove himself inside her with an aggression Anna would have feared if not for the continued attentions to her. Even when he gave over to his primal nature, his touches and kisses never hurt her. And when he finished Anna could only pull him as close as her boneless body would allow.

They lay there, trying to steady their breathing as their hearts synchronized, and Anna finally shifted to give John a better position. He lifted himself up, his fingers barely touching her skin as he combed back her hair. Their lips met again and they settled together.

"I do believe I've had my way with you, Ms. Smith." John whispered and Anna smiled at him.

"I rather think I had my way with you."

"However it happened," John leaned forward, pushing more of her hair back before kissing her. "I'd love to do it again. If you've a mind for it."

"I'd like that too but first," Anna took a deep breath, settling back, "I think I need some rest."

"Then sleep and I'll be here when you wake up."


	10. Secrets in a Snowstorm

As promised, when Anna opened her eyes John was there. Not on the bed but stoking the fire. The wind still whipped outside the cabin, the snow lashing the window panes on the other side of their covers, and a chill edged the room. But Anna could feel nothing but warm watching the arch of John's back, bent as he was over the fire.

When he turned she smiled at him, a blush rising to her face when she noted he wore nothing but the skin he was born in. John's eyes met hers and he stalked to the end of the bed, crawling over it to position himself over her. In any other circumstance she might have thought he looked like a predator ready to devour his prey but in this she felt the power arc between them. An equal but opposite force. One where both sides played predator and prey.

"Did I wake you?"

"No." Anna ran a hand over his chest, feeling no hurry. "Has the story gotten worse?"

"It'll be going until morning, by the sounds of it. Then we'll have to wait a day after that for the snow to clear enough for the horses to make it through."

"Will anyone worry?"

"With the fire stoked Mrs. Hughes'll see the cabin's being used. She knew the route we were taking so she'll stay calm."

Anna laughed a little, "She's got a good head on her shoulders your Mrs. Hughes."

"That she does." John stopped, "I'd rather focus on your shoulders if you don't mind."

"Why would I mind?" John paused and Anna nodded her understanding. "You're afraid I might have memories that'll take over the moment."

"You might and I don't want to force you."

"Mr. Bates," Anna allowed a foot to creep out of the encapsulating grip of a fur to stroke up his calf, sending a shiver through him. "If I had any inclinations you were anything but a gentlemen, we wouldn't be in this situation."

"Then you don't mind if I continue?"

"I'd be rather upset if you didn't at this point." Anna nodded toward the fire, her hands still working their slow path over his skin. "We've got a fire, we've to these furs, and we've got two days. I rather think those are all ingredients for a rather enjoyable experience… if any of those pulpy romances are something to go by."

"Then I'll make it better than a pulpy romance."

"It's already better." Anna whispered and John stopped, his lips only a hair from hers. "Because this is real."

"I keep thinking I'll wake up and you'll be the most beautiful dream I ever had." John's lips avoided hers entirely, gracing over her cheekbone and down toward her ear before he traced back along her jaw. Anna's hands tightened on him and her back arched to try and feel him with all the skin she had.

"It's not a dream." She murmured, humming as John shifted down her body with just his lips touching her skin. "I could never dream something like this."

John stayed quiet, choosing instead to devote all of his energies to showering Anna with affection and attention. His hands and knees supported him over her while his mouth set to memorizing her skin through tactile sensation. He traced her muscles and the lines of her skin as they shifted in the firelight. With careful caresses of his tongue he teased her at ticklish spots. And when his body moved her thighs apart Anna almost gasped in anticipation.

But he avoided where she needed him to do something. What exactly she needed him to do or what that something would be, Anna still did not have the vocabulary to describe. That, in and of itself as he moved down her legs with his exciting learning curve, frustrated her. For someone who always prided herself on having the words she needed at hand, this was not a time to feel proud.

It was like learning a foreign language where pointing at various objects or pantomiming certain actions gave basic words but the expression of abstract thought was beyond the capabilities of those only versed in simple sentence structures. How does one put words to a sensational feeling so rooted in the primal brain they can guide someone to solving an ache that might not even be called an ache? And how does a lady, one taught that the expressions of matrimonial affection were taboo outside the bedroom and even there might be awkward, tell a man how to properly care for what she cannot even describe?

With that kind of distraction Anna found her thoughts spinning out of control and away from the tickling, electrifying, and hair-raising attentions of John on her body. And when he came back up, kissing from her other leg and tracing so close to where he had been hours before but avoiding it, Anna realized he knew. Somehow he could read her better than she could read herself. Maybe it was because he was a man.

That could not be true either, she managed to think as his fingers curled around her neck and his thumb smoothed the high bone in her cheek, because Pamuk had no idea what she wanted. Where John could read her like a favorite book, reciting lines and passages at the merest reference to a similar phrase, Pamuk ignored it all. Perhaps that was why, when their lips finally met, she did not feel fear in John's grasp. She only wanted more.

And John was quick to give it to her. With a look that held her steady, and brought her back to the moment with him, John took his downward journey. He stopped to lather attention at her breasts and leave Anna writhing with every suck on her skin or nip at a hardened nipple. His hands still remained mostly static to the side, leveraging him as he moved over her but not touching her.

If Anna wanted him to touch her she could not have said. This was all new to her and while her thoughts flitted to the way his calloused hands held her so gently and scraped at her skin like the burgeoning evidence of the beard on his face, she liked this drawn out adventure all the more for his restraint. They had to work more slowly when all he could use was his mouth and that only heightened Anna's experience.

When his tongue swirled in her navel, Anna clung to a fur under her and tried another hand at his shoulder for a supportive hold. There was not much for her fingers to hold there as the sweat on her fingers slipped from his equally perspirating skin. Her legs spread apart again when John worked his body between them but instead of taking another teasing journey down to her toes he traveled to the space between her legs and settled his teeth on her crying nerves.

They screamed when he tongued over them, sucking them into his mouth before sliding the delicate bundle between his teeth. A nip sent her back arching and her head digging into the hard pillow under her but Anna could only focus on how much she needed to breathe. Forcing panting breaths into her starving lungs, Anna settled herself back on the furs.

Or tried to. Where John's hands had been idle at his sides he now used one to hold her ass firmly, guiding the folds of her body closer to his lips, and the other he skimmed over the slick skin. The weeping of her body, in response to the sensory overload, drove Anna to howl as John licked at it.

With his fingers gliding through her to tease where he had joined them hours ago. Or was it minutes? In the haze of her mind clouded over by emotions rising from years of misunderstandings of these experiences and a chance to share them with someone she wanted to be the only one to give them to her for the rest of her life, Anna could only center her thoughts on John's tongue.

The abrasive point he used to prod and wider her and then the soft coasting motion he used to lick from bottom to top. There he teased again with his teeth biting around her nerves before curling his tongue around to pull and suck her to the point of insanity. And when he pressed his fingers insider her, curling to scrape along the spot that robbed her of breath and sanity, Anna gave in.

She was not sure it was even a question of _if_ but _when_ in terms of their earlier adventure. With her limited experience there was no way to really tell but it was enough. Enough to know that John was the only man she ever wanted in any bed she ever owned, giving this to her as often as he was willing.

John moved up the bed again, laying by her side and Anna could only pull at his hand. He frowned and she shook her head back and forth, not sure what to say. When he did not shift his position, possibly still confused but Anna had closed her eyes to keep all the sensations burned into her memory, Anna threw a leg over him.

Tugging with all the strength she had, which was not much given the sparking of her nerves still trying to contemplate the pinnacle of pleasure John gave her without reservation, Anna finally positioned John between her legs again. She kept one leg notched over his hip as her hands flailed to find his face. Anna forced her eyes open and swallowed to clear her dry mouth.

"I need… more. I need… you."

There were better words to describe what she wanted but Anna could not find them. All she had was the primal response on which she relied so heavily the night before. The primal response that John recognized as he bent his knees enough to slide into her in one move.

Her muscles, still shuddering through their earlier exercise and slightly sore from their vigorous use earlier, tightened around him to leave John moaning into Anna's shoulder before he even attempted to move. Anna wished she could claim credit for whatever had him whispering in her ear or shunting his hips against hers as fast as he could but all she could do was respond. Respond to the words he whispered to her as guidance or praise. Respond to the heat and pressure building up inside her and sought the release of her tension and tightened muscles. Respond to the instinct to use her fingers where his teeth had earlier coaxed a reaction and press in time with his thrusts.

This had her fingers and hand occasionally brushing him and Anna realized she had, as yet, not even seen him. The lack of good lighting and possibly her fear saw to that. But there was time. As she clung to his shoulders and sought refuge with a hand gripping as tightly in his hair as one of his hands did at her hip, Anna consoled herself with the truth that there was time.

They had all the time in the world.

When she tumbled off the peak, shortly after his body shook out the finish he needed, Anna lay back. John draped himself half over her and his harsh breathing echoed in her ear. But it was not a frightening sound. It soothed her and soon they breathed together.

Anna turned to him, fingers brushing the hair from his head and he smiled, catching her hand to kiss it. "Turnabout is fair play and all that?"

"I guess." Anna bit her lip, "I'm not very experienced in this."

"I doubt it's an etiquette they taught you with a governess asking for your correct responses."

"My governess would've had died of shock if I even suggested there was more to… _this_ that I wanted to know."

John barely managed to suppress a snigger, " _This_?"

"I've no other words for it. The vocabulary, in this instance, isn't something I have." Anna tried to hide her face but John laid his hand carefully on her cheek and turned her to him.

"I can teach if you'd like."

"Please." Anna turned to her side as John pointed at her face.

"The eyes are for watching your partner. When the pupils dilate it means they're excited and they want more."

"It can also be fear."

"Which is why," John put a hand between her breasts, pressing where her lungs had only just begun their normal cycle. "You listen for their breathing. The breath hitches differently when someone is afraid. They'll breathe faster as the body prepares itself to run."

"But otherwise?"

"When it shallows and they fill their lungs as full as possible," John waited for his hand to rise as Anna demonstrated, "It means they're storing energy."

"How do you know this?"

"I'm a rancher. I've practiced animal husbandry and I've visited more than a few places where there are woman who sell this kind of experience."

"Did you…" Anna lowered her eyes, shaking her head as if it could erase the question. "Never mind."

"No." Anna lifted her head to see John's straight face. "I didn't want the kind of fake affection one gets from a woman paid for the use of her body the way I'd pay for a bathhouse."

"It's not that I'd…" Anna shut her eyes, trying to find the words she needed but knew she might never find. "I just…"

"You're trying to understand."

"Yes." He kissed over her fingers and Anna sighed in relief that he could comprehend what she wanted when she could not even put words to it.

"We're all trying to understand." John used her hands to guide her now. "I'm sure you've had basic anatomy."

"Of course."

"Then I won't have to take too much time explaining your breasts." John teased and Anna attempted to swat him away but he kept a tight grip on her hand as he guided it over her skin. "But they're sensitive and respond to your arousal. As evidence by this."

He kissed at one of her breasts, near her nipple, and Anna shivered. "See?"

"Why?"

"I don't really know but I do hope they find out so one day I can do even more with it." John led her lower. "Then you have your clit."

Anna tried to bite back the hiss that left her when her fingers, intertwined with his, reached the destination. John waited until the stiff muscles in her body relaxed. "These nerves are very sensitive and if a man knows what he's doing he'll use that to his advantage."

"How?" Anna tried to direct her eyes but she wanted nothing more than to close them and lose herself in his explanation while he took his journey over her body.

"If he wants a child then his chances improve if the woman climaxes."

"Climaxes?"

"It's what happens when you…" John frowned, "The feeling you get when your body loses itself and you feel overwhelming pleasure."

"And that's good?"

"Exceedingly so." John laid back. "Most men don't care about whether or not a woman climaxes since it takes more effort for women than men."

"Why?"

"I don't know." John shrugged, "I guess the simple biology is that men have a very obvious climax and women don't."

"Then," Anna scooted closer to him, forcing herself to finally take in the long length of his prostrate body. "What about you?"

"We're not finished with you." John tried to push her back but Anna put a determined hand to his shoulder and kept him still.

"Everything else I already know since I became a woman in the eyes of nature." Anna took his hand. "I want to know more about you."

John swallowed and then guided her hand lower. "There are similar erogenous areas on a man."

"Where?" Anna brought her body right to his side, her knees touching his side. "Show me."

John held her gaze but did not speak as he guided her hands to his head. Her fingers whispered through his hair and he signaled where she could hold him tighter. Then her small, thin fingers slid over his skin to his chest. There he stopped her, allowing for exploration with minute guidance on where and how to touch him.

With each barely muffled groan or surprised grunt, Anna grew bolder in her touches. Her eyes occasionally flicked toward what lay between his legs but she only had the anatomical definition for it and she wanted this to be personal, not medical. So she let her hands wend their slow and determined way there.

When she graced over his hips, John bucked slightly and Anna shifted to straddle his legs. There was a moment she paused, considering the impropriety of the whole event, but when she saw his pupils were dilated and his breathing shallow she took comfort and continued.

"And this?"

"I hope you know what it's called."

"I know how doctors call it and I believe I once heard a rather crude word for it but I want to know how you refer to it."

John coughed, "I don't have a name for it or anything."

"No," Anna wanted to bury her head in shame at what she considered the grossest ignorance. "I know it's called a phallus or a penis. I know men in bars or seedier train carriage call it a cock but I don't want to use those words."

"Then don't call it anything." John soothed, "It's not important."

"But I want to know how to tell you if I…" Now Anna did shut her eyes. No matter how uninhibited she wanted to feel there was no delicate way to say this and she had to get it out as quickly as she could. "How do I tell you if I want it inside me?"

"Just like that."

"And if I want to…" Anna risked a finger scraping over his skin, "Touch it?"

"Please." John's breathing grew louder now and Anna placed a tentative hand on him. He jumped in her grip and she released immediately. But when John's hand covered hers he returned her grip there. "It's just an organ, like any other."

Anna grabbed his wrist with her other hand and they stared at one another. "Teach me?"

His hand guided hers slowly in her exploration of him. From how to grip or squeeze or release to how to use her dexterity to her advantage while he explained those terms she studied in books but no one explained before. Head to base and then the sack she found almost as delicate as she was for when she experimented with touching it John's head hit the bed hard enough to see stars.

But he stopped her and Anna froze in her confusion. "Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry I-"

Shaking his head Jon sat up. "It's just… While women can go from one climax to the next without worry, men are not so lucky."

"Sounds more like a curse than luck."

"Only for the lazy man or the woman who's never been given that kind of pleasure." John kissed Anna's lips, "Men need time to rest but if you waste it then…"

"Would it be a waste?"

"If I want to be inside you then yes."

Anna swallowed, trying to suppress the societal response to blush and turn away from frank crudity. But the look in John's eyes was too sincere to be anything but genuine in his emotions and Anna shifted to lay on her back. John's hands at her arms stopped her and Anna frowned.

"Isn't that how-"

"There are other ways." John urged her forward, with gentle tugs.

Anna's limbs followed his urging with sluggish responses born of nerves. But when John sat her on his lap, his ready member just behind her and burning along the crease of her ass, Anna shivered. John placed his hands gently on her hips and helped her raise up on her knees.

"You know how to ride a horse Anna."

"Yes but I don't-"

"It's the same principle." John put a hand between her legs and Anna clutched at his shoulders to give herself the support she needed when John teased and touched all the places he named for her. "You'll just sink down and then ride me."

"I can't." She gasped, scrunching her eyes closed to gasp and whimper at his fingers opening her again.

"You can." His voice came to her ear as he lowered her with gentle nudges to her legs. "We'll move slowly."

Anna felt the head push into her, a sensation she knew she could grow used the more they sought one another like this, and then held her breath as he pressed in farther. John stopped, the hand from her hip moving to massage over her back while his lips left their kisses over her breasts and chest. He sought those places that had her shuddering in pleasure and relaxing again as he continued to press into her.

When she sat fully on him, Anna dug her nails into John's side and rested her head on his shoulder. John's hand still moved over her back, holding her close a moment more. Then his hand went to her shoulder and pressed her to sit straighter as he laid back. Anna's eyes flew open at the sensation of him buried as deeply inside her as he could possibly go.

Her fingers trembled but John took them in his grip and he held them carefully. "Slowly. We're going to move ever-so-slowly. Like when you rode a horse for the first time."

And off they went. Anna tried to mimic his earlier moves, when he would press inside her and slide out but the burn in her thighs stopped her. A pause and a gentle press at her hip let John lead her to other motions. The rolling movement of a cantering horse and then the brisk bouncing, with knees tightened almost bruisingly at his sides, of a gallop. Each motion giving Anna the confidence she needed as his hands tried to hold her in place.

However, nothing tightened his grip faster than Anna stopping. Now it was John's turn to widen his eyes. Anna grinned at him, relishing the shadows over her with the fire at her back, and leaned down toward his ear.

"Slowly. We're going slowly now."

She rolled, rocked back and forth at a torturously slow pace that left John gasping for air. His hips bucked into her and the tension in his jaw popped the muscles in his neck but they kept their pace slow. And when she rose and fell again, taking the respite to build up her energy, John gave in.

Anna recognized it now. Had a word for it. And wanted more of it.

But when John's fingers worked over her she had no more thought to function. She rode him as far as she could before crumpling to the peak of pleasure that sent her into his waiting arms. The fade of the feeling left her exhausted and soon she fell asleep, wrapped in his hold, and sitting on the edge of a greater unknown.


	11. The Day Dawn is Breaking

Unlike the last time she woke up, this time Anna was alone. She dug her way out of the furs and looked around the room. John was nowhere to be seen.

The fire in the hearth was low embers and Anna could see the edges of her breath. Throwing one of the blankets around herself, she hurried over to stoke the fire higher and did not sit back until it crackled with comforting new life there. She sat back and surveyed the room, face reddening a bit when she saw her clothes still abandoned on the floor.

She stood, walking to her clothes and sorting through them to dress. After a moment she stopped, listening for sounds outside the cabin, and finally went to one of the windows. Opening it Anna's breath left her in a rush.

The mountainside was a wash of white. Not the grubby and stained white she so often endured in cities but the clean white of nature. The untouched, virgin snow lay in heaps and mounds to cover everything as if blanketed in the finest wool. And, if not for the cold, Anna would say it was as inviting as one could hope nature to be.

A door knocking against the frame made her jump and Anna put a hand to her chest when she saw John. He cringed, offering her an apologetic smile, and pointed out the window. "What do you think of Mother Nature's present?"

"It looks beautiful."

"The most deadly things usually do." He removed his coat and hat, placing them on a peg before kicking out of his boots. "But the horses are taking it well."

"Are they?" Anna moved to another window, cracking it just enough to let natural light into the cabin while also keeping the heat inside. "I feel bad I didn't even think about them."

"It's not something you're used to yet." John shrugged and came toward the fire, holding his hands over it and crouching low. "We've all got to develop habits."

"I certainly like the habits we're developing now." Anna risked it, hoping she could blame the resurgence of red in her cheeks on the fire as she walked closer to it. "I'd like to make those instinctual as well."

John sat back on the wooden floor, bringing a knee up so he could rest his arm on it. "I don't know. I thought you responded to instinct pretty well on your own last night."

Anna shrugged, "Maybe you bring out the natural in me."

"Maybe." John sighed, "We've got to eat though, or else we'll starve up here."

"We've got some food left over from our picnic yesterday."

"And I'll get us whatever we've got around here for tea." John got back to his feet. "Or coffee, depending on whether or not you like the American brand."

"I can't say I'm well versed in coffee products so I might just stay true to tea." Anna walked over to where she left the saddlebags and dug through them.

John joined her a moment later, pumping next to her to send a stream of water shooting from the metal faucet. "I'm glad this didn't freeze up."

"Not that we'd be in a bad place if it did."

"We've got enough snow outside to melt for water so we'd be alright. It's just easier if we can skip that step." John poured the water into a small pot and brought out the arm from the fire to set it to boil. He retook his seat on the floor, smiling at her. "So, Ms. Smith, what do you think of the rougher side of living? Is it everything you imagined?"

"I'm sure I didn't imagine this because it's not really the 'rougher' side is it?" Anna set the remainder of the previous day's foodstuffs between them. "We're not bundled together in what we have, further up this mountain, struggling to survive. We got lucky."

"Would you want to try summiting these cliffs just to get the full experience?"

"No," Anna shook her head. "My one time mountaineering I had a bit of a brush with death and I'd rather not repeat it and put us both in danger."

"You think you would?"

"I almost strangled my cousin Charles when I lost my footing and took us both down a shallow slope." Anna laughed, shaking her head. "I'm not in the mood to almost strangle you."

"I don't know," John shrugged, "We'll have to find some way to explain to everyone what we've been doing up here."

Anna ducked her head, "Not of the mind to tell them about our evening activities?"

"Those kind of things should stay private, in my opinion." John scooted toward her on the floor, "That way they're only shared between the people who want to share them again."

"Any more of it and you'll have to marry me." Anna held his gaze. "I won't be the mother to any illegitimate children."

"And I wouldn't want that for you either but this kind of this has to be done properly, in my experience." John sat back, "I've done a right job of buggering the order but I will be putting a ring on that finger Ms. Smith."

"I hope so." Anna pulled the arm off the fire when the pot bubbled and managed to get the steaming water into two mugs as John added the tea bags. "You did worry me for a bit there."

"When?" John blew over his mug and took a tiny sip before setting it back.

"You kept referring to me as a dream, as if you couldn't quite fathom I was real."

"I can't." John turned fully toward her. "How could a woman like you ever hope to be happy with someone like me?"

"You're being ridiculous."

"Am I?" John frowned, "I've got no title, I'm from nothing, and the distance between this plot of land and the grand house of your grandmother's is significant. Add in the distance to the even grander mansion I'm sure you called home from the time you could totter the hallways there's an ocean. You think me being wary of your affections is ridiculous."

"Yes." Anna stood up in a rush. "What you've got to offer is honesty, industry, and compassion. You're intelligent, kind, and generous. Not just with your time but also your means. You allowed a relative stranger to stay at your house and took care of my every whim if I asked it. Is it so ridiculous to want someone like that?"

"You're the one who doesn't realize that those are the qualities of any man. The kind of men who deserve you more than I do." John stood but Anna backed away, shaking her head.

"No, John, they don't deserve me." She forced her fingers together like a beak, jabbing them toward her chest like she wanted to use them to impale herself. "Because I've seen the kind of men who believe they deserve me and they're nothing like you. They're cruel and conniving and vicious and thieves. They take what doesn't belong to them because they believe the world owes them a debt for simply being born."

Anna put a hand to her forehead, pushing her hair back as she shook her head. "No, the kind of men who have their believed right to me either rejected me for being broken or want to take advantage of what they believe is my vulnerability."

"Anna-"

"No," Anna turned toward the sink where the pump was, leaning on it for support. "I can bear to hear you say again how unworthy you are of me when you're the most worthy person who's ever lived. But perhaps…"

The creak of a board behind her positioned John just off her right shoulder, "Perhaps what?"

"Perhaps it's for a different reason entirely and you're just trying to be noble." Anna faced John. "I guess that once I told you the whole story I should've expected this. Putting it all out in the open does leave you vulnerable in a way but I'm glad of that. It means that I don't have to worry about being found out because I gave myself away. My shame has nowhere to hide because you already know it."

"Shame?"

"Yes, Mr. Bates, shame." Anna tried to stiffen her shoulders, "But I bear it well don't I?"

"Why are you talking about shame?" John put his hands to his head as if trying to understand something. "I don't see anything shameful about you."

"That's the point, Mr. Bates, you haven't but everyone else does." Anna flailed a hand in the air, "I'm spoiled for all of them as a bride because I'm not whole. And for the others I'm a convenient whore."

"You're not spoiled and you're no one's whore." John's voice bit through and Anna jumped a little at the vitriol in his voice. "You're perfect and no one and nothing can ever take that from you."

"He already took it from me."

"No," John leveled a finger at her. "You're made holier and higher because of the suffering you've been put through. You kept your head high and you fought your corner to the end. Nothing can take away what you are and no one can say differently."

"They already have, Mr. Bates. It's why I came here in the first place. No one of my class will take a fallen woman."

"Unless they're saying you fell from heaven I don't know what they're all fussing about." John caught her shoulder when she tried to shake off his comment with a measure of derision. "I'm not denying you because I see anything broken in you. I see all that brokenness in myself and I don't know how I could ever be worthy of you. Of someone like you."

"You are." Anna pleaded with him, her hands on his face. "Just… just trust that I know my own mind in this. Please. Trust that I wouldn't say this if I didn't mean it."

John rested his forehead against hers, giving off a chuckle that bore a note of bitterness to it. "What a pair we make. Each of us trying to fumble with who we are while someone else only sees the good in us."

"Isn't that what marriage is?" Anna stroked her hand down his cheek, holding fiercely at his neck. "That we see those parts of ourselves that another wants to fix and fill with love?"

"I think there's a measure of that to it." John kissed her forehead, "But it's more than that. You'd be leaving everything behind."

"There's nothing for me there anyway." Anna pulled back enough to look at him. "There's everything here for me."

"Then I promise to do everything I can to make you happy because to me, you're perfect." John cupped her face in his hands and kissed her gently. "Should we eat?"

"I'm not hungry yet." Anna pressed John back toward the sink with the pump so he bumped against it. "What I started last night I want to finish now."

"What do you mean?" John flinched as Anna flipped his belt from its loops.

"You were introducing me to the erogenous zones on the body." Anna opened the buttons on his trousers and pulled them down enough to run her hands over the fabric of his long johns. "I'd like to discover a few more."

"Are you sure?"

"Very." Anna popped the lower buttons, her breath catching a bit when the fabric around her hands twitched. "If you're not-"

"I'm…" John choked and Anna noticed the way his fingers gripped the edge of the sink behind him. "It'd be horrible to stop you."

"Then tell me if I'm doing a good job." Anna peeled the fabric back and wondered if she should not just strip John naked. Once her hand touched him, however, she wanted nothing more than to discover him.

Her learning curve stuttered a bit at the start, reacting to the guttural noises John tried to swallow back but could not. Anna tried to work her hands around him, remembering what she did the night before, but found it felt a bit hollow. Not that her efforts were unappreciated in their amateur skill. For all Anna knew about how to replicate what John did to her, it would require her to do something different.

The fear that settles on someone when they attempt something new weighed down Anna's shoulders. She took a deep breath and reached forward to kiss at him. A reaction that almost toppled them both when John staggered. However, Anna continued and tested with her tongue.

John's hand came down and caught one of her hands. Anna paused and John had to swallow a moment before he could actually speak. "I don't want you to feel obligated."

"I don't." Anna tucked her fingers over to drag her nails over him. He grabbed at the counter again and Anna licked forward. "I'm looking forward to it."

At that point John gave over to it. The process of learning how to use her mouth as another source of pleasure stopped and started but soon she had John groaning under her. Touching, tasting, and scraping her teeth over his growing erection finally revealed to Anna that there was a way to control this man.

The same way he controlled her: through pleasure.

When John's hips bucked toward her Anna froze. That second was enough to give john a grip on her shoulders and drag her up. For a moment she worried there was something wrong with her treatment of him but the roughness of John's lips on hers told her there was nothing wrong with it.

In fact, she did a wonderful job.

John spun them almost too quickly for Anna to gauge her position in space and time. She landed on the edge of the counter and could only grip John's shoulder to ground herself when his hands moved over her legs. A swift whip of her skirt and her knickers left her open to him and before she could even gage the turn of events, John entered her.

That was when he paused. He held her close, taking deep breaths before he could lift his head to look at her. "Are you alright?"

Anna considered a verbal response but realized any possible words she would use fled in a moment. All she could do was nod and try to move counter to John's immediate thrusts. And that was all she could do.

Unlike their previous encounters this was not a slow or sensual experience. This was entirely up to John and Anna surrendered to him. He guided their motions, holding her to him, and kissed over her neck when he could manage not to lose himself in her.

She struggled to keep up with him and tried to hold onto him but she could not find a grip anywhere. Her mind could not comprehend how to keep up with him or how to comprehend this kind of emotional overhaul. The moment she thought there was nothing else but surrender to John, he moved his fingers to her nerves and sent her over the edge.

The world sparked for a moment and Anna realized they finally stopped moving. John held her close, the rush of his breathing rippling the fabric of her blouse while his hands shook at her back. She dug her fingers into the rough material of his shirt and pulled herself back enough to look in his eyes.

"Are we telling anyone about that?"

They laughed together a moment, John kissing Anna before stepping back to help her situate herself and them himself. Anna rolled her shoulders back and held onto the counter before she could move on steady legs. Staggering together they took their positions back by the fire.

"I don't think so." John shook his head, "And I've no idea what I'll say about what we did here for two days."

"One day." John frowned and Anna sipped at her cold tea before putting it to the side. "You said the snow should clear up enough for us to leave."

"It's true. But we did leave yesterday morning and we won't be back until tomorrow night so I think it'll still be three days."

"Only one of those days we'll have to explain." Anna took a deep breath. "And then what?"

"You mean how soon until I can tell your father I'm marrying you?" John smiled at her, "Or until I put a ring on your finger?"

"I meant more about the idea of how I'll keep my hands off you with Mrs. Hughes in the vicinity."

"There are places to go on my property."

"Is that you suggesting further impropriety Mr. Bates?"

"You asked the question." John leaned back on the floor, "And Mrs. Hughes'll have to adjust her rules once you and I are married because I won't sleep in a different bed or escort you to the bottom of those stairs at night with a kiss to your hand."

"I hope you're not about to say you'd carry me up those same stairs."

"I'd never make it." John hurried to explain as Anna mocked offense. "I couldn't do it with my leg."

"There's nothing wrong with your leg as far as I know."

"Because I've not put it to the hazard lately." John extended his right leg and patted it. "When I served in the Army I took some shrapnel there. They couldn't remove it all and so they just had to sow me back up."

"Then you're alright."

"Unfortunately those pieces inside me like to move."

"Move?"

"When you walk your muscles move and your body has to adapt and adjust. If you've something else in there then it moves too."

Anna nodded and then tried to hide a grin that sent her cheeks blushing. "Like me riding you last night."

John almost choked on his cold tea.

* * *

They spent the rest of the day searching out the cabin. John made the occasional trip to the horses, Anna joining him on one excursion, and checked that their route would be sufficiently melted by the next morning. More importantly, Anna finally dug out a long forgotten chess set with handmade pieces.

"This is gorgeous." She settled on a pile of furs she took to the floor by the fire, examining the pieces in the half-light provided to her by the flickering firelight. "Who made these?"

"There's a trapper-trader who comes through during the thaw that does a dab hand at carvings." John settled near her, taking a piece and investigating it as he stretched next to her in only his long johns. "He's made me a few things before for services rendered."

"What kind of services?"

"Mostly just room and board." John set the pieces back and leaned on the furs. "A lot of the people in this area only belong to the place for a short time and so they trade what they have for what they need and then move on."

"I couldn't live like that." Anna tucked the board to the side, setting up the pieces. "I'm not someone who could forsake all mankind like that."

"Why not?" John ran a finger along her exposed arm, "Too pedestrian for you?"

"No," Anna sat back, bringing up a knee so she could rest her chin there. "It's more that I need somewhere to belong. Women, in general, I think are like that. We need someone place that needs us. We need to build a home."

"Then you're not one for the aimless wanderings."

"Women haven't got time for aimless wanderings and the ones who do are considered unstable or spinsters." Anna sighed, "It's the stark and harsh reality of the world in which we live that a man who wants to travel and own nothing and bed whomever he likes is applauded as an explorer and adventurer while a woman with similar inclinations is hailed as a freak or derided for her ambitions."

John nodded, "But your desire to build a home doesn't stem from being forced to build one."

"How do you know?" Anna turned away from the board, supporting herself on her arm to look down on his prostrate form.

"Because you came here, to the edge of the civilized world-"

"The level of civilization still to be debated."

John only flipped the end of her nose with a finger at her comment, "You came all the way here and you didn't run for the hills."

Anna frowned, "I don't follow."

"The only people with you were myself, Gwen, and the gratefully departed Mr. Green. There wasn't a chaperone or anyone to harness you to a table or a sitting room or a local sewing circle. If you wanted you could've bought a horse and whatever someone told you might be necessary for the wilderness and ridden north to Vancouver or the great forests of Canada or south to the Spanish settlements and even Mexico."

"But?"

"But you didn't. You settled yourself into a life of caring for my house." John sat up a bit, "For all the talk of women not being allowed to wander I think the greatest part about you, and women in general, is that you have the skill to take any place and make it your home."

"Doesn't that just tell me you want a wife to cook and clean for you?"

"I've got people I pay to do those things." John reached out a hand and played with Anna's hair. "What I want from a wife is someone who will take what I have to offer and build something grander out of it. For all the wonder I see in the world I know that a mother sees those possibilities in their infinite extrapolations."

"You're wasted as a cowboy, Mr. Bates." Anna flipped a bit of his hair from his forehead, matching his smile.

"What should I do instead, Ms. Smith?"

"You should've been a philosopher or a poet." Anna leaned over to kiss him. "Fancy a game of chess?"

"No," He pulled her on top of him, "I fancy you."

"Fancy me how?"

"However you want to take me."

"Then," Anna swallowed and stood up, releasing the belt on her skirt and unbuttoning her blouse. "Please make yourself a bit more… comfortable."

Anna turned her back to him, leaving her clothes to gather in a pile on the floor. The mood shifted when she peeked over her shoulder to see John stretching back on the furs with his arms tucked behind his head, waiting for her. She managed a few careful steps backward and sat with her back to him, facing toward the fire, and decided to use the light to better her exploration of his erection.

It still fascinated her and she could not tell if it was simply the alien nature of the male sex organ or just because she knew this was one of the ways John could send her to the edge of pure pleasure. Whatever the reason she immediately set to addressing its contours and sensations with her hands and her mouth, grateful for whatever tutor had insisted that practice made one better at an activity.

Now she could vary the movements of her mouth over him, using her tongue and teeth to more skillful advantage. Not that her early foray into the action was unwelcome but on her knees with him standing over her was not the best angle for satisfaction. This, with him underneath her like prey, seemed far more advantages a position.

And John's reaction seemed to agree.

When she snuck a taste of the slit at the head of him, his body writhed under her. When she dragged her fingernails down to the base before fondling with unbridled curiosity the sack that hung below his arousal, he grunted and dug his fingers into the flesh of her thigh. And when her mouth sucked as deeply on him as she could manage, John's other hand sought to send her over the edge as well.

Anna bucked at his first teases toward her. Her mouth came off him with a pop and she turned over her shoulder while John's hands urged her legs to spread wider. It left her utterly exposed to him and John dragged her back toward him as he leaned forward.

At the touch of his tongue, in concert with his own hands, Anna wondered if it were possible to die from sheer excitement. Not that she wanted to since there was more to come. More to be enjoyed when they mirrored one another in the symmetry the Chinese immigrants expressed with their Daoist symbols of interlocking black and white.

That was them: giving and receiving pleasure at the hand of their equal but opposite. Anna moaned at the feel of him and tried to press her hips closer to his ministrations. John responded with fervor to match the rise in his own need to the point both vibrated with sheer pleasure.

But everything reaches a peek and Anna bent at the waist to slide out of John's grip. She planted a final kiss on him and, ignoring his murmur of confusion, sank down on him. He did not express any confusion after that.

It was different from this position. He was as deep as he had been the night before and the control was in her hands again. Anna realized she liked it and gave over to the rocking sensations he taught her that now struck different nerves given her altered position. Regardless, there was something… sinful? about not seeing John. Leaving him behind her as she tried to drive herself to her peak.

John must have sensed it since he shifted, sending his member sliding deeper inside her when he bent at the waist. His arms around her held Anna still a moment and he kissed over her shoulders before sucking toward her neck.

"Do you know what you're doing?"

"I think so."

He let a breathing laugh caress her ear, "I don't mean mechanically. I mean emotionally?"

Anna shook her head, trying to move but his arms and position stopped her. She turned over her shoulder to see him but he just kissed her. One of his hands held her face still and Anna sighed into him, relaxing in his hold.

"You're making it a mystery. You're heightening the experience. Because now, you could be anyone. I could be anyone. It's what happens when you don't see the face of the person." His words were whispers against her ear, tickling her tingling skin as his arms loosened ever so slightly. "It makes it a question of where the other person's mind is. And you wonder, are they thinking about me?"

"Who else would I think about?"

"That's the point." John tugged her earlobe with his teeth and then sucked a red mark at the juncture between her neck and collar. "I have to make sure you're only thinking about me. You've made sure I have to be engaged because I can't watch you come apart under me. I have to feel for it."

His fingers teased near where they joined and Anna whimpered at the touch of calloused fingers practicing their experienced art on her. She rolled her hips to feel more of him and bit back a response when he shifted ever-so-slightly inside her. John kissed toward her mouth again.

"Do you want that Anna?"

"Yes." Anna latched a hand over his wrist and pressed him to service immediately.

John did not tease her further and simply gripped a large hand at her hips to hold her in place when his legs came up to give him the leverage he needed. The kind of leverage that ignited whatever sparking nerves he already set alight with his earlier motions. And Anna gave in to it.

Gyrating and rocking, thrusting back with her hips in what she knew would be a wholly undignified fashion, Anna tried fruitlessly to meet his demanding pace. But soon she surrendered her hold on his wrist and grabbed at his bent legs to piston herself sufficiently in time with his drives.

Under such a delicious assault it took no time for Anna to finish. The tightening she had come to recognize as the end point for her did not cease but tumbled into another concussive burst as John's speed let loose like a horse in full gallop. He lunged into her, fingers leaving bruising marks over her skin, and expelled in his ejaculation what sounded like her name.

They slumped together. Anna leaned on his legs until they lost their strength and John flopped back on the furs. With ginger movements Anna slipped herself free and lay next to him, trying to find solace in the crackle of the fire or the thump of his heart. Both, however, only raced.

"I believe…" John finally tried to manage, taking generous lungfuls of air before turning to see her, "I could never think of anyone but you for the rest of my life."

"And I you." Anna laid the strongest kiss she could on him, gentle in her lack of strength, and lay back. "We'll have to take the chess board back as proof."

"Proof of what?"

"What we did here."

John sniggered, "I can't play chess. I never learned. Mrs. Hughes'll see right through it."

"Then I'll have to teach you on horseback to confuse her." Anna snuggled closer to him, "Because I'm not telling anyone about this."

"Nor me." John stroked some of her hair out of her face. "This is just between you and I."

"I like the sound of that."


	12. Grossest of Machinations

Anna settled the cabin as it had been when they found it but for the furs John insisted on wrapping around her coat to keep out the increased chill. Once all was in readiness she finally saw the outside of the cabin and the view stole what little breath the cold air had not already succeeded in taking away. With John's hand on her shoulder she focused on that task at hand.

He helped her mount her horse and explained the situation. "The snow's solid and melting so it's still dangerous. Especially since it was colder last night and so some of the slush might have frozen. Trust your horse's instincts on that in most cases. In all others, follow my lead."

"I don't have any intention of going off alone." Anna took the reins in her hand and waited for John to mount. "But I do hope it's a bit warmer on the way down."

"It'll heat up a bit as the snow melts." John arranged a borrowed fur over himself to keep in the heat. "We just follow it carefully down and by this evening we'll enjoy the lovely cooking of Mrs. Patmore."

"I'm excited for that." Anna urged her horse forward behind John's. "As much as I enjoyed the experience of eating dried meat I'm not sure I could endure it long term."

"I guess you're not going to ask to say on as one of my cowboys then." John turned over his shoulder slightly to look at her while clicking for Elizabeth to continue down the trail Anna could not see.

"I don't think I have the skills for that."

"I don't know," Anna could almost hear the laugh in his voice as his next comment painted her cheeks red. "I think you ride rather well."

"Say something like that again and you'll see how well I ride Mr. Bates." Anna bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself laughing as John coughed on his horse.

For most of their ride they kept quiet, John and the horses needing a decrease in distraction to make sure they were taking the safest path. Only a few of the moments down the mountain stopped her heart. One was when her horse slipped a hoof and her life had flashed over her eyes a moment but Jane recovered. The other was John dismounting to feel out the path ahead of them and almost taking a tumble down the mountainside. But they managed to reach the foot of the mountain and worked through the light dusting of melting powder toward John's house.

Darkness descended when they reached the house and the shriek of joy from Gwen and Mrs. Hughes overtook them both as they dismounted outside the stables. Before they even managed to get inside the building, Gwen wrapped her arms around Anna, surprising them both. They disengaged quickly to look over at Mrs. Hughes pumping John's hand as fast as she could. When she finally released his hand Anna saw John flex his fingers, leading them the group inside the building.

"It's so good to see you Mr. Bates. When the storm hit up there we feared the worst. But then we saw the fire from one of the cabins we took hope." Mrs. Hughes put a hand out to greet Anna. "There was some worry we'd assumed what we shouldn't but I trusted to providence."

"We were well protected by something." John removed the fur and laid it over the door to the stall. "But we need to see to our horses and then perhaps a bath is in order. And perhaps we can convince Mrs. Patmore to make something for a late dinner."

"Mrs. Patmore'd grill you a mountain of steaks if that's what you wanted since you've returned." Mrs. Hughes nodded toward Anna, "Do you need the help of Ms. Smith here?"

John eyed the horses and then Anna. "That's her decision I think."

"I think I owe it to this animal to help make sure she's settled and then I'll be in." Anna turned to Gwen, "If you could arrange a bath for me when I arrive inside, that would heavenly."

"Can do milady." Gwen gave a smile and disappeared inside.

Mrs. Hughes paused a moment long and Anna turned to her horse, removing the bit to give herself a reason not to meet the woman's all-searching eyes. "I know that much of your time was spent in travel but what did you find to do up there?"

"I tried to help Mr. Bates learn how to play chess." Anna waved a hand, still keeping her back to Mrs. Hughes. "He's rather hopeless at long-term strategy."

"Then I'll have to propose a game with you, Mr. Bates, see if you learned anything at all."

"I'll look forward to it Mrs. Hughes." John took the bridle in his hand, and the one from Anna, to hang on the far wall. "Could you pass me the brush?"

"Of course." Mrs. Hughes was still in the midst of handing it over when Anna turned, hefting the large saddle in her arms, and their eyes met. "Despite the unexpected delay, did you enjoy the trip Ms. Smith?"

"I did. It was a little adventure to take back with me." Anna settled the saddle in its place and immediately returned to take the blanket from her horse. "I'm grateful Mr. Bates was so amenable."

"Mr. Bates is very amenable when given the right conditions." Mrs. Hughes narrowed her eyes again, leaving the brush and then scraping her hands over her skirt as she headed for the door. "I'll see to that dinner now."

When Anna was sure Mrs. Hughes had left the stable she faced John. "She knows."

"I suspect so but we'll not be telling her anything." John passed Anna a brush for Jane. "What she can't prove she can't assert. She's a lady of great decorum and she knows the unspoken code about such things."

"But not the kind that leaves judgment at the door." Anna brushed down her horse. "I'm not sure how long I could endure her glares or scowls across the table."

John shrugged, "I guess that means I've got the responsibility of making you an honest woman as quickly as possible."

"We'd have to go to town for that." Anna finished with her horse and then waved to John as he prepared the feed. "Please spoil her a bit. She's endured a lot the last three days."

"Haven't we all?" John nodded toward the house. "Go and get your bath and I'll see you at dinner."

"I hope so." Anna bit at her lip a moment, checking to make sure they were alone in the stables. "I do wish you could join me in that bath."

"Perhaps in the future." John leaned over, kissing Anna quickly and returned to feeding the horses.

Anna made her way toward the house, leaving the fur in the stable. Her fingers worked the buttons on her coat and she wove through the house to reach the bottom of the grand stairs. She turned up and saw Mrs. Hughes descending the staircase toward her like the Grand Inquisition coming to make an evaluation of a potential sinner.

Freezing a bit, Anna nodded at her. "Mrs. Hughes."

"Ms. Smith." They eyed one another and Mrs. Hughes spoke first. "I do hope you haven't made a rash decision."

"I haven't."

"Because if you cause any kind of pain to Mr. Bates, however slight you may believe it is, I will find and destroy you."

Anna swallowed, "I sympathize with your sentiment."

"Then I'm glad we understand one another." Mrs. Hughes clapped her hands together. "Dinner will be served in one hour. I do hope you join us."

Heaving a barely suppressed sigh of relief, Anna took the stairs to her room. She entered to see Gwen finishing with another kettle of hot water. "That is the most welcome sight."

"Far more welcome than the news I've got I think." Gwen helped Anna out of her crinkling clothes and scrunched her face in distaste. "There's been news in town."

"What kind of news?" Anna eased one foot gingerly into the water and gave a sigh from the bottom of her lungs. "Though, perhaps, hold that news a bit until I comprehend the joys of this particular blessing."

"I'll deal with your clothes and be back a moment milady." Gwen vanished and Anna relaxed against the back of the tub.

When she returned Anna was already soaping up a cloth to wash herself over. "I don't know how people do it."

"Do what milady?"

"Live out in the wilderness without access to these things." Anna waved her hand around the room, "It makes you think about the idea of what we need versus what we want."

"And what do you need milady?"

"I need to find a way to take care of myself." Anna sat up in the bath and reached for the towel. "Especially if you used those three days to your advantage."

"Mr. Harding was the perfect gentleman." Gwen helped Anna by taking the towel and passing over her underclothes. "And he's like to ask your permission to marry me."

"My permission?" Anna laced up her corset, holding her breath a moment to do up the catches on the front. Adjusting her chemise underneath kept the fabric from biting into her skin, Anna pulled a slip over her head. "Why'd he need my permission?"

"I told him my parents have already passed and so he thought it was appropriate to ask your permission since you're the closest thing I've got to family."

"If he asks then he'll be getting an answer to the affirmative."

"Thank you milady." Gwen gushed, practically thrusting the dress into Anna's hands. "I can't be more grateful than I am now."

"I'm glad I could be here for you." Anna did up her dress, "I need dresses that button in the front from now on. I don't think the idea of having to work buttons over my back will be entirely convenient."

"I'll draw up a list for when we're in town."

"Speaking of town," Anna moved to the mirror, checking her final appearance. "I need to send news to my family. They'll be expecting me for Christmas in New York and I need to let them know Mr. Bates'll be joining us."

"Then you're moving forward with him?"

"That's the plan." Anna stopped, noticing Gwen's shuffle and the way she chewed at her bottom lip. "What is it Gwen?"

"There's been word, from town."

Anna sighed, rolling her shoulders back. "You mentioned there'd been news. What was it?"

"It appears that Mr. Green made some loans on your name and now there are creditors hoping you'll resolve some accounts."

"We've been here for two weeks. What settlements could he have brought this quickly with that kind of backlash?"

"I think he dealt with some of the wrong creditors, according to Mr. Harding." Gwen shrugged, "He's been trying to sort through it on your behalf as the forwarding address was left as this place."

Anna sighed, "What do they want?"

"I'm not entirely sure, since I don't understand all of the words Mr. Harding uses when he talked about it, but they want a meeting. As soon as possible."

"Is he here?"

"No, he's in town to finish something on Mr. Bates's account. He'll be here tomorrow and then he wants to speak to you."

"In other situations I would be excited about what a conversation with Mr. Harding might mean but now…" Anna shook her head, "We'll worry over it tomorrow."

"Yes milady."

They walked together to the dining room and entered with smiles but those smiles vanished when they saw who else stood there.

Anna recovered first. "Mr. Green. What a surprise to see you here."

"In other circumstances I might say it was." Green put a hand to the back of his head, combing at his hair there. "I've been sick with worry."

"Worry?"

Before Green could answer the question John entered the room. He kept his face impassive and walked toward Green to extend his hand. "What a surprise to see you here Mr. Green as I don't remember inviting you."

"I thought it better to come myself than to send a messenger."

"Would there be a need for messengers?"

"There are men who are… interested in Ms. Smith here and I thought it my duty to ensure her safety." He risked a look over John's broad shoulders to take a peek at Anna. "There'd been no word for three days and so I thought…"

"Thought what?" John crossed his arms over his chest. "If I remember correctly, Ms. Smith left you at the train platform and didn't indicate a desire to see you again."

"Ms. Smith and I are engaged, Mr. Bates, and therefore her desire to see me is between she and I, not you and I."

"Engaged?" Anna almost shoved past John in her hurry to get closer to Green. "We are not engaged, Mr. Green. I rejected your rather uncouth and offensive suggestion with a quite definitive answer. That answer was no."

"Unfortunately that's not what your family thinks."

"Or your creditors." Anna bristled, "I've already been informed about your taking a few unadvised loans out in my name. Loans I will not be resolving for you."

"That's the thing." Green held up a piece of paper and handed it over to Anna. "They're in your name, not mine."

"This isn't my signature and any comparison'll prove that."

"You'd have to go to town for that."

"Then isn't it lucky I already have plans to do so." Anna kept the paper when Green reached for it. "I don't think I'll let this forgery go so quickly."

"That's up to you." Green went to go but John stepped in his way. "I was about to show myself out."

"I think it's best you stay here, Mr. Green. To make sure you don't cause any further trouble."

Green snorted, "You think you're something particularly fine, don't you Mr. Bates?"

"I think I'm trying to be a gentleman and not break your arm right here." John pointed to a seat at the table. "Sit there and I won't have you tied up and tossed in the cellar."

Green took his uneasy seat and Anna ensured there was the maximum of distance between the two of them. When John took the seat at her side Green laughed. "Is that what's happened here? Less than a month and you're already close to this rough rider?"

"I would suggest, Mr. Green, that you consider the luck you've already had and not make matters worse for yourself." Anna grabbed around her fork with more vigor than necessary so it shook in her grip. "You've made a mockery of me and of my name."

"Something I'm sure your cousin'll sort out for you."

Anna frowned, "What's Charles got to do with this?"

"I sent word to him, when you came up here, informing him you'd been abducted." Green shrugged, "I thought it the best way to get you away from dangerous company."

"You bastard." Anna went to stand but John stood first.

"Mrs. Hughes would you please call in William and Alfred?"

Green held their gazes. "It's not in my nature to claim defeat."

"Then perhaps I should beat your head against this table until you know the term for surrender." Anna let the fork drop from her hand, wishing she could have driven it through his eye socket. "What have you done?"

"What I need to."

"To what end?"

"Your hand, Ms. Smith." Green shuffled in the chair, "I made my intentions quite clear in your grandmother's drawing room."

"And how've you ensured your disgusting machinations would come to fruition?" Anna grit her teeth, grinding down on her jaw to make sure she did not sound shrill or give herself over to the urge of wrapping her fingers around his throat.

"I told your cousin that I was your fiancé and we'd been unfortunately separated on our way to investigate a property I was hoping to purchase while I here on business." Green stiffened a bit when William and Alfred came into the room. "What's this? Your bodyguards?"

"They're going to make sure you don't leave until the morning." John nodded to them. "Please escort our guest to one of the stocks. Make sure he's fed but I want a guard on him at all times."

"Yes sir." Alfred and William each took an arm and escorted Green from the room.

Anna slumped back in her chair, burying her head in her hands. She could heard John's voice over the rush in her ears and looked up to see Gwen and Mrs. Hughes debating back and forth before John called them to order. Lowering her hands so she could watch it all, Anna ignored her food when her stomach rolled.

"He claimed to be Ms. Smith's cousin Charles Blake and was in rather a state." Mrs. Hughes shrugged, "I told him only that Ms. Smith was here and she'd be down for dinner shortly."

"But nothing else?"

"If you mean did I tell him anything about this house, its environs, or any of the goings on then I'd remind you, Mr. Bates, that I'm a housekeeper. I know how to maintain the dignity of the house." Mrs. Hughes pulled at her apron and twitched her head a bit like a preening peacock. "This is my house and I'll not let a snake like that do anything with what he learns here for there'll be nothing for him to learn."

"And you, Ms. Dawson, what do you know of this?"

"Only what I told Lady Anna earlier. Mr. Harding's been trying to sort through the legal work and the related financial situation but that's all I know and I don't even know what to do with any of that." Gwen wrung her hands. "If I knew anything else I would've said immediately sir."

"It's alright." John held up a hand, "Would you ladies excuse us a moment? I believe I need to confer with Ms. Smith about what she needs in this case and privacy's of the essence."

Mrs. Hughes and Gwen disappeared from the room but John did not retake his seat. Instead he offered Anna a hand and led her through the house to his studio. She settled into one of the chairs there as John turned the on the lights. He took the seat across from her but did not speak immediately.

In fact he stood up as soon as he sat, walking over to one of the easels. Anna rotated slightly in the chair to watch him over her shoulder. His finger drew softly down one of the paintings she had left there. The painting of his house, nestled as it was in the trees and the valley, in a growing dusk.

"It was all I could think about." Anna whispered, preserving the silence.

John only nodded, returning to his seat but keeping his eyes on the painting. When he finally looked at her it was with the weight of the world on his shoulders. "What exactly happened on that platform, Ms. Smith?"

"Do you suspect I gave him my hand without knowing it?"

"No but I do suspect he might have used some part of your conversation to his advantage."

"He never even truly offered his hand to me." Anna stretched her mind back to the conversation she tried to bury with all the side-glances and murmured insults she endured in Yorkshire. He said he wanted me to be his wife before insulting my position as a perceived fallen woman and accusing me of taking this journey to the West for the purpose of husband hunting."

"Was there a ring?"

"He did present one to me but I never touched it. I didn't even take the box."

"And he couldn't have put it with your things?"

Anna frowned and shook her head. "I had no handbag and the other baggage was loading onto your carriage. Unless he got close when you helped me get away then there's no possible way he managed to put that ring on me or with my possessions."

"And when I broke up the conversation?"

"He was holding me against my will after my rather vehement rejection of his proposal."

"What of the paper?" Anna noticed she still had it clenched in her hand. She passed it over and John studied it. "Your sure this looks nothing like your signature?"

"I could sign my name a thousand times and it'd never resemble whatever that is." Anna sighed, "How much trouble am I in for this?"

"If Mr. Harding's already applying his extensive skill to the issue then I've every confidence you won't be held responsible for any of this debts." John shook his head, "I just don't understand what they are."

"How'd you mean?"

"Mr. Green mentioned, when we first endeavored on this adventure with him in tow, that he was looking to invest out here. By the looks of these loans he's not got any money. It's all being sent back to New York."

"My grandmother was sure he was wealthy."

"I'm getting the feeling Mr. Green is poorer than he lets on and he was hoping to bury his old debts with new ones. Extending his shortening life span with credit he wanted to build with your good name."

"What about Charles?" Anna worried her hands. "He'd have bought passage on the next available ship the moment he thought I was in danger. That means, if Mr. Green sent that cable when we walked away from him at the platform, he could already be here."

"You'll have to find and tell your cousin the truth." John handed the paper back, an obvious attempt at smoothing it curling the paper. "If he's as smart as yourself he'll see through the lies Green fed him."

"I worry more about what he'll say when I tell him I was planning on marrying you." Anna cringed, "I wanted to present you to my family without a way for them to turn you back so they wouldn't try and talk me out of it or perhaps talk you out of it."

"Do you think I'm someone to be so easily swayed?"

"If you thought you loved me enough to let me go I do." Anna tried to smile at John. "Charles is a good man and once he meets you he'll think the same thing. But he also represents the reputation of my family and will hold the title of my house. He knows what's at stake and he won't pull punches."

"I think once he has the chance to compare me to Mr. Green you won't have to worry about what he'll say." John pointed to the painting just behind Anna. "And if you offer him that as a gift to take back to your parents I think they'll find my meager fortune more than enough for them."

Anna smiled, sitting back in the chair. "You've quite warmed to this idea haven't you?"

"I think I decided I'd rather be on your side than trying to fight it." John took her hand, kissing it. "We're stronger together, Anna, and we'll fight this."

"Yes we will."


	13. One of the Worst Days

Anna pointed to her various things. "We'll want that packed and then… I don't know what to leave and what to take. There's no telling how long untangling this mess'll take."

"I could prepare a temporary set for you and then have more of your things sent when we know more." Gwen flitted between the cases as Anna put a hand to her head. "We do know you'll be at least three days."

"Maybe as long as a week." Anna closed her eyes and breathed a moment. "Alright, the small case and the handbag. Two of my more functional hats, just in case, and we'll make sure the clothes are utilitarian… if I even have fabric that matches that description."

Anna rubbed over her face, "Maybe I should just pack for home and then leave from there."

"I thought you wanted to come back here milady." Gwen stopped in the middle of digging in one of Anna's cases.

"I do but if it takes too long then…" Anna shook her head, "This might be too much for me on my own. I might need Uncle Harold to help."

"Didn't Mr. Green say he contacted your cousin, Mr. Blake?"

"He did but I don't know if Charles is even here." Anna paced back and forth, "This is a disaster."

Someone knocked on the door and they both turned to see Mr. Harding opening it. He held up a hand and left the door open to allow William and Alfred to show themselves from the hall. "Mrs. Hughes is allowing special dispensation for us to help you in anyway you might need. The carriage is ready to leave as soon as you are."

"I could use some help packing a few things." Gwen pointed to the various items. "The rest I'll pack to send up tomorrow and meet Lady Anna in town."

"Alright," Mr. Harding turned to William and Alfred, "If you'll aid Ms. Dawson here and get all of Lady Anna's things packed away then we can be gone within the hour."

"Yes sir." They both nodded to Anna and stepped into the room, soldiers ready for whatever Gwen might command.

"Lady Anna?" Mr. Harding motioned for her to join him in the hallway and she picked her way across the minefield her room became. "I hope you don't mind but Mr. Bates won't be joining us in town."

"Why not?"

"Sometime early this morning, I'm fuzzy on the particulars since Mr. Moseley is trying to coordinate with all of our hands, the cattle in one of the northern pastures was routed. He and as many of our boys as we have up here in the off season are trying to get them, and the sheep, back into their pastures and off the high grazing."

"Is it serious?"

"There's a potential for cattle stealers but I trust to Mr. Bates's aim as well as his riding ability. I've never seen anyone who can do what he can in a saddle with a gun." Mr. Harding risked a hand to her shoulder but Anna did not remove it. "He'll be alright, of that you can be very certain Lady Anna. He knows what he's doing and the moment he's available he'll be in town ready to help."

"And until then?"

"He's sending me to be there." Mr. Harding shrugged, "I'm not the dealer he is but I do know a fair bit about business, finance, and some of the finer parts of the law. I promise I'll be at your side until we find the answer to all this mess."

"And where's Mr. Green?"

"Mrs. Hughes has one of our managers, a Mr. Barrow, keeping an eye on him until we're ready to leave. Then he'll be up on the carriage top with me while you and Ms. Dawson take the interior." Mr. Harding smiled, "I'll keep him occupied."

"You are a blessing to us all, Mr. Harding."

"I try, Lady Anna." Mr. Harding stole a peek over her shoulder and then cleared his throat, "I don't supposed I might ask something… a bit indecent?"

"Does it have anything to do with the hand of my lady's maid?" Mr. Harding's cheeks reddened along the bone and Anna took one of his dropped hands. "I already gave her my permission if you do ask for her hand."

"You did?"

"Yes and I hope you do." Anna smiled, "She's lucky to have someone as noble and selfless as you, Mr. Harding."

"Thank you." He lowered his voice, "And if it's not too impolite to suggest, I'd say Mr. Bates is quite lucky to have you as well."

Anna grinned, "He thinks so."

"Then he's not alone in that thought since, and this should stay between you and I, Mrs. Hughes approves as well."

"I'll take that as the highest of compliments." Anna turned back into her room, "I'd best get the things I need and then I'll meet you down by the carriage."

"I'll make sure everything's ready."

"Mr. Harding," Anna grabbed his hand again, stopping his turn toward the staircase. "Thank you, for everything you're doing for us."

"It's what Mr. Bates would do for me and you're of great importance to Gwen… I mean," He reddened again, dropping Anna's hand. "You're of great importance to Ms. Dawson and that means you're of great importance to me."

"Then I've never felt safer or more protected." Anna turned back into the room, "Alright, what have we all decided?"

At the end of the hour Mr. Harding helped Gwen into the carriage as William and Alfred worked the bags going with them onto the back of it. Anna turned to Mrs. Hughes, catching sight of a man with perfect hair helping situate Green on top of the carriage with great difficulty, and extended a hand. "It's been a pleasure to stay here, Mrs. Hughes and, if you can pass a message to Mr. Bates, I'd appreciate you telling him that I'm looking forward to seeing him again."

The edge of Mrs. Hughes's mouth twitched upward and Anna swallowed to keep her own grin back. "I'm sure I can tell Mr. Bates that you're very grateful for the privilege of staying here and he'll be welcome to share time with you when you're in town."

"Thank you." Anna turned to Mr. Harding and took his offered hand to get into the carriage.

Just as they rode from town, the ride back had Gwen sleeping against the side of the carriage wall. Anna kept herself occupied reading over the papers Green had given her and making notations in a small book open on her lap. Her handwriting scribbled with the bumping of the carriage and Anna occasionally looked up at the roof, listening to the muffled murmur of the voices speaking from the driver's seat, before turning back to her work.

The ride, and the strain of trying to work out a problem without having all the facts, left Anna cramped and irritable. After disembarking the carriage Anna walked a short distance away, stretching out and taking deep breaths of the sea air. When she turned back to the carriage she noted Mr. Harding pulling Green down as another man made his way toward them.

"Excuse me?" The man addressed Mr. Harding but Anna grabbed his shoulder to turn the man so she could fling herself into his arms.

"Charles!"

His arms wrapped around her as well and Anna squeezed as tightly as he could before finally letting go. "Anna? Are you alright?"

"I've never been better than when I've seen you." Anna kissed the side of his face and then stepped back. "How are you?"

"Dusty and travel worn. This country's too bloody large." Charles looked around, "I was told you were abducted. I came as quickly as I could and your parents are staying with your grandmother while they wait for word."

"Then you'll need to tell them I'm fine, alive, and perfectly well." Anna risked a look at Green before pulling Charles's arm to the side. "This is all his fault."

"If that's the same Mr. Bates who sent the telegram-"

"No," Anna shook her head. "That's Mr. Green. Mr. Bates is still at his ranch trying to resolve some thieves attempting to steal his cattle and sheep."

Charles blinked, "What kind of…" He shook his head, "What's going on here Anna?"

"I think," Mr. Harding had Green by the arm and pointed toward the building outside where their carriage had stopped, "We'd best have this conversation inside."

"Right." Anna turned to Gwen, "We'll get the porters here to help with the bags and I'll get… three rooms?"

"I've already got a room here." Charles pointed inside. "Let me get the rooms and send out the porters while you two find yourselves a table at the restaurant inside so we can get to the bottom of this travesty."

Charles gave a scowl in Green's direction before turning toward the interior of the hotel. Anna turned to Mr. Harding and Gwen, "Let's get inside."

"I've got to see to the carriage." Mr. Harding nodded his head toward the vehicle behind him. "But once Mr. Blake comes back out I'll give him charge of Mr. Green."

"I can take care of myself." Green tried to get away from Mr. Harding but the other man only tightened his grip.

"I think you've an exceedingly bad habit of taking care of things in an exceedingly horrible way when left to your own devices." Mr. Harding held himself higher, "It's alright. I've got him for the moment."

Anna turned to Gwen, "Then let's get inside."

They entered the hotel and a tall man with bushy eyebrows and a very imposing nose, that he used to stare down at Anna and Gwen, greeted them. He lowered his neck in a kind of bow toward Anna before speaking with a deep voice. "It's a pleasure to have you, Lady Anna. I'm Charles Carson, the owner and proprietor of this establishment, and I'm pleased to offer you our best room."

"Actually, we need a room close to Mr. Blake's and one for our… guests, Mr. Green and Mr. Harding."

"Mr. Green?" Carson's lip twitched. "He's already made himself a bit of a problem here and racked up quite a bill."

"One he'll be resolving for himself." Anna assured Carson, "But this bill will be on me and I'll resolve any outstanding debts of our stay are to be turned into me."

"I'll keep that in mind." Carson stepped to the side, opening his arm toward the stairs. "Allow me to show you to your rooms."

Anna and Gwen followed Carson to the second level of the hotel and took the room with the double beds. Stepping inside, Anna nodded at the sight. "This is perfect for our needs. Thank you, Mr. Carson."

"It's our pleasure."

"Could it also be your pleasure to allow us the use of a private dining room? We need five settings for the members of our party and whatever dinner you think best."

Carson pursed his lips as if thinking through the menu in his head before nodding. "I do believe I can accomplish that within the next twenty minutes, if that's sufficient."

"It's more than I could ask for." Anna moved out of the way as two porters brought her things into the room. "And we'll need a place for our other bags. A storage room until we've booked our tickets back to New York."

"We've a bag room available and I'll get the tickets for your bags so you can get them back when you depart."

"Thank you, Mr. Carson." Anna then nodded at Gwen, who removed the purse to pay the porters. "And we'll be down shortly."

The porters cleared out and within ten minutes Anna had sorted the tickets for their bags. She numbered them, nodding, and then passed them over to Gwen. "How are you feeling about all this?"

"A bit… separated from it all." Gwen shrugged, tucking the tickets away in a pocket book. "It's very surreal milady."

"It is that." Anna sighed, "But I'm exhausted and famished so I'd guess you are as well."

"I am milady but I can take a tray here and short through your-"

"Gwen," Anna smiled at her, "I told Mr. Carson our party has five members. You are one of those members and I do need you at that table."

"I'm…" Gwen practically stuttered, "I'm honored milady."

"I've learned a bit from Mr. Bates and one of those things is the respect he has for the opinions of all people." Anna sighed, "It's what makes him very different from Mr. Green and what makes me love him."

"Just that milady?" Gwen suggested as Anna took the key from the door.

"One of the things."

Going down to the dining area, Anna and Gwen took seats at the table Charles, Mr. Harding, and Green already occupied. When they took their seats, settling into the comfort of them, servers immediately set covered dishes in front of them. Anna took her napkin, setting it on her lap, and turned to Charles.

"The story you've been told is a lie."

Charles turned over his shoulder to wave the servers away and then focused on Anna. "The whole reason I came as quickly as I did was because your Uncle Harold recommended him as a man to be entrusted. But you're saying Mr. Bates never sent a telegram."

"No," Anna shook her head, casting a glare toward Green as if daring him to speak. He kept silent, focused on the soup in his bowl. "That telegram was sent by Mr. Green."

Charles raised an eyebrow toward the man at his right and then made an obvious move with his chair to get away from him. "Your Uncle Harold and your grandmother had far less kind things to say about him."

"For good reason." Anna took a sip from her glass. "He's apparently taken loans out in my name and made quite a nuisance of himself here with lies that we're engaged."

"And telling your family that you were abducted." Charles turned to Green, "What kind of disgusting person does what you do?"

Green did not answer, only scowled and faced his bowl.

"Mr. Harding, who works for Mr. Bates, has agreed to help me manage the problem tomorrow and remove my name from all the bad loans that now must be torn up." Anna sighed, "And, if necessary, I'm going back to New York to find the legal help needed to get around this difficult period."

"As far as legal help," Mr. Harding interjected, dabbing at his mouth with a napkin before setting it to the side of his bowl. "I'm here to offer whatever assistance I can in that regard and to keep the conversation open with those who handed out the loans."

"For which we'll compensate your time." Charles assured and then held up a hand when Mr. Harding tried to argue. "I won't take an argument about it. Mr. Bates has entertained my cousin and been a bit more a gentleman than I could guess so I've nothing but respect for him that requires me to repay that debt in whatever small part I can."

"Then what other help can you give, Charles?" Anna struggled, "I'm sorry to admit it but I know I can't do it alone."

"Unfortunately the monetary is all I can do." Charles sighed, "I received another telegram today, from New York, about an inquiry into these loans and I need to get back quickly enough to solve it before there are more serious results."

Anna turned to Green, "What have you done?"

He finally lifted his head, "What I must."

"Then I'm ever so grateful you'll take a very hefty blow from the fact that I'm not your wife and therefore when I take you to the end of this road I can leave you skewered there." Anna sighed, "As it stands, Charles, I'll be joining you in New York as soon as this is all over. I need to make sure it's not another scandal."

"It's probably already a scandal but I'll get a handle on that."

Anna could almost cry, "You're always fixing the results of my mistakes."

"It's what family does." Charles winked at her and then leaned around Green to speak to Mr. Harding. "What other offers has Mr. Bates already given on behalf of my lovely cousin?"

"Mr. Moseley, Mr. Bates's manager, is coming to town tomorrow. He'll be here for fetch and carry and whatever else Ms. Smith'll need while we untangle this mess." Mr. Harding shrugged, "There's much I'll try to do but, at the end of the day, I don't work for Ms. Smith and I don't have responsibility for her affairs. I'm at her disposal but there's only so much I can do."

"Then it's up to my cousin to save herself." Charles grinned, "I'm excited to see what happens when the force of Anna Smith, Lady Islington gets to finally sink her teeth into something of merit."

Anna raised her glass to Charles and he did the same. "To the victor the spoils, I think."

* * *

Anna finished signing her name and turned both pages around on the table to show the man. "I do hope that ends our business, Mr. Aldridge."

"It does." The young man compared the two signatures and nodded, passing over his own disapproving glare toward Green, keeping his seat in the corner. "We're so sorry to've made such a grave error."

"I'm sure it's the not the first time a conniving bastard decided to use someone for his ill-gotten gains." Anna shot him a look and then faced Mr. Aldridge again. "I do hope you get the money back for your bank."

"We'll see what we can do but tracking Mr. Green's spending will be… difficult." Mr. Aldridge shrugged, "It'll be alright. I'm sure the criminal accusations against Mr. Green'll be more than enough concern for him and seeing him in prison'll be more than enough for me."

"Will it?"

"For me." Mr. Aldridge repeated and then cringed, "It's not going to go overly well with my investors but there's difficulty to be handled there and my wife tends to be very charming."

"I'm sure you deserve her." Anna smiled at him, picking up her things. "If that's all, Mr. Aldridge, then I think I've a train to catch."

"That's all we've got for you." Mr. Aldridge checked over his papers. "I'm sorry it's been such a mess these last three days. Hopefully, in the future, it'll be a bit easier to handle the struggles of this business."

"Then I look forward to what the future will make easier for you, Mr. Aldridge." They shook hands, Anna leaving Green with one last withering scowl, and she left the office.

Mr. Moseley, snoring with his head back against the wall, snorted himself awake as Anna laid a hand on his shoulder. "All done, Ms. Smith?"

"Yes," She pulled back, waiting for him to stand and situate himself. "How is Mr. Harding?"

"He and Ms. Dawson took a lunch but they'll be ready on the platform by two for you to catch your train."

"Lovely." Anna walked with him out of the building and toward the hotel. "And… Mr. Bates? How is he?"

"Dealing with the aftermath of those cattle stealers."

"Did they get away with any of them?"

"No," Moseley shook his head. "He routed them all and even caught a few of them. It was a funny thing but he was sure the men kept saying they'd been paid to take the job."

"Someone paid them to steal the cattle for them?"

"No, someone paid them to steal the cattle for themselves."

"What?" Anna stopped, "With the little business I've had to learn in the past three days I know that's a terrible practice."

"Mr. Bates had me bring the men we caught into town for the police to handle so we're hoping it'll resolve itself." Moseley shrugged, "I guess it's all about money in the end."

"Everything usually is."

They crossed the street toward the hotel. As they did so a carriage drove past, separating Anna and Moseley. She hurried back, trying not to get trampled, and when she could move forward again Moseley was crumpling under the blows of four men. Anna rushed forward, the urge to help overcrowding whatever impulse she had for self-preservation, and grabbed for the arm of the first man.

He twisted and she clawed at his face, raking her nails deep into his skin and even scratching his eye. With a howl he swiped at her, missing as his other hand covered his now bleeding face. Anna managed to embed the heel of her shoe in his before bringing her bag around to his face. She missed with the bag but her elbow caught him across the jaw and the man went down.

Holding her throbbing elbow, Anna turned to face another of the men but one of them leapt at her. His hand covered her mouth and his other large arm wrapped her chest to keep her arms trapped at her sides. Anna struggled in his grip but he dragged her back into the alley between the hotel and the building right next to it.

Moseley, lying weakly on the ground with this face a mixture of purpling bruises and bloody gashes, reached out a hand to her but then collapsed in unconsciousness on the road. Anna screamed against the hand at her mouth, biting down with her teeth. The taste of blood and whatever disgusting else the man had yet to wash from him filled her mouth but she did not let go.

He shouted out in surprise, releasing her mouth and Anna screamed. But a sharp pain then bloomed over her cheek before another one struck by her temple. Her inner ear tilted and Anna fought to stay conscious past the nausea of the two blows.

"Get her inside before someone sees us." One of the men growled and Anna felt her body hit the bottom of something with wheels.

It teetered a bit as weight from either side tilted and swayed it. The wood did nothing to solve the beating of blood to her injuries or the swelling that accompanied the horrible pounding from pain. Anna tried to sit up but a hand forced her back down, covering her over with a sheet.

"We didn't get paid to beat up a man or get clocked by a girl." One of them griped, tying down the sheet blocking Anna from seeing the sky or anything about her. "We didn't get paid enough for this. We should've demanded more. Especially since he still wants us to find a preacher."

"Shut up. You know there's more on the way. Especially once we've got those cattle from the other group. Between what he paid them and what he's paying us and what we'll make selling those cows, we won't have to worry about money anymore." A hand patted Anna through the sheet. "This lady here's got us more money than we could ever hope for."

"That's if he coughs up."

"You saw the money he flashed around at the tables. You know he's got it."

"Maybe that's why he called himself 'green'?" One of them sniggered as the cart moved, the crack of a whip bringing Anna from the brink of unconsciousness again.

"Whatever reason he called himself whatever he did, once we get her up the mountain we've got our green and that's all that matters."

The swaying of the cart under her and the heat of the sheet over her, combine with the pain coursing through her, soon lulled Anna to sleep.


	14. The Long, Lonesome Trail

The sheet whipped off Anna's body and she shivered. The darkness around her only broke in the light of three dim lanterns. She struggled and tried to stop them moving her but the strength of the two men holding at her arms was enough to drag Anna off the back of the cart. She stumbled onto the ground and immediately felt the cold snow sink through the thin fabric of her shoes.

Struggling against their hold, her feet dragged furrows in the snow but it did not stop them. And when she bit at one he slapped her across the other cheek, something on his fingers catching in her skin and tearing to send two kinds of pain skittering over her face. She cried out and vaguely made out the man pointing his finger in her face.

"I'll not have you biting me again, is that understood?" Anna did not respond, only chattered her teeth as the man nodded. "Good. Get her in the cabin and then lock it up tight. We're got to wait here for him."

The door opened and Anna moved with her captors into the cabin. It was only a degree warmer than outside and the three men hurried to close the doors before one made his way to the fireplace. Soon he had crackling sparks to lick at the shadows of the room. For a moment Anna doubted her eyes and then her heart sank.

She recognized the furs on the bed, the shape of the fireplace, and the chess set on the mantle. The man at her side jerked her forward, leaving her on the end of the bed, and watched her while the others made the place temporarily habitable. Anna could only swallow consistently in an attempt to hold back tears.

Soon the room was warmed and the men took positions at the two doors while one kept watch on Anna. She barely looked at them, only moving to take a fur from the bed and wrap herself in it as she huddled in the corner. The man watching her snorted and then moved to another side of the room. Anna started when he touched the chess set but he only shrugged and left it to search for something else.

It went on for what Anna could only guess was hours. The sliver of sky she could see out the covered windows was still dark but the barest hint of light showed on the edges when someone finally knocked on the door. All three of the men stood at the ready, their hands on their guns.

Anna drew herself to the end of the bed, keeping her back to the wall, and watched the far door. The man there opened it enough to peek out and then jerked his head toward the gap. Without a word the other men joined him and they all filed out.

The moment of silence that followed was torturous but the three quick cracks that made Anna jump were worse. She clawed at the blankets, holding them close to her as the door creaked open slightly and a man entered. In the shadows of the entryway she could only tell it was not John. When light finally hit the man's face Anna could only feel rage.

"I'd hoped it wasn't you."

"Anna?" Green bent down in front of her and tried to take her hand but she pulled loose from his grip. You've no idea how worried I've been."

"Have you?" Anna scoffed, wanting so badly to spit in his falsely worried face. "Worried they couldn't get me here or that you couldn't?"

"What?' Green frowned and reached for her again but Anna slipped from his grip. "What are you talking about? It's lucky I found you in all this."

"Lucky?" Her laugh was not kind, "I know you hired those men to kidnap me. Just like you hired their friends to try and steal John Bates's cattle."

Green's face only remained impassive for a moment before he slipped back to stand up. "You heard them?"

"I did." Anna tightened her hold on the fur around her. "And they weren't exactly lax on the details, as you now know."

"Then I guess it's a good thing they thought they were getting paid for their work." Green ran a hand through his hair, walking toward the fire. "And even better they never saw my gun coming."

"You don't even have the money to pay them." Anna stood, keeping a safe distance between the two of them so he could not lash out and get her or step and grab at her. "If they'd asked me I could've told them that."

"You don't know anything."

"I know I sat through three days of meetings with every head of every bank in Eureka to tell them the money they gave you wasn't for me or in my name. Don't think me so stupid that I didn't know how to count." Anna shook her head, "What could've had you managing a debt that large?"

"Life isn't easy." Green paced before the fire, "You don't know the kind of enemies you make when you're not as good a card shark as the house."

Anna stopped, "Do these friends happen to have a relationship with your pervious location in New York?"

"As a matter of fact they do." Green turned and pointed at Anna, "You could've helped me with them. Helped put them to bed."

"But now they're satisfied with the money from the banks here and you're robbed Peter to pay Paul." Anna exhaled a little chuckle out her nose, "I can't believe this. This is why you couldn't win at cards. You'd obsessed with what's right in front of your nose and you move based on as assumption that your current situation will be your state all the time."

"Don't assume to lecture me." Green spat at her. "Don't think I don't know what you and Mr. Bates were doing up at his house. I'm not so foolish that I didn't watch how you spoke to one another on the train."

"We were civil and he's been nothing but a gentleman allowing me to view the country from his house."

"And how's the view from between your legs when they're over your head."

Anna tightened her jaw, "How dare you?"

"How dare I?" Green spluttered his laugh, "I was going to marry you because you got yourself into this mess by letting a man into your bed."

"There was no consent on my part in that, Mr. Green." Anna bit back at him, her hand shaking in its hold on the fur around her. "I'm not sure you know the difference but there is one and he wasn't anyone I'd invite out on a walk with me, much more into my bedroom."

"But he got there anyway, didn't he?" Green stalked toward her but Anna maintained the distance, keeping a circular motion in her steps. "Just like Mr. Bates did."

"You're making accusations you've not got the proof to sustain." Anna held his gaze. "But I've no doubt you were hoping you'd make this a grand rescue so I would fall gratefully into your arms."

"It wouldn't have hurt for you to have a touch of gratitude."

"For what? Trying to bankrupt me? Falsifying claims in my name? Lying to my family? Hiring men to steal from Mr. Bates? Or when the others beat Mr. Moseley before they kidnapped me?"

Green frowned, "Who's Mr. Moseley?"

Anna could only drop her jaw in disbelief, "You don't even know the people you hurt by your selfish and disgusting actions?"

"They're all means to an end, Ms. Smith, and if you'd ever had to work for a thing in your privileged life you'd understand that."

"Did you do this because you're jealous or because you're desperate, Mr. Green, because I'm struggling to decide which is a worse motive."

"It doesn't matter which, Ms. Smith," Green snarled as he backed her toward the bed. "Because by this time tomorrow we'll be using that bed to seal our wedding vows and, whole or not, you're going to Mrs. Green."

"I'd rather choke on my own tongue."

"You may get the chance." Green reached around her to strip a few of the furs from the bed and lay them near the fire. "Get a night's rest, Ms. Smith, because tomorrow you've got big things ahead of you."

Anna watched Green bed himself down by the fire but she stayed awake as long as she could. Eventually the pounding in her head, combine with the overwhelming experience and residual exhaustion, forced her to close her eyes. But her dreams were no more restful and she blinked herself awake more times than she actually slept.

Green finally woke when dawn blazed through the cracks in the window covers. He pushed himself from the floor and gathered the furs to drop them on the bed. It roused Anna from her doze and he only leered at her. "Need to make this comfortable for later."

She scowled at him and followed him to the door with her eyes. By the noises outside she gathered that Green was dragging the frozen bodies he left dead on the doorstep the night before somewhere into the brush, and Anna forced herself to think. But knowing the distance as she did, knowing this cabin as intimately as she did, there was not much for her to do. Her fingers brushed over the chess set but it only gave her a moment of comfort before the door opened again.

Bringing her hand back to her chest, Anna faced Green. He smiled and then stepped back to allow another man into the cabin. Anna frowned at the sight of him and then paled when he bowed his head, removing his hat, and she could make out the collar around his neck.

"Father, I'm not sure-"

"M fiancé's a little nervous." Green cut in, crossing the distance quickly and snatching Anna's hand in a punishing grip. "She's been waiting for this day her whole life and now that it's here she's… she could use a little encouragement."

"My dear," The priest held his Bible in steady hands, "Marriage is a sacred covenant between the two of you and God. It's not to be entered into lightly but you need not fear it either. It won't be easy and I know that there will be times you'll wish you could abandon it all but with this man at your side there's nothing to fear."

Anna gaped at the priest and then Green before turning back to the priest. "I think you're greatly as to the details of this man's character, Father."

"He's told me all about you and how much he loves when he's come for confessions the last three days." The priest nodded at Green, "His heart's pure and clean and ready for this."

"Well I'm not." Anna tried to move forward but Green's tight claw on her hand stopped her. "I'm… I'm not clean and I need…"

"The sacrament of marriage will cleanse your soul." The priest opened the Bible and stepped closer to them. "It is in sacred solemnity that we three gather together before God this day to witness and bind together, in holy matrimony, these two. That we recognize, before God, His angels, and we His witnesses, that we're-"

"I'm sorry," Anna cut in, "Where are our witnesses? Shouldn't there be two witnesses here to make this official?"

"I thought…" The priest frowned, "Mr. Green here told me he wanted a private ceremony first and then an official one to make you more comfortable. Said you'd be nervous with more people."

"I really think-"

"The nerves," Green covered, digging his nails into her hand and using his other to twist her wrist in such a way the priest would only see it as an encouraging gesture. "She's just all aflutter, Father Travis. I promise, she'll be fine."

"Then I'll continue." He cleared his throat, "That we're here to bind these two as one as long as they both shall live. In that light, do you, Alex Green, take Anna Smith as your lawfully wedded wife? To love and to comfort, to honor and obey, to cherish and to adore for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, in good as in ill, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." Green smiled at Father Travis and shot daggers at Anna as Father Travis pivoted enough to address Anna.

"And do you, Anna Smith, take Alex Green as your lawfully wedded husband? To love-"

"No," Anna cut in and Father Travis blinked at her. "I don't take him. I don't want him or anything to do with him and I don't want you to have to finish that speech just to say it at the end. I don't take him. I won't take him. And I'd like to ask if you could take me back to town."

"I-"

"Just marry us." Green insisted, trying to stop Anna moving out of his grip but when he flung out one hand to grab for Father Travis's lapel he had to release Anna and he could not hold them both. "Marry us Father."

"I'm afraid I can't." Father Travis worked himself free, Anna moving toward him. "If she won't say the words then I can't force her to take the binding before God."

"They're just words, Father."

"No," Father Travis shook his head. "They're part of a serious covenant before God and it's not to be taken lightly."

"There's nothing light about what you're going to do."

"No without her consent. It's not right before God."

"It's a wedding and you'll say the words." Green drew a gun and Anna's breath caught in her throat but the gun pointed at Father Travis. "I don't care what God's got to do with it. I just need the wedding to be legal. It's very simple."

"And I'm not so easily intimidated that I would break the sacred trust given me in the fulfilling of my-"

The veritable explosion near Anna's ear made her jump and something splattered her. She shook, holding her hand near her ear as a ringing echoed through her head to match the residual thump of pain from the night before, and then she noticed the flecks of blood on her hand. With a shaking shift she saw Father Travis on the floor and screamed as she tried to get away from it.

Green's hands grabbed her and she fought him but his fist cuffed at her ear. Once, twice, three times until her sense of balance faltered and she tripped into a wall. Her vision blurred as her head knocked on the mantle of the fireplace, exasperating her other injuries, and she hit the floor on her hands and knees.

A grip at her waist hauled her up and the primal instinct of flight and flight kicked in. Anna lashed out, kicking and fighting the hold on her, but her body could not handle the layers of pain. Her body hit the bed and then her nose clogged with the fur. She choked and tried to raise her head to breathe but a pressure on her back kept her almost suffocating in the furs.

Dimly, over the thrum of nerves firing to try and resolve the shock or the pain or the agonizing terror threatening to drown her, she felt something else. That something rang like a hollow memory and it was enough to send Anna's mind into overdrive. She tried to move, the panic rushing adrenaline through her system but another hit and her body could not take it any longer.

With a haze in her vision the sensation of moving had her limp body rocking until there was nothing. Only the dull pain through her whole body sparking with flashes and stabs of more focused pain. A vague impression of tearing had part of her mind trying to wake the rest of her body and spur her to action but she had no fight left in her. All she could manage where the tears as blackness edged her vision and her lungs fought for breath.

A moment later, or perhaps it was an eternity, she could breathe. Her lungs filled to their maximum capacity until she choked on air, if that were possible. With shaking fingers she clung to the furs and tried to move. It took longer than she wanted, longer than it should have, but she eventually managed to get herself to the floor.

Dragging one of the furs over herself, Anna huddled on the floor and tried to get her mind around it all. She could not be sure if she fainted, the lights in the cabin only changed slightly by the dying embers of the fire licking a little less enthusiastically than before, but when Anna opened her eyes her entire body screamed in agony. All she wanted was to surrender and stay there on the floor.

But the sound of snoring spurred her to move. Anna lifted herself to her feet and collapsed back to her knees. She crawled over the floor, removing her damaged and torn clothing to toss into the fire. The sight of the blood there made her shiver but she pushed past it, focusing on the survival. It was all she had to keep her focused and keep her going. She wanted to survive.

A look over her shoulder showed her Green, sprawled on the bed with his trousers still trapped around his knees. Anna shuddered and grabbed at the mantle, hauling herself to her feet. Her fingers knocked the chess set to the floor and she barely managed to grab it before it hit the floor, she tipping onto her backside as she landed heavily.

A snort from the bed worried her but it dissolved back into snores and Anna set the set on the floor. It opened and her hand wrapped around one of the pieces by instinct as she stood. Glancing down Anna recognized the Queen, with the curved crown sticking from the top of the figure.

Gripping it tightly in her hand, Anna worked over the floor, leaning on the wall for support, to the body of the priest. As she forced herself not to look at what was left of his face, Anna undid his belt and forced the trousers down his legs. They were close enough to her size she could force her legs through them, under her skirt, and then took his boots.

The clack of the heels on the floor led to another snort but Anna focused on moving as quietly as possible. Her fingers slid over the wood, the tremble and quiver in her whole body making her appear as though she were vibrating, but Anna managed to get herself through the door. It closed with a soft click and Anna pulled the fur more tightly around her as the wind slapped her in the face.

Cold echoed into her very bones but Anna pressed forward. The borrowed boots hung a little loosely on her feet, making her trek through the snow toward the small stables difficult. But she arrived and found one of the horses.

With fingers cold to the bone, Anna saddled and prepared the horse. As she led it toward the path a shot fired past her. The horse reared up, screaming in agony as blood bloomed from it and its massive body hit the earth to shower Anna in snow.

Anna turned to see Green, spinning his gun back, and shaking his head at her. "I thought I made our position clear, Anna."

Her hand tightened around the chess piece as she backed up, almost tripping herself in the horse's still twitching legs. "I'm not staying here with a mad man."

"Mad?" He shook his head, putting his gun in the holster at his back. "Is it mad to want something you can't have?"

"It's mad to try and marry a woman against her will. Or to kill a priest. Or…" Anna stopped, the cold strangling her lungs and the leaving her shivering to her very bones. "I'd rather die than stay here with you."

"That's not an option." Green stepped through the snow toward her. "Not until we're married. Then you'll die. It'll be quick."

Anna gripped the piece so tightly it cut into her hand, indentations threatening permanence on her skin. "You're worse than mad aren't you?"

"I'm determined." Green took another step toward her, putting him within reach of her. "And you're going to do what I say until I release you."

As his fingers gripped at the fur around her, Anna lashed out. The sharp crown of the Queen slashed at Green's face and Anna felt it bury in his skin, raking downward and breaking off with the force of the blow. She let go as he stumbled back, tripping over the dead horse, and clutched at his face. The spurt of red blood there had Anna holding tightly to her fur and then running.

It did not matter that the snow was almost as deep as her knees. It did not matter that each step threatened to tear the borrowed boots from her feet. It did not matter the tree branches slapped at her, scratched her face, or collapsed heaps of snow over her as she ran. It did not matter that her fingers froze in their hold on the fur or that she could no longer feel the features on her face.

It only mattered that she was far away from him. That she was running away from him. That she would be free of him.

And so Anna ran.


	15. She Ran Further

The breath in her throat burned and cut, stabbing at her lungs, so when Anna coughed little flecks of blood escaped to splatter over the snow. Her feet pushed through the lightening drifts as she stumbled forward, pushing herself with aching arms away from trees and trying to force her tripping feet forward. Screams from her muscles and the thunder of pain throughout her weakening body threatened to stop her but Anna could only focus on the thought of descent.

Her feet slipped on a spread of ice and she skidded down the rise. Trying to steer required Anna to put out her arms but they went over her head. Large objects, she could identify as trees through the gap, changed her direction as they knocked her about and bruised her already battered body. Each one only made her mind whirl and edge closer to succumbing to the torment. Every thunk that sent lighting shooting through her nerves made her want to give up.

When she slid to a stop, half tumbling over a snowdrift, Anna just lay there. Her body slumped sideways and she hit the ground. But it was not cold like everything had been. With questing fingers, Anna felt out and recognized the texture of grass in the darkness.

Puling herself forward with herculean effort, Anna snatched at fistfuls of the grass. The fur fell away and her aching fingers still echoed with chill on the frosted ground. But each pull brought her from the snow and Anna finally collapsed when her body rested on the snow-free ground.

Then she closed her eyes and surrendered with the grass acting as her pillow.

* * *

When Anna finally opened her eyes soft light haloed her. She frowned and tired to clear her hazy vision but all she could see was white about her. White that made her heart sink with the knowledge she was still trapped on the mountain.

But, she noticed as her fingers flexed with warmth and dexterity, snow no longer shrouded her. The support under her held a degree of cushion while the weight atop her kept her nicely toasted. Anna shifted and the weight moved with her, flowing like blankets as realization dawned.

Anna tried to sit up and a shriek from her bedside almost deafened her after the quiet. A hand dived under the covers to grab her hand and Anna's vision cleared enough for her to make out the details of Gwen's face. With shaking fingers, Anna leaned forward to feel the image before her and confirm it was real.

"Milady," Gwen buried her head in the covers near Anna. "I was so worried you were lost to us forever. When they brought Mr. Moseley back so broken I thought the worst. I couldn't-"

"Where's…" Anna croaked, her voice scratching her throat and triggering a racking cough that left a few specks of blood on the white sheets.

Gwen hurried to bring her water, controlling the glass to keep the sips at appropriately small sizes. "Try not to talk milady. The Doctor says you've got trauma to your trachea… but I've no idea what that really means. He says the cold tore at your lungs and so you've got little cuts in there that'll bleed if we don't give them time to heal."

Anna nodded and then pointed to the pad beside the bed. Gwen handed it over and, with a scrawl like a child's due to the shaking in her fingers, Anna wrote out her message. Turning it to Gwen so she could read it, Anna slumped back against the massive mountain of pillows.

"Mr. Moseley's healing well. He took quite the beating but his leg'll heal up well. They had to amputate his left arm but he's getting on well and once his wrist heals they'll start fitting him for a prosthetic."

At the wide-eyed look Anna gave Gwen, the pad passed back quickly and Anna wrote so furiously the child's scrawl became a straight line with slight loops. Gwen frowned at it but as her lips moved she nodded. "It's alright. Mr. Moseley thinks it'll al be an adventure and hi nurse…" Gwen coughed and covered her mouth, "She's a right creature and he's infatuated. I get the feeling he might even pretend not to pick up on it all as quickly as he can to keep her around."

Anna wrote another message and Gwen's eyes flew over the paper. "Her name's Phyllis Baxter. She's actually been seeing to you between the Doctor's visits."

Another message passed between them and Gwen's expression sobered. "Mr. Bates found you at the bottom of the mountain. That was a week ago. You were unconscious for most of it and near dead. They thought they'd have to remove some of your fingers because of frostbite but you recovered well."

Sinking back into the pillows Anna gestured and Gwen helped her sit up, giving her the support she needed to keep her weak body upright. They stared at one another a moment and Anna gripped Gwen's hand. Gwen's over hand covered hers and Anna could barely make out the tears in Gwen's eyes because her own eyes blurred.

"The Doctor said… he said you were…" Anna nodded and Gwen let her tears fall. "I'm so sorry milady. We came all this way and it happened again. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help or-"

Anna put a hand to Gwen's face, shaking her head. Gwen whimpered and continued to cry. "They searched all over town for you and Mr. Bates sent a telegram to Charles. He arrived back almost the moment his train could leave New York so he's here now. And your parents are coming too."

Anna shook her head so violently her weak and healing muscles complained. She scrunched her eyes closed past the pain and leaned against the pillows, seeking their soothing comfort. Gwen passed her the pad and Anna managed her best penmanship yet.

"Mr. Bates insisted. He thought it would speed your recovery and he wants to make sure you're protected on your way back to New York." It only took a moment for the next message. "He can't go with you. He's trying to find the men who kidnapped you and the leader behind the men who tried to steal his cattle."

The pen moved as slowly as it ever had. Gwen read the message and her hands shook this time. "What?"

Anna nodded but before Gwen could say another word a knock sounded from the door. Gwen placed the pad within reach of Anna's hand and stood. She stopped, pointing to the door and Anna nodded for Gwen to answer it.

Mrs. Hughes entered the room, bearing a tray, and accompanied by a thin, almost gaunt, woman. The woman walked around the bed to set a bag on the bedside table as Mrs. Hughes took the place Gwen recently vacated to arrange the tray. The eyes of the women met over Anna before they turned to her.

"Ms. Smith I'd like to introduce your nurse, and the house nurse at the moment, Ms. Phyllis Baxter."

"Ms. Baxter is fine," Ms. Baxter raised a hand when Anna opened her mouth, "When you can speak. For now we'll just use that."

Anna wrote something and showed it to Ms. Baxter. Ms. Baxter almost blushed. "It's kind of you to say but this is my job. It brings me job to know you're on the mend and, since he insisted I tell you, Mr. Moseley's very glad you're alright."

Anna tried to write something else but Mrs. Hughes's hand covered hers. "There's no point in placing blame of holding guilt on yourself. Mr. Moseley feels his own guilt for not protecting you so we'll all just be grateful Mr. Bates found you and that you're both making steady recoveries."

Mrs. Hughes stopped Anna's hand when she went to write something else. "They'll be time for more questions later. For now, let's try to get you even more on the mend shall we?"

Anna lay back and allowed Mrs. Hughes to help Ms. Baxter administer the proper medicines, check over her fingers and toes and other extremities for any lasting effects of frostbite, and then to feel around Anna's throat. Ms. Baxter stepped back from the bed and addressed Gwen and Mrs. Hughes.

"I'm afraid the next part of this exam might challenge a bit of Ms. Smith's privacy and so I'll have to ask you both to leave."

Gwen wrung her hands with her nervous look toward Anna but Anna nodded her away. Mrs. Hughes placed a comforting arm on the other woman's shoulders and helped her out of the room as Ms. Baxter drew back the blankets on the bed to expose Anna's body. Her gentle hands on Anna's skin still had her jerking a bit but Ms. Baxter only placed a hand on her shoulder.

"It'll be alright Ms. Smith. I promise that all you have to do is touch me and I'll not take another action until you feel safe. Is that alright?"

Anna bit her lip and then nodded. Ms. Baxter held one of Anna's feet in her hands and checked the rotation of the leg before bending it back toward Anna's body. With her head, Ms. Baxter nodded toward the door and repeated her earlier action on Anna's other leg. "Your Ms. Dawson is very loyal to you. From the moment they brought you in here she's not left your side except for quick runs to the lav."

The sheets made Anna fumble a bit for the pad and pen but she managed a short message to Ms. Baxter. Ms. Baxter smiled, "Mr. Harding's paid her a few calls but he's been busy with Mr. Bates's business."

Another message took the last little corner of the page. "The business of catching whomever was behind all of this. He wants to bring them to justice so they don't do this to anyone else."

Anna tapped an earlier message and then circled it before tearing the sheet to give to Ms. Baxter. She studied it and then nodded. "I'll get this to Mr. Bates or Mr. Harding as soon as we're finished here."

Her hands went to the edge of Anna's nightgown and stopped. "I'm afraid I'll have to expose you. I've got to make sure the bleeding's stopped."

Anna clenched her teeth to stop more tears but then rolled silently down her face as Ms. Baxter rolled Anna's nightdress to her waist and positioned herself on the bed to check. Her fingers, covered in a material now, were still cold and Anna flinched away as they tended the swollen and delicate area. Ms. Baxter stopped again, looking up at Anna and not moving until a firm nod of Anna's head signaled her to do so.

The exam did not last long and when Ms. Baxter restored her dignity Anna scrawled a new message on the pad. Ms. Baxter read it, the writing as clear as any thus far, and then took a deep breath. "Ms. Dawson, out of concern for your condition when they brought you here, informed me of your earlier injuries. Those have… they haven't reopened but new ones are there now. I'm checking that your attacker wasn't infected in any way and watching for the appropriate signs so I know which treatments you may need."

Anna slipped on the bed, reading the paleness of her face in the speed of Ms. Baxter's hands coming to help support her. "It's alright. I've not found any evidence of you being ill with anything and I take that as a good sign."

Ms. Baxter followed Anna's shaking hand as it pointed toward the paper she had ripped and tapped at the circled name. With a frown Ms. Baxter read it and then held it up. "He did it?"

Anna nodded and Ms. Baxter pulled the blankets back to Anna's waist. "Then I can tell that to Mr. Bates as well. He's been very anxious to know your condition."

But the wave of Anna's hands held her back. "I'm sorry, I don't understand."

The sound of pen scratching paper was so violent it ripped in a few places before Anna could throw it into Ms. Baxter's hands. She barely caught it and then read the note with a furrowed brow. As she shook her head Anna put a hand to her mouth.

"He's the one who found you, Ms. Smith, and he's the one who suspected what happened. He already knows since the Doctor told him when he examined you. Ms. Dawson was in the room as well. It is Mr. Bates's room, after all." Ms. Baxter waved her arms and Anna finally realized the room was not the one she called her own for those lovely weeks she stayed in John's company.

This one was slightly larger, with a print on the wall Anna recognized as the one she left finished in his private studio. Windows on three sides of the room gave its location as the last room on the men's side of the stairs, and the distinct lack of ornamentation betrayed John's style. Anna sobbed against her hand but stopped as the action grated against her torn throat.

"Ms. Smith," Ms. Baxter tried to put a hand on Anna's but she pulled away. "I'll get Ms. Dawson and Mrs. Hughes."

The nurse left, Anna stifling sobs her body could not manage to emit, and only turned when Mrs. Hughes and Gwen entered. Through her tears she noted their hasty discussion and then the close of the door that left only Gwen. She came back to her chair, taking the tray and setting it on Anna's knees to remove the cover from the soup dish.

"You need to eat something milady. Otherwise you'll be all skin and bones when your family comes and we want them to believe you've been well treated in this house."

Anna removed the torn sheet and wrote a note to Gwen before taking the offered spoon. Gwen shrugged, taking the pad from Anna. "I don't want them getting any impressions about Mr. Bates that we know aren't true. Parents always fear the worst."

"Charles?" Anna managed, closing her eyes to feel the soup soothing her throat a bit.

"He's here, in the house. He's managing the end of your affairs as they stand and coordinating the your family and Mr. Harding. He'll come up and see you in the morning, when you've rested."

Anna tried to snort but her chest could not handle the motion. Gwen did it for her. "I know. You think that there's been nothing but rest for you but, in my inexperienced opinion, you're still healing. Ms. Baxter wants you in bed for at least another month and the Doctor agrees."

There was no argument from Anna. She ate most of the soup and sipped on a small cup of tea before going back to the water Gwen insisted her use. When she handed it back Anna darted her eyes toward the screen and Gwen took the tray off her lap and helped her over toward the small lavatory in the room.

"If you're wondering, because I think your eyes say you are, milady," Gwen said to her from the other side, waiting patiently. "They gave you a bedpan for the blood and other things. You don't have to worry about mess."

Anna sighed in relief and finished quickly, her strength almost failing her. Gwen aided her back to the bed, pulling the covers back enough for Anna to slide herself between them. And despite the rest Anna's body built up in the week she was unconscious in the room, she noted the exhaustion of her limbs that forced her eyelids to bear the weight and fall heavy.

"It's alright milady." Gwen managed the tray. "You rest and I'll be back."

Anna took deep breaths, settling against the pillows, and allowed her eyes to close. In the back of her mind she heard the door open again and two voices. She tried to reach for them but the drag of sleep was too strong. All she could do was listen.

"So she woke up?"

"Yes sir and ate. Ms. Baxter's seen to her and while her condition's still… delicate, I think was the word she used, she's healing nicely. There's not anymore bleeding and while her throat's a bit raw for speech she's not going to be like that forever."

"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes." There was a sigh and Anna recognized the touch of John's fingers on her skin. The most comforting touch she could recognize. "I'm just… Just glad I found her."

"However did you do it sir? There was a whole mountain to search."

"I didn't have to search the mountain since she'd gotten down it." The bed depressed and Anna's hand slipped into the warm grip of John's. "I found her at the base of the mountain."

"She couldn't have run all that way herself. It's easily five miles."

"Six," John corrected and Anna hoped her mouth twitched toward a smile as his finger caressed her hair. "However far you think she could've made it, this woman's got the spirit to go further."

"And did Ms. Baxter and Ms. Dawson tell you what she said? Or wrote, rather?"

"Yes." The hold on her hand tightened but it was more a reaction to keep her close. "I found the cabin and the four dead men there."

"Four?"

"Three Mr. Moseley identified as the men who beat him and the local Catholic priest."

"I didn't think Mr. Green was Catholic."

"He's not. He's just been building an image for that reason." John sighed, "Don't tell Ms. Baxter I allowed Mr. Moseley to ride with me in his condition."

"I suspect he did it to stay infirm a bit longer."

"We all need our little quirks to keep us near those we'd like to know better, Mrs. Hughes." John's weight left the bed, "But Green wasn't there and there's no telling where he's gone."

"What about the men you caught? Couldn't they say?"

"They were hired by the three men we found dead. There's nothing tying Green to any of this but her word."

"You believe her, though, don't you sir?"

"Of course I do but what's that to the proof the lawmen'll require?" John sighed, "Our only hope is to help her get well and then send her home. She doesn't deserve this and we've not got the resources she needs."

"I do hope you're not taking the blame for this upon yourself?"

"I should've gone with her instead of riding like a younger man to get a few cattle rustlers. That's work or William or Alfred. I was responsible for her."

"So was her cousin and so was Mr. Moseley. Would you rather have come back like them?"

"Mr. Blake's just fine."

"Mr. Blake's been receiving his own set of telegrams that make me think his family's not so happy with how he failed to handle this." Mrs. Hughes snorted, "As I told Ms. Smith earlier, sir, I think we've all got enough guilt to bear without ladling on more."

"As simple as that is it? Just deny myself the guilt?"

"It's not yours to bear. How ever you to know the depths of depravity to which that man would sink to gain her?"

"I should've seen it."

"But none of us did and well we can do now, sir, is move forward. Now," The rustle of her skirts had Anna seeing her brush at the material. "We'd best let her sleep and then you can see her in the morning. Perhaps you'll both be better rested then."

"I doubt I'll sleep well ever again."

"Then more fool you sir."

The door opened and closed as Anna sensed the tickle of fingers just barely running over her hand. "I'm so sorry I failed you Anna. You deserved better and I… I wasn't that for you."

He left and all Anna could do was scream in the darkness of her mind, from the hold of sleep, that they failed one another.


	16. Long, Hard Road

Anna woke the next morning as light flickered over her face, and the rustle of her blankets roused Gwen from a camp bed at the end of hers. Gwen met her eyes and shrugged, "I know we don't live in those days anymore but I'm not having them take Mr. Bates's offer to haul a full sized bed in here. That's just mad."

She came over to Anna and helped her up. "If the Doctor gives you a clean bill of health when he comes by tomorrow then we'll start walking you to the library or the study. Although," Gwen situated Anna on the bed, with Anna moving as much as she was able, "You can't argue with the beauty or the light in this room."

Anna reached for her pad and showed the comment to Gwen. "I'm sure I could dig out a few books from the library so you're not bored out of your mind here milady."

Gwen paused when she heard another scratch of the pad and adjusted to read the message there. She bit at her lip and then shrugged, "If you'd like. I don't know if he's still in the house but-"

Another steady but swift scribble stopped Gwen's comment and she nodded. "Right. I'll ask Mrs. Hughes and get him up here. Do you…" She scrunched her face, "Do you want me to help you wash and dress first? Feel a bit more yourself maybe?"

Anna nodded and pulled the covers off her body. Her steps were measured, slow, and required much of her weight leaning on Gwen's shoulder but they managed to get her to a bath. The water soothed her aching muscles and with Gwen's help Anna finally felt clean. Both of them worried a moment when they saw blood in the water but before they could say anything Ms. Baxter entered the room.

"Ms. Baxter-" Gwen tried to say but Ms. Baxter held up a hand.

"It's alright. It's just some of her injuries scabbing." Ms. Baxter helped Gwen to lift Anna from the bath and dry her. "Give me a moment?"

Gwen stepped to the side, finding clothes for Anna, as Ms. Baxter bent down to examine Anna. When she stood up, she was smiling. "I think I can say, Ms. Smith, with certainty that you do not carry any diseases."

Anna nodded, holding on to Ms. Baxter's arm as Gwen returned. They worked Anna into her clothes and then Gwen helped her back to bed. She sat there, breathing hard, as Ms. Baxter finished her examination with a look down Anna's throat before feeling over her neck.

"I think, though we should wait for the Doctor's final words tomorrow, but I think you could manage a whisper by tomorrow. Your throat'll be sore for a few days but you'll be able to speak and you'll get better."

Anna nodded and then pointed toward her pad. Gwen brought it over and Anna wrote something down on it. Ms. Baxter frowned and held it up to Gwen.

"I don't understand what this means."

Gwen read it quickly and then gathered her breath. "Your cousin, Mr. Charles, would like to come and see you about it milady. Your family's coming but from what I gathered from Mr. Charles your Uncle Harold is coming here himself. Your parents and your grandmother are staying in New York but he wanted to discuss that with you when you were ready."

Anna held out a hand to Gwen and nodded at her. Gwen took her hand and helped her stand as Ms. Baxter took her other arm. They aided her out of the room but when they reached the stairs they stopped. Charles stood there with John and both turned to look up. In a flash Charles and John had taken Gwen and Ms. Baxter's positions, aiding Anna toward the landing.

"We could've come up to you Anna." Charles chided, helping her down and taking the pad and pen from Gwen. "There's no rush for your healing."

They aided Anna into the sitting room. Her hand tightened on John's arm as he helped her into the chair. Their eyes met and she tugged him closer. It was only a moment but their foreheads touched and Anna closed her eyes to lose herself in his closeness.

He stepped back as Charles moved and Anna released her hold on his arm. Charles put the pad and pen in her hand before taking the chair closest to her. "What was so important that you skipped breakfast and made yourself walk all the way down those stairs?"

Anna held up the pad to show Charles and he hung his head. "Yes, your father was very difficult to convince not to come."

He read the next message Anna wrote him. "I did convince he and your mother to stay in New York. There's nothing they could've done here and since I already met Mr. Bates it's easier for me. They're waiting for word and I'll let them know how you are tomorrow when I go back into town."

Anna's hand fluttered a bit in her next message but Charles bit the inside of his cheek before shooting a look at John. When John went to leave Anna grabbed out for his arm. He turned to her and she held his gaze. John took the other seat and looked at Charles.

"Whatever you're going to tell her you can tell me."

Charles swallowed and then spoke, "Your parents only know that someone abducted you. They know you're back safely but I didn't tell them the details of what happened because I didn't know them myself until this morning. I haven't told them. I thought…"

Anna sat straighter in her chair and only shifted when John's fingers intertwined with hers for a moment. He faced Charles, "Do they have to know?"

"That's not my decision." Charles nodded at Anna. "If you don't want them to know then I'm as silent as the grave."

Charles looked down at the pad when Anna finished her next message. "Then I won't say a word."

John leaned over to examine the message. "They don't deserve to know." Anna squeezed John's hand and he focused on her. "But they don't, Anna. They sent you to America to avoid embarrassment the last time and who knows what they'd do this time. You deserve better than this."

Anna sighed and wrote something to Charles. He nodded and stood up, "I'm going to go and look for some breakfast for myself. Leave you two to discuss… whatever you need to discuss."

When the door closed Anna turned to John, swallowing. Her voice was hoarse and when John raised a hand to her lips she caught his fingers. With a shake of her head, and speaking in a low whisper, she spoke.

"I heard what you said last night."

John's face fell, "I thought you were asleep."

"I was dozing and couldn't… couldn't respond." Anna swallowed, closing her eyes to speak past the pain in her throat. "And I know why you feel the way you do."

John's fingers held hers and he shook his head, "I should've gone with your, Anna. I shouldn't have left you with just Moseley. I should've-"

"You weren't to know." Anna put her hand to his face. "I didn't know. I didn't think-"

Her throat constricted and Anna could not continue her comments. John put his hands to her face and held her to him. They sat like that for a moment before Anna pulled back. With a forced swallow she managed to speak again.

"It's my fault."

John stared at her, "What?"

"I… I didn't…"

John stopped her, "It's not your fault."

"But," Anna blinked at her tears but she could not disperse them and they ran down her cheeks to match the tears rolling down his. "I should've-"

"I was supposed to protect you."

"And I was supposed to…" She swallowed again, "Protect myself."

"You did." John reached into his pocket and removed the broken chess piece. "I'll assume the blood on this isn't yours."

Anna shook her head, "His."

"Then we're looking for an injured man on that mountain."

"Near our cabin." Anna's whisper was even lower than before and John's fingers tightened around hers.

"Anna… Anna I don't… I don't know what to say."

Anna could no longer speak so she reached a shaking hand to the pad by her side to write. When she finished she held it up to him. John let out a breath.

"I know."

She coughed, "But you don't."

"Anna…" John wiped at his eyes. "I don't want you to be in pain any longer because of me."

"You could never bring me pain."

"But I already have. I…"

Anna put her hand to his mouth, shaking her head. They sat in silence another moment before she risked speaking again. "We're both in pain."

Neither of them moved until someone knocked on the door. Anna let go of John's hand, writing him a final note. He stared at it and nodded, "Of course."

He left the room to allow Gwen and Mrs. Hughes inside. They nodded at him and hurried over to Anna. She lifted a hand and they raised her from her seat.

"Breakfast, Ms. Smith, and that's on the doctor's orders."

Anna leaned on Gwen, following Mrs. Hughes from the room.

* * *

"Ms. Smith I concur with Ms. Baxter's assessments of your condition and I don't find any reason to suggest you'll suffer any ill effects of this." He stopped himself, "Not any that are immediately prevalent or will affect your health in any long term capacity."

Anna blinked and worked her voice to speak. "What does that mean?"

The Doctor squirmed a moment, "There's… there's a possibility that your more internal injuries are enough to cause issues with… with the childbearing process."

Anna could only blink at him. "I beg your pardon?"

"I… I don't know because this is not my area of expertise but I've reason to believe you've sustained significant damage to your body. I'd suggest you consult a specialist for more details but I think that might be the only lasting effect on your body."

She held the bed, clutching the sheets in her hands as she nodded. "Thank you."

"I'd suggest adding a bit more honey to your tea to help soothe your throat and you'll find yourself a little less hoarse by tomorrow."

Anna shook his hand and then watched him leave. The door remained open and Charles knocked his knuckles against the door. She waved him in and he clapped his hands together.

"I don't think there's much I can say." Charles pointed behind him. "I wasn't expecting to eavesdrop on your conversation but I managed to and I'm sorry."

Anna shook her head, "I'm not sure it's such a bad thing to have someone know." She coughed and reached for her tea. "There's much to be said for sharing our pain with other people."

"Anna," Charles sat on the edge of the bed, "I know I've no idea what you're feeling or what you've endured. I'll never be able to understand what you've endured but I do know that if you need anything I'm here for you. Whatever I can do, I want to do for you."

"Thank you Charles." She finished her tea and set it to the side. "For the moment all I need is your opinion on something."

"What?"

"What do I tell my parents?" Anna's voice caught and Charles had the respect to keep his head down. "How do I tell them what happened?"

"You don't Anna. They don't need to know." Charles took her hand. "We don't tell them anything. No one else was there. This isn't like last time."

"Last time?" Anna snorted, "I'm only lucky I almost died."

"That's not what I meant Anna." Charles took back his hand when she recoiled from his hold in her frustration. "What I meant is this time it won't be a public event. This time you won't have to scuttle through ballrooms or avoid making eye contact. This time you're not facing the judgment of the community."

"That is not better." Anna shook her head, "I'm… I'm…"

"Mr. Blake?" John knocked on the door and Charles turned in his chair as Anna looked up to see John there. "Might I have a word with Ms. Smith?"

"Yes." Charles stood, "I was waiting until the Doctor was done so I could inform her parents of her clean bill of health and now that she has one I'm off to town with Mr. Harding to send the telegram."

Charles looked down at Anna, "Anything you'd like me to tell them?"

Anna shook her head and Charles pivoted on his heel, nodding at John. John stepped out of his way for Charles to leave the room before closing the door almost all the way. He took Charles's chair and tried to speak. When he could not find words he coughed, swallowed, and then began again.

"I've thought a lot about what you said yesterday and I don't agree." Anna frowned and John continued before she could open her mouth to argue. "I don't know what you've suffered and I may never truly know because I will never fully understand it. What I do know is that I will never think less of you."

Anna stared at him and managed to speak, "What?"

"I know what you've told me about what happened the first time a man thought he deserved you. I know everyone thought you were damaged or worthless because of what happened. But you don't mean anything less to me."

"How could you say that?" Anna gestured to herself, "I've been destroyed by all this."

"But not to me." John placed his hand carefully over hers. "Whatever you may think about yourself, I know there's more to you than what happened."

"That's where you're wrong, John." Anna argued, her raspy voice forcing her to whisper. "I know this isn't like the last time it happened because my secret's not out in the open. At least not yet. But the people who matter to me know and my shame's got nowhere to hide."

"Why are you talking about shame?" John shook his head, "There's no shame here but his and when he's found it'll show like the scar you left on his face."

"But I am shamed." Anna took her hand back, tears falling with increasing frequency. She wiped angrily at them. "I'm spoiled not once but twice."

"You weren't spoiled the first time and you're no more spoiled now." John quieted her arguments with his even voice and it stopped her as if he had shouted. "It didn't matter to me then. Why would it have mattered now?"

"I thought…" Anna swallowed, her throat closing as the harsh rasp grated on her sore muscles.

"No," John shook his head. "There's nothing that could spoil you to me. Nothing that could make you less than perfect in my eyes. And no one who could make you anything less than holier and higher to me. Not despite the suffering you've endures but because of it."

"Truly?" Anna managed with her final whispers.

John leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Truly."

Anna raised her hands and held onto his shirt, resting her head on his chest to let her tears flow freely. His arms wrapped tentatively about her and Anna folded into his hold. After a moment he adjusted position to join her on the bed and they just held one another.

"We can get through this Anna." He whispered against her hair. "We can get through this together. If you'll let me get through it with you."

"Please," She whispered against the fabric of his shirt.

"I promise I'll be here for you Anna. I'm here for every step on this road. Every moment. For anything you need from me."

"Just…" Her last words where almost lost with her voice. "Hold me."

"Forever."


	17. An Indecent but Desired Proposal

Anna reached the bottom of the stairs and held up a hand to Gwen, "I'm alright. I just need to catch my breath."

"There's no hurry milady."

"There is for me." Anna smiled at her, "The longer you're helping me the longer it'll take you to finalize your wedding plans with Mr. Harding."

"He's understanding and dealing with some things for Mr. Bates anyway." Gwen offered her hand to Anna and they walked toward the dining room. "And it's no trouble, milady. It's an honor to work for you."

"I'm sure when I first interviewed you that I didn't ask if you had experience taking care of someone like a nursemaid or an invalid."

"But I can do it now and you can include it on my reference in the future." Gwen released Anna's hand as she lowered safely onto a chair.

"Will you even need to work on the future?" Anna shifted on the chair, "If you're marrying Mr. Harding will you want to work?"

"I don't know. What would I do if I'm not working?" Gwen took the seat next to her but stood almost immediately when the door opened. "Good morning Mr. Bates."

"Good morning Gwen." John nodded at the table, "Would you mind if I asked for some time alone with Ms. Smith?"

"I…" Gwen nodded toward Anna, "It's not my decision, Mr. Bates."

"I think that Gwen and Mr. Harding would have a lovely morning planning their pending nuptials." Anna held her hand out and John helped her stand. "So I wouldn't mind some time alone with you, Mr. Bates."

"Wonderful." John directed his next comment to Gwen. "I do hope John is treating your well. He can be a bit myopic in his focuses so I want to know that you're being cared for."

"He's been nothing but kind and generous with his time and his affections, Mr. Bates." Gwen clasped her hands together, "If I'm not needed milady?"

Anna waved her off, "Go on. I'm alright in Mr. Bates's company."

Gwen nodded at them and left the room. John waited another moment before leading Anna out of the room. "I hope you don't mind if I take the time for this conversation to move to a more private location."

"I think I might prefer that."

John kept their pace slow and they entered his private studio. Helping Anna onto a chaise lounge he took a seat next to her. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better than I was a few days ago." Anna leaned back against the chair. "The Doctor's given me a clean bill of health, Uncle Harold's returning to New York to give my parents the news of my recovery and Charles'll head there as soon as he has word about Green."

"I'm sorry we've not found him yet."

Anna shrugged, "What more could we do?"

"I don't know. And with the snow setting in it's hard to believe that he would have a chance in the mountains but with his face scarred like you said I don't know how he would've managed to get to town without being noticed."

"There's a lot Mr. Green seems to be able to do without being noticed." Anna sighed, "I guess we can only pray he never gets found and that means he won't ever trouble us again."

"We can hope for that." John reached out for her hand, "I was also wondering if you'd given any thought to the conversation we had the other day."

"The one where you told me that you'd love me forever?" Anna nodded, "It's hard to forget when someone helps pull you from the dark."

"I don't know if I'd-"

"John," Anna put her fingers over his mouth, "That is how I'd put it and it's how I am putting it. Like it or not, without you I'd never feel the way I do."

John removed her fingers, "Healthy?"

"Loved." Anna maneuvered from his light grip to trace over his cheek. "You've shown me on more than one occasion that there's so much more to me than what I've experienced and despite what I've endured, you see the person I am instead of the scars I wear."

"We're all more than our scars." John kissed her palm, "Which is why I have a very… indecent proposal for you."

"What?" Anna frowned and John managed a little smile.

"Would you mind if I painted you?'

Anna's eyes went wider, "You want to paint me?"

"If you don't mind."

"I can't say I've ever been asked to sit for a portrait."

John reddened slightly and Anna could almost guess his next comment. "I wasn't…" He coughed, "I didn't mean a portrait."

"Are we going to be practicing a bit of French culture Mr. Bates?" Anna sat up and John could not meet her eyes.

"If you're not comfortable then I'd understand and I don't…" He coughed again going, if it were possible, even redder. "I wouldn't want to presume… And since you're only now recovering I-"

"John," Anna returned her fingers to his lips to stop him. "I think I'd like you to see me. I need…" She took a deep breath of her own, "I need to see myself how you see me."

John gave an audible sigh of relief. "That's what I wanted Anna. I want to paint you as I see you and allow you to see it too. I thought it could… help."

Anna bit the inside of her cheek, "Did Gwen tell you?"

"She might've mentioned to Mr. Harding, when I was in accidental ear shot, that you'd been crying at night on occasion."

"Then you don't-" Anna stopped herself, "I'm sorry, I thought you meant you'd talked to Charles."

"Not since he took your Uncle Harold back to town to check on the state of the search for Mr. Green." John frowned, "Is there something I should know?"

"I don't…" Anna tugged at her fingers, "I don't know."

"Anna, if you don't want to tell me-"

"It's not to do with that." Anna hurried to say, "It's… it's based on me making an assumption that I've no right to make."

"What's the assumption?"

Anna's eyes met his, "That you wanted to marry and have children with me."

John's jaw could have hit the floor and bounced back up to his teeth hard enough to crack them with the level of disbelief he expressed. "Anna, why would you think I wouldn't want to marry you? To have children with you?"

"Our interactions haven't exactly been easy and I know that I bring a reputation-"

"Unearned and unfounded."

"But mine, nonetheless." Anna filled her lungs, "I know life is different out here and only those you trust in this house, the Doctor, and those I trust are aware of what happened to me at that cabin. I also know that there are a list of reasons that could stretch from this studio to your front door as to how my parents would disagree with this match but I don't care about any of them."

"Do you think I do?"

"I'm not the one who would have to face them in another person." Anna went back to tugging her fingers, eyes dropping to the floor. "It's one thing to cry alone in the dark and realize that you're suffering because life is cruel. It's quite another to face the object of your affection and realize that they have to live with not only the burden you carry but the horrible truth they'll not always have a way to help you carry it."

"Do you think I wouldn't want to?"

"I think you deserve to be aware of what you'll be taking on if you do want to." Anna swallowed, her grip on her fingers tightening so much that she was sure she would pull her own fingers clean off. "The Doctor told me he believes the repeated trauma to… He thinks I'll never be able to have children."

John did not say anything immediately and Anna risked a look up to see his face. The range of emotions there reminded her of a painter's palette. Finally he settled on one as he settled his hand over hers.

"Whatever challenges we face, we face them together."

"But children-"

"There are other ways to get children." John's smile toed the line between encouraging and gutted. "If we can't have any of our own then we'll live with that. And if we can… then I'll thank God every day for the miracle."

"But you're-"

"I'd like to seek a second opinion on it all since the good Doctor, skilled though he is, is a general practitioner and therefore might not be aware of everything available to your… condition." John seemed confused as to whether or not he used the right term. "Until them we'll just move slowly."

"Afraid you'll break me?" Anna tried to brush off the suggestion as jest but the flicker of pain in John's eyes told her it was more than that to him.

"I'm afraid of a great many things when it comes to you Anna. But the one I fear the most is that I'll fail you again."

"You didn't fail me." Anna held his face in her hands, "We need to stop blaming ourselves for what happened, John, or we'll never move forward."

"Why don't you blame me?"

"Because I could never blame you." Anna managed a sad smile, "Why don't you blame me?"

"Because you're without fault and therefore the fault is mine."

Anna laughed a little, "Look at the two of us. Seeing such perfection in the other we could only ever find fault with ourselves when the only fault in this lies with him."

"I know that." John cleared hit throat, "It's just… sometimes I think the hard part of it all is knowing the truth but not feeling it."

"I know." Anna moved a hand from his face to intertwine their fingers. "But we'll just have to conquer it together, won't we?"

John kissed her fingers. "Yes we will. And, on that note, I'd like to begin by sketching you. If that's still alright."

"It is." Anna looked about her, "Where do you want me?"

"Just right there." John pulled back, gathering his things, and took position farther away.

Anna relaxed back, closing her eyes as the sound of pencil against paper filled the room. Otherwise there was silence and Anna eased her breathing. A hand on her shoulder startled her and she met John's grin.

"What?"

"You fell asleep."

"Sorry," Anna adjusted, "I guess I-"

"It's alright." He offered her his hand, "Could I ask you to change position?"

"Were the other sketches alright?"

"They look beautiful." John pointed back toward the small pile. "Would you like to see?"

Anna nodded and John brought them over. She took them from his hands and gazed at versions of herself. They looked so peaceful, serene almost, and for a blissful moment Anna wondered if she would ever be that happy. Her fingers reached out, tentatively stroking the peace on the face of this Anna who could not possibly be her.

"She's calm." Anna finally looked up at John, "That's not me."

"It was in your sleep just now." John took the sketches back and set them to the side. "It's what you can be again."

Anna put a hand to his face and adjusted enough to meet his lips with hers in a soft kiss. She pulled away a moment later and rested her forehead on his to whisper to him. "Will you do that now?"

"What?" John whispered back to her, a touch of confusion in his voice.

"Help me see me the way you do."

"That's what the-"

"Not like that," Anna shook her head, pulling back to look John in the eye. "Like you did at the cabin."

"Anna," John breathed, fear and excitement and trepidation all pulling different muscles of his face. "I don't want to rush your or-"

"I'll tell you if I'm not ready and if I need you to stop." Anna wanted to kick herself for the pleading note in her voice. "Just… I need to see myself differently. I need to see myself the way you see me."

John took a breath, "Tell me the moment you need me to stop. No matter what I want you to know that if you say it, I will."

Anna nodded, "I will."

"Then we'll go slowly."

"Given my lack of strength recently that might be best."

"Wait a moment," John kissed her forehead and then moved away from her.

Anna watched as he gathered some spare blankets and a tarp. He laid the tarp on the floor first and then layered the blankets until he seemed satisfied with the level of comfort. Then John turned to her.

"It's no bed but-"

"Our experiences haven't exactly had that level of comfort." Anna responded and put her fingers to her blouse.

His fingers covered hers almost immediately, "Let me?"

With a nod, Anna sat back. There was nothing gentler than John's hands on her. The slow slide of his fingers over the fabric of her clothing to pry apart buttons and work hooks free set her skin tingling. And when he touched over any skin it was first with his fingers and then with his lips. All of it meant to soothe and satisfy until Anna was sure she melted in his hands.

John lowered her to the floor, exposed to his eyes, and sat away only long enough to get rid of his own clothing. If not for the deep sense of relaxation in her body mingling with the tension in her blood, Anna might have laughed at the awkward and almost frenzied way he attacked his own appearance. But it all settled when she saw him naked before her.

For a moment she convinced herself they were back in the cabin. They were discovering one another for the first time and none of the horrible, dark events of the past two weeks had happened. It was just them in the quiet of the little world they made for themselves and they could slip into that place without worry or care.

Anna took a deep breath as John settled himself over her but he kept his weight away. His knees propped on either side of her waist and he rested his weight there so his hands and lips were free to caress and glide down her body again. Even without her clothing to rasp and steal across her nerves, Anna sighed and whimpered at the care he took with her. No bit of skin was left unloved or unlaved by his tongue. For a brief moment she remembered the careless and selfish way Green had tried the same motions and it threatened to swallow the sensation of John with her.

But when her body tensed John paused. His fingers lighted to hers and Anna forced herself to look at him. She could see him. He was before her, over her, around her but he was there at her invitation. The look in his eyes reminded her that he would wait forever for her invitation and stay just as he was if that was what she wanted. It was not and so Anna nodded once, lifting just enough to kiss him quickly, before laying back.

John continued as though they never stopped. His mouth and hands took their places on her breasts. Anna writhed under him, lifting herself from the floor as she pulled the blankets and tarp to fill her ears with the grating sound. It did not stop him. In fact, if anything, it only drove him to work harder as he nipped, licked, and sucked at her skin.

Her lungs could not seem to fill completely and she grabbed for his scalp. With fingers tangling in his hair, Anna tried to pull him closer as her body opened to him. John followed her cues for only a few minutes before dragging his lips and hands lower. A gentle press to her legs situated himself between them and Anna shivered at the weight there.

He froze again, waiting on her word. Anna tightened her fingers in his hair and forced him toward his previous destination. Without a word, John smoothed his hands over her skin. The massages relaxed Anna even further until his tongue slipped over her clit. She shrieked, ignoring any thought that someone else in the house could hear them, and forced her legs wider for his attentions.

Even as she succumbed to the pleasure, Anna's thoughts flickered. She followed his progress over her injuries, over where pain and pleasure sent her into flashes of memory, over where she wanted to build better memories. John's fingers and tongue touched away the pain. The dark memories held her for only a moment before John's efforts had her hips bucking from the floor.

His fingers entered her with gentle care, working slightly over her. The delicacy of his movements brought her to the edge of sanity and when John sucked determinedly at her, Anna fell over the edge. In the throes of sensation she responded to the tug his fingers to escape the cling of her walls and he laid a final kiss on her nerves.

Anna gripped even harder on John's scalp and forced herself to sit up so they could kiss. The taste of herself on him, the thrill of the experience running through her blood, and the exhilaration of release had Anna wrapping her legs around John's waist. He slipped slightly and Anna fell back, bringing John with her.

John kissed her back, running over her tongue with his own and putting a hand to her face. He pulled back long enough to look in her eyes. They both stopped and Anna took a deep breath. With a nod she brought him closer and John stopped just at her entrance.

"I'm going to move slowly." He slid forward just a bit and paused. "Are you sure? I need more than a nod."

Anna swallowed, "Please."

He moved slowly, following a steady rhythm that struck the steady beat between them. Anna lifted her hips, tightening her legs around his waist, and her digging fingers gouged furrows into his skin. The weight of him on her scratched the fabric of the blanket against her back. For a sick second she was back at the cabin, the fur under her, but when Anna tightened her fingers in John's skin she remembered where she was. She thought past the mental block and gasped when his hand worked between them.

The delicate touch, combine with her lifted hips working her harder over him, sent Anna into paroxysm of pleasure again. She hissed against her teeth and lifted to his ear. "Let go."

"But-"

"I won't break."

John drove faster, taking the edge of Anna's pleasure and buried his face in her neck. His lips tried to kiss over her skin, the motion making them sloppy, but Anna only held him tighter. They worked together until John finished and only just stopped himself falling on her.

They breathed together and Anna lay her head back on the blankets. She took as deep of breaths as she could manage with his weight on her and closed her eyes. It was all she wanted and held him closer to her. John tried to move away but Anna only clutched at him.

"Not yet."

John did not move and Anna soon fell asleep.

* * *

Anna blinked her eyes and shifted the blanket from her. As her arm pushed it down she noticed John, standing with his back to her, placing a canvas on the ground. When she sat and he turned Anna felt helpless frozen between two images. The first was John, as naked as she was under the blanket, and the second was the canvas where he painted her sleeping. Except the painted image hid her face away from the viewer and left her body on display.

"Anna-"

She held up a hand to silence him, standing with the blanket held to her, and walked over the drying canvas. Her fingers wanted to touch it but the shine there stopped her. Instead Anna turned and her eyes caught two other canvases, both in stages of drying, with her in different poses. One had her neck arched in the middle of a passionate moment. The other had her bent over someone else as she straddled them on a chair.

Pivoting on the floor, careful of the blanket, she faced John. "How many of these were you going to do?"

"I-" His face was redder than the paint in his images as he fumbled for words. "I don't know. I just thought I shouldn't-"

"Sit on that chair and don't move." John's eyes widened and Anna dropped part of the blanket so she could point with that hand, exposing one side of her chest to him. "Get on the chair and don't move, Mr. Bates."

John hurried to the chaise lounge and laid himself on the cushioned seat. His legs dangled a bit off the end as Anna dropped the blanket and stalked toward him. She winced a bit with a soreness she was not entirely expecting but it was not like the pain Green gave her. This was the kind of pain-twinged pleasure she wanted again.

Anna climbed onto John's lap and reached forward, her hands finding a hold at his hips. "I think one of your paintings gave me an idea."

"Did it?" John's throat muscles constricted and Anna let her lips move into a smile.

"Yes, it did." One of her hands moved to his shoulder, anchoring herself with her knees on either side of his hips, and the other hand took hold of him. "Would you mind if I let your inspiration work to your benefit and, perhaps, inspire more?"

"I'm at your mercy."

"Or I'm at yours." Anna's hand squeezed and pulled toward herself. "I'm not as experienced at this."

"You're more than enough." John threw a hand behind him to hold the back of the chaise lounge.

"Then I'll continue." Anna slid back, careful of the edge of the chaise lounge.

Her hand worked at him as she put her lips to his skin. He responded to her touch, returning her efforts to arouse him with interest, and soon Anna used her hand to finger over his sack. With another careful move backward, Anna poised her lips right over him and sank down. John bucked and Anna carefully maneuvered to match his motions.

He almost finished, gripping at her arms to stop her, and Anna lifted her head. John could not find the words to speak so Anna moved toward him. His fingers snuck toward her and Anna rocked against them with her hand holding her steady at his shoulder.

It only took a short time to bring her to dangle at the edge with him. Anna knocked his hand away and positioned herself to sink down. He just graced her entrance when his hand dug into her hips. Anna turned to him and John swallowed.

"Slowly."

Anna sank down and dug her knees into his hips. She set a gentle rocking motion, working herself the way she might on a horse, and worked herself to manage the rising desire in herself. John's hands at her hips slipped and slid up her body to maneuver over her breasts. Anna seized his lips again, gyrating and bobbing to meet the excitement of his motions.

They ignored their earlier appellations of speed until Anna paused. John's brow furrowed and Anna took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, felt for him, and began again.

"Slowly." She moved herself in a steady rhythm, forcing herself to keep them both on the edge, and held his face in her hands. "Slowly."

John's motions stuttered but he kept pace with her, following Anna's lead. She held them on the edge until she could not take it any longer. Her fingers drove her over the edge and John clutched her closer to follow.

Anna put her hands forward to catch herself, stopping just short of collapsing on him. She rested her forehead on his shoulder and matched his breathing with hers. He kissed her forehead and then her lips before helping push her back a bit.

"Anna, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Anna smiled at him, her fingers tracing over his face. "I'm very, very fine."

"Then," John pushed himself up to sit and Anna moved herself off him, resting just on his thighs. "Might I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

John turned over his shoulder, "I need to move."

Anna sat herself on the edge of the chaise lounge as John got off and dug in his supplies to remove a small box. She frowned until he knelt down before her, opening the box. Her hands flew to cover her mouth, "What is this?"

"Anna, I want you to stay here, with me. I want you to be my wife because I can't survive life without you." John met her eyes, "Please, Anna, will you be my wife?"

She threw her arms around his neck, "Yes. Yes, John. I want to be your wife."


	18. Anticipation Like No Other

Anna could not keep the grin from her face, rubbing over her finger and staring at John across the table. He ducked his head and tried, for the third time, to get himself involved in the conversation with Mr. Harding, sitting to his right. She smiled and picked at her food until a cough turned her to Charles on her left.

"It might just be a nasty little rumor but I heard there was some noise the other day that no one could explain." He winked at Anna and then nodded toward her finger. "I doubt that came quietly."

"Should it have?"

"I'll not comment either way since I believe strongly that one who has a glass house shouldn't throw stones." Charles took a sip of his drink, "But I do believe congratulations are in order."

"Are you going to tell my parents?"

"Personally I think you should tell them yourself." Charles shrugged, "Bring John with you and we can all go back together."

"You think I should surprise my parents with a fiancé after everything they've heard?"

"I think they'd be much less likely to demand you buy passage on the first ticket back to England if you fulfilled the original objective of your trip here." Charles shrugged, "You might just consider it."

"I'd have to ask my fiancé before I force him onto a train."

"I'd be willing to give us all first-class tickets."

Anna snorted, "Money's not the problem."

"I didn't say it was."

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that we need something to convince your parents that he's worthy of you and him coming off a first-class carriage will go a long way to easing all of their concerns."

"I thought that was what Uncle Harold was for."

"Your Uncle Harold's not the kind of person your parents trust." Charles cringed, "Though they are overjoyed he and Ms. Allsop are getting married."

Anna stopped, "Uncle Harold came all the way to California when he's getting married?"

Charles nodded, "She's the reason he came out here."

"What do you know about it?"

"I only know what he hinted when I brought him from the train, helped him through town, and then put him back on that train." Charles cut into his meat, "Though he wanted to buy a yacht here as well so I don't know if she's changed him as much as everyone hopes."

"The best people for us don't change us, they accentuate us."

"Then I think Ms. Allsop is doing a fine job then." Charles shrugged, "He was very disappointed he couldn't find Mr. Green before he went back. I think he wanted to trounce the man himself."

"I think we all do." Anna gripped her fork a bit harder and Charles covered her hand with his.

"I saw the bloodied chess piece." Charles gave her a little smile, "I'd say you took your chance to trounce him and did a job of it."

"Scarring his face only goes so far since he didn't bleed to death out there in the snow."

"But with his face on every wanted poster from here to whatever they're calling the edge of civilization these days I'd say we're in good hands." Charles shuddered, "That poor priest."

"You're not sorry about the other men they found?"

"In my opinion, as uncharitable as that is, I don't care about the fates of the men who kidnapped my cousin. It was a difficult blow for them, to be sure, and I can't say I believed they deserved to die for what they did but those who live by the sword die by it."

"Very poetic Charles." Anna went back to her food for a moment but stopped herself. "You've already booked the train tickets haven't you?"

"I did." Charles grinned at her, gesturing toward John with his fork before biting down on the contents. "I'm looking forward to the Christmas holidays with Mr. Bates in New York."

"You're staying then?"

"I'm going back after the New Year with your parents." Charles took another bite, "I'll have to say, despite all the horrible results of this journey, I made a few good business deals and investments that'll support the growth of the estate."

"Always looking toward the future."

"Mechanization, Anna, that's where it all is and America's the place to find it."

Anna turned back to her meal, her eyes meeting John's again, and both buried themselves in their plates to avoid distracting themselves.

Dinner finished and they moved to the sitting room. Anna watched Gwen and Mr. Harding in the corner, smiling to herself as they giggled and held hands with one another. Eventually Gwen turned in and Mr. Harding followed. If she stretched, Anna could hear their muttered conversation that ended in a goodnight kiss. Mr. Harding did not return and that left John and Charles discussing something in the corner of the room.

Eventually Charles stood, sighing. "I don't know about the two of you but I think it's time for bed."

Anna kissed Charles's cheek as she stood up. "Goodnight."

"Sleep well because we've got to be up early for the train." Charles nodded at John. "I'm glad you're coming to Christmas. It'll be more fun to have you there."

"I can't tell who'll be more excited. Harold or you." John stood, shaking Charles's hand.

"Harold. He'll try and convince you to go in with him on a few properties he looked at when he was here." Charles stretched, "Well, it's bed for me."

"Goodnight Mr. Blake."

"We're going to be family, Mr. Bates, I think we should consider putting ourselves on a first-name basis."

"I'll consider it once I have the blessing from Ms. Smith's father."

Charles snorted, "You could at least manage to call her 'Anna'. You do want to marry her after all."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"I'm sure you will." Charles headed for the doors, stopping for a moment. "And congratulations to you both."

Anna waited for Charles to leave before turning to John, "Would you walk me up to my room for the night, Mr. Bates?"

"I'd be honored." He took her hand and they left the room.

As they ascended the staircase together John stopped them when they reached the split. He faced the stairs toward her old room, sneaking a look over his shoulder toward the stairs to his own, and then faced Anna. She watched the lines form and dissipate on his face like he was not sure if he wanted to say what he thought.

"What is it?"

"I want to make a very indecent proposal."

"Like the one you made this morning?" Anna grinned at him, pushing closer, and again this afternoon?"

"Quite like that except," John lowered his voice, "I intend this time to be in a bed, like you deserve."

"I only deserve you, John."

"You deserve the world, Anna." John held her hand tighter in his, kissing over her fingers while lingering on the one where the simple gold band rested. "And I want to give you as much of that as I can but I know all I can give you for the moment is my bed."

"What'll Mrs. Hughes say?"

"Probably the same thing she did when we came back from the cabin or when she caught us sniggering coming out of my studio."

"You mean she'll scowl, sniff with disapproval, and then tell me how I'm not to break your heart?"

"Something like that."

"Then I'll endure it." Anna lifted herself on tiptoe to put her mouth by his ear. "Please take me to yours, John."

They snuck up the stairs as quietly as they could, John rushing them to his room before closing the door. With only the light of the stars and the weak moon coming through the windows, giving the room a soft blue-white glow, Anna stood with John. It was almost like they were frozen until John interlaced their fingers.

Their fingers worked with practiced swiftness that faded to a slow drag when they could touch one another skin on skin. Each article of clothing dropped to the floor only to flutter there, forgotten, as lips and fingers memorized skin they traveled before. But each touch was new, each sensation as familiar as home but foreign as a the frontier, and with each new touch came new sounds. Sounds of pleasure, surprise, and pleading.

The sounds that had Anna on her back, one leg over John's hip, and her fingers raking their furrows through his hair as her kissed her. Their mouths moved as slowly as they could manage, the hurry of the afternoon or of their first times together lost in the familiarity they had now. A familiarity they wanted to keep forever as evidence by the warming metal on Anna's finger that skated over the skin of John's chest.

As he glided a hand over her thigh, raising it enough to leave her exposed, Anna sucked at his tongue. John drove forward and broke their kiss so both could cry out. They tried to keep their volume down, the strike of skin on skin matching the rhythm of their panting breaths and hurried kisses, but Anna only wanted more.

Her heels dug into his thighs as she risked a hand to grab his ass. John stuttered at the motion, breaking his rolling thrusts to look her in the eye. They could barely make out the details of the other but Anna urged him faster with rushed whispers she could barely manage to fully express. He responded and drove into her with all the frenetic energy of someone allowed to do what they wanted from the beginning.

It was all Anna could do to hold on and then to hold back when he sent her to climax. Her shriek buried itself in his shoulder with her teeth while John's orgasm expressed in the harsh grunt he muffled in the pillow by her shoulder. They lay together, neither moving, until John slipped free to lay at her side.

Anna rolled enough to face him and John smiled at her. "What do you think Ms. Dawson'll do if you never came back to have her undress you?"

"She's not been dressing me since I could manage the stairs on my own." Anna interlaced their fingers, "And while it may be indecent to suggest, I think she and Mr. Harding might be making an evening of it themselves."

"This is what Mrs. Hughes was trying to avoid." John chided but only chuckled with her, "But I think she'll allow a little leniency since there are rings and intentions all around."

"Then you don't mind Gwen staying here?"

"Mind? I've been hoping John finds himself a good woman for some time. The fact that it's Ms. Dawson just fills me with joy." John settled next to her, "Not as much joy as the fact that I found you-"

"You're a charmer."

"Guilty." John sighed, "Will you stay?"

"It'll be obvious in the morning."

"For a few hours then." John ran a hand up her arm. "I want to keep you as close as I can."

"Afraid I'll run away Mr. Bates?" Anna put her head on his shoulder, the thud of his heart vibrating through her body so she could hear and feel it.

"Never." He whispered, the arm around her back moving his hand to stroke through her hair. "I'm afraid it'll all've been a dream."

Anna moved to look him in the eye. "It's all real John. Every moment of it."

"Then stay here and let it be a little more real for a little while longer." John urged and Anna settled back down.

"Only for a bit. Then I need to get to my own room."

"I'll get you there. Don't worry."

"I don't worry. Not with you."

* * *

Anna got off the train and almost immediately gasped for air when her grandmother knocked the little of it left in her lungs right out. Her arms could barely raise themselves in time to hold onto the embrace crushing her ribs before her grandmother pulled back. Two hands clamped over her cheeks, eyes whizzing to examine her, and then the hug went for another round.

About the time her face tinged blue Uncle Harold extricated her, pulling his mother back. "Now Mother we've got to give her room to breathe."

"I know." Mrs. Levinson reached out a hand, patting at Anna's cheek. "She's just all in one piece here Harold. How can I not rejoice in that?"

"There's nothing wrong with a little bit of rejoicing but we want her breathing when she sees her parents." Uncle Harold stepped up and offered Anna a hug of his own. "I promise I won't squeeze."

Anna gave it to him, the two pulling away swiftly as their stiff acknowledgement of emotion dissipated with the steam on the platform. "Thank you, Uncle Harold, for what you've done."

"I'd only do the same for a niece I liked equally as well." He pulled at his coat, eyes darting away from their conversation as his cheeks tinged a bit red. "And it was my pleasure to be of service to my family for once instead of a burden."

"No one thinks you're a burden, Harold." Mrs. Levinson called from where she put a hand on Charles's arm, "And you dear, how are you?"

"Bit travel worn Mrs. Levinson but no worse for wear." Charles half-turned, grabbing John's arm to pull him from the train and into the line of fire that was her scrutiny. "And you know Mr. Bates as well, yes?"

"We've met." She extended a hand and John shook it without losing her gaze. "How have you been Mr. Bates? I do hope the stress of these last two months hasn't been too much for you."

"It's been a pleasure to have your granddaughter as my guest and I can only wish the circumstances of the trip had been more agreeable." John swallowed, "On that note-"

"Whatever happened in those mountains on the edge of the world happened and we'll forget about it all." Mrs. Levinson brushed it all away with the same hand she used to wave the smoke of the train from her face. "You're here now and we're all going to have a joyous Christmas together."

John went to say something else but Anna caught his eye and when she shook her head he stopped himself. Bending to get his case he extended his other hand to Uncle Harold. "How are you Harold?"

"I'm preparing for a day I never thought would come." Uncle Harold snorted, "Imagine me preparing for a wedding."

"It's a bit difficult to see you in tails or a morning coat." John released his hand, "I'm sure there's a boat involved."

"We've managed to convince a lovely pastor to brave the seas and marry us there in an unofficial ceremony where I'm not choking on a tie but Mother and Madeline's father insist on a church wedding so there's going to be a horrible few hours of pomp and circumstance before I leave all that behind."

"How is Madeline?" Anna pressed, keeping pace with Charles as Uncle Harold pulled John ahead of them to follow Mrs. Levinson through the crowds.

"Elated and a bit overwhelmed since both my mother and my sister have descended on her like vultures to plan her nuptials." Uncle Harold gave a sigh from the bottom of his lungs, "You'd think they'd let her have a say in her own wedding but they claim to know best and since she's a bit to respectful to tell them where they can shove their ideas they're walking all over her."

"Why don't you say something?" Charles spoke up and Uncle Harold risked a look back over his shoulder to address the question.

"I'm not even allowed in the room and any suggestions of it at the dinner table are hushed because it's all supposed to be a surprise." Uncle Harold snorted, "It's not a surprise when the bill collectors come to my door looking for answers to all of it and since I'm not an idiot I know where all the money's going."

Anna raised her eyebrows at John as they entered the carriage, Uncle Harold still going on about the expense of the wedding, and settled into their seats. Once Charles took the seat at Uncle Harold's side, and Mrs. Levinson settled on the other, they set off. As they jostled through the traffic, Anna's fingers found John's and interlaced them. He raised his eyes to hers for only a moment before returning to the continued complaints from Uncle Harold.

They arrived at the house and John helped Anna from the carriage. As she touched down they could only touch briefly before a noise from the door drew Anna's attention. Two figures sprinted toward her, ignoring the other four occupants exiting the carriage, and Anna almost fell back under the force of impact.

Her mother, sobbing into Anna's shoulder, held fast about her waist while her father clutched Anna's head to his chest. She swayed in place, almost unseated by the rocking motions they worked between them. Eventually Anna pulled far enough away to establish her footing and her grandmother's voice did the rest.

"Really this is ridiculous. She's all in once piece."

"Says the woman who almost strangled her at the platform." Uncle Harold muttered under his breath, directing the footmen to their bags. "I'm sure them being excited to see their daughter alive doesn't have to wait for the house."

"I don't want the servants to think we can't control ourselves."

"Better that strangers think that?" Uncle Harold pressed and then retreated to the interior of the house.

Anna faced her parents, her mouth drier than she thought it might be, and swallowed a few times before speaking. "I'm alright, I promise."

"We've been so worried about you. Out there in the wilderness with no one looking out for you." Her mother's hands cradled Anna's face and then tried to pull her into another hug.

Anna avoided it, "I'm alright mother and it wasn't the wilderness. I stayed in a lovely home owned by Mr. Bates here."

He stepped forward, nodding at Anna's mother. "It was my pleasure to have her, Lady Ravensburg."

Anna noted how Charles stifled a laugh of his own behind his hand before retreating into the house, following the same path Uncle Harold just took. She managed a little snort of her own before facing her parents. "In fact, Mr. Bates and I would like your blessing on our engagement."

The drop of her mother's jaw matched the immediately rise of color in her father's face. They looked from John to Anna to John and finally back to Anna. Her mother had to open and close her mouth three times to find the words she wanted.

"I'm sorry dear?"

"Perhaps this conversation is best meant for the interior of the house as well." Mrs. Levinson encouraged, herding them inside like a mother chicken trying to protect her chicks from an oncoming flood. "Not a conversation for the out-of-doors."

In that moment Anna wondered if this was a conversation meant for anywhere. And given her father's color fluctuations between blood-red and milk-white, Anna considered it had been her mistake to mention John at all. Each time her hand sought his, however, her shoulders rolled back and her spine straightened.

By dinner her parents were in a tizzy of disbelief. Charles and Uncle Harold contributed nobly, and even Mrs. Levinson offered her perspective, but when Lord and Lady Ravensburg retreated to bed there was nothing to be done. The slam of their borrowed doors sent a shudder through Anna.

Charles exhaled, "I think they might try to convince you that we should get married again."

"I refused that idea the last time." Anna shook her head, "My parents may be stubborn but they're not stupid."

"With actions like that I'm inclined to disagree." Charles thrust his hand at John. "He's an upstanding man with brains and they don't want him for you."

"They're frightened of what he is," Mrs. Levinson cut in, finishing off her brandy. "They think he's too American and it was hard enough to get Lord Ravensburg to weed the American from my daughter to make her a lady of the county the first time."

"But John's not American." Uncle Harold blew a smoke ring, "He's as English as they are."

"Not with the spread he has in California." Charles shrugged at John, "It's a rough pull mate."

"It's only what I expected." John assured them before turning to Anna. "Might I walk you to your door before I go up to bed?"

"I'd like that very much." Anna stood, turning to kiss her grandmother's cheek and then give one each to Charles and Uncle Harold. "I do hope we didn't spoil your evening with all this."

"Personally I'm overjoyed you and John could make one another happy." Uncle Harold stabbed the end of his cigar into the ashtray before taking John's hand in a firm grip. "You're made for one another."

"I agree." Mrs. Levinson ran a finger along the rim of her glass. "This is the kind of man you complained you couldn't find here and so you found him there. The only downside is that your parents don't see it yet. But they will."

"I'm not so sure."

"Use Harold's wedding as a way to convince them." Mrs. Levinson settled back in her chair, "Everyone thinks differently at a wedding."

Anna nodded, "We'll try again then."

With final wishes of 'goodnight' and 'sleep well' they ascended the stairs to the corridor with the bedrooms. Anna stopped before hers and snuck a glance down the hall before turning to John. "Stay with me."

"While your parents re in the same house?"

"We'll be quiet." Anna tugged on his hand. "And it's just…"

John frowned, "Just what, Anna?"

"I want to feel close to you. Even if you're just beside me it'll convince me we're not going to lose to this."

"I'm not giving up just because you're parents are unsure of a man they only just met." John kissed her cheek. "But I won't ravish you with your parents a few doors down."

"Spoilsport." Anna teased, her hand slipping to rub over him.

John's hand flew out, catching himself on the wall next to her door. His eyes scrunched shut and Anna tightened her hand to grab at him. The buck of his hips toward her hand and the whimper he bit back as his teeth sunk into his lip had Anna grinning when she stood on tiptoe to put her lips next to his ear.

"We'll be quick."

In a flash they were just inside her room. Anna barely managed to shut the door before John had her against the wall, his mouth over hers. Her fingers grabbed for purchase on his arms, in the fabric of his jacket, or even on the wall but nothing held.

His hands were under her thighs and he lifted her from her feet, forcing her legs to wrap over his waist to keep her from falling back to the ground. The barely contained evidence of his arousal jutted against the material of his trousers and it stabbed at Anna's center when John backed her into the wall. With a solid thump he set to bucking his hips into her.

Anna's fingers pulled at her skirt, working her hand to where she needed John as his mouth continued to ravage hers. His own hands tugged and pulled at the fabric keeping her concealed from him and in no time at all she was exposed to the cool air of the room. But with John's insistent fingers delving deep between her folds and prying her open with swift but sure strokes, Anna burned hotter than any summer she ever endured.

Her tongue tangled with his and teeth clacked when they misjudged or got over enthusiastic. The same enthusiasm that threatened to tear them apart as John opened his trousers and Anna adjusted enough for him to thrust forward. They rested only a moment, hauling in deep breaths, before John's hips cracked against Anna's.

They drove one another forward, whispers and whimpers matching hisses and half-formed words before they could only grunt and groan to signal one another. Anna tried to get John to succumb first and when he fell over the edge his last actions brought her with him. A moment of bliss that shattered the reality of their position and their situation.

Eventually John helped Anna to her feet and then adjusted himself to look presentable. Anna smoothed down his hair, laughing a bit before kissing at his cheek. "You'd best get on, Mr. Bates, before someone suspects something."

"I'll just say I was seduced by an angel." John teased back, kissing her lips one last time, "Goodnight Ms. Smith."

"Goodnight Mr. Bates."

John grinned one last time, kissing her fully, and slipped from the room. Anna watched him go, a smile on her face as she closed the door the same time he did. She rested her forehead on the wood, wondering if a heart could feel so gloriously full.


	19. The Devil Came Calling

Anna threw rice with everyone else as Uncle Harold escorted his new wife into their carriage. She clapped her hands together with all the rest, cheering as Uncle Harold turned back to the crowd. He pulled out a billfold and tossed some of the money in the air and the guests shrieked before running to find the floating bills. Dodging through the crush, Anna took Uncle Harold's hand with one of hers and used the other to hold Madeline's.

"I'm so excited for you." Anna kissed Uncle Harold's cheek and then put herself on tiptoe to kiss Madeline's cheek as well. "Have the best time."

"Thank you Anna." Uncle Harold nodded toward John and Anna noticed him helping her mother into their carriage. "I wish I could stay to help you but…"

"No," Anna urged him into the carriage. "You're duty is to your wife and I wish you both the best."

"As we wish for you." Madeline clutched at Anna's hand.

Anna stepped back from the carriage as Uncle Harold climbed into it. She waved them off, the sounds of the excited guests behind her finally reaching her ears, and Anna jumped a bit when someone touched her shoulder. Her jumped turned to a nervous giggle when John smiled down at her.

"Are you ready to return to your grandmother's for the feast she planned?"

"I think so." Anna took a deep breath, "I'm grateful that you took the time to help my mother into her carriage."

"I thought it best." John offered Anna his hand, "And may I now help you into my carriage?"

"I think I'd like that." Anna took his hand and climbed up into the carriage, ducking her head and shivering as a rush of cold wind blew through the air. "Hurry, before the heat leaves."

John climbed in after her and shut the door, urging the carriage away from the church. The other guests milled around, some getting into their carriages as well with the views of it caught in the window for mere moments. Anna settled with him, her hand slipping into the comforting hold of his.

"Has my father talked to you?" Anna finally faced him, her fingers clutched his while her other hand rubbed up the sleeve of his morning coat.

"I think the better question is if I have had the chance to really talk to him but every time we're in the same room together he tries to escape." John shrugged, "I guess he's struggling to acknowledge that you'd want to marry someone like me."

"Perhaps it's more that he doesn't know how to confront the fact he's losing his daughter." Anna sighed, "But I feel that's only wishful thinking."

"I think I'd be beside myself if I lost you." John lowered his voice, whispering in her ear. "That's the worst fate I could imagine for myself."

Anna took his hand, raising it to kiss the back of his palm, and lowered her other hand from his arm to rest on his leg. John frowned at her but his eyes quickly widened when she trilled her fingers toward his trouser fastenings, working a path between his legs in time with the toss of the carriage. He rested his head against the back of the carriage and tried to force air into his lungs as Anna unfastened his trousers.

Getting onto the floor of the carriage, Anna tugged the trousers down with his pants to leave the tails of his shirt and coat fanning out from his waist. She grinned up at him and used her hands on his thighs to maneuver forward so her lips could kiss him. John grappled with the carriage cushions before ensuring all the coverings on the carriage were closed. Anna used his motion to slide her tongue over him while working her mouth to suck and squeeze before taking a long pull to scrape with her teeth.

John's harsh grunt was barely muffled in the skin of his hand, his teeth worrying his lip with significant effort. A dribble of blood bloomed there and Anna rose up, one of her hands taking the position on his arousal to squeeze and grip him tightly, to lick it away. His hand took the back of her neck before Anna could tease away and they both gasped with the effort of kissing each other with all their might.

Anna let go of him, her hands gripping the sides of his face, and maneuvered to take more of his mouth with hers. John's hands were under her skirt, sliding up her skin to try and move her knickers out of the way. She shimmied to the side and worked herself free as much as she could before breaking the kiss.

The heavy breathing between the two of them filled the carriage and Anna kissed him quickly before backing away. She lifted her skirts, dropping her knickers to the floor, and turned to put her back to him. His hands gripped at the globes of her ass and helped situate her so Anna could feel the edge of his arousal at her entrance.

Taking time to look over her shoulder, Anna smiled at him and sank down. John scooted forward to put himself on the edge of his seat and jam himself in place between the two benches. Anna's legs went on either side of his and she spread them as wide as she could to experience him as deeply as she could.

They held themselves still for a moment until Anna rocked back and forth with the rocking of the carriage. John held tightly to her hips as she moved, meeting her motions with counterthrusts and driving motions. His fingers teased toward her clit and ran over her to send the sparking of the nerves to her blood. Anna threw a hand to the side to hold her in place at the sharp smack of their skin meeting.

In the bunching of fabric and heat of the carriage, Anna let out a strangled shriek. She slumped slightly and tried to work toward him to meet John's finish. His forehead rested on her shoulder, the heat of his breath making a hot patch on her back. They barely moved and Anna jumped when the carriage stopped.

"Damn." John muttered and helped Anna rearrange herself before pulling his trousers and pants back into place. "We'll make a sight."

"We should take a moment in the cold before going inside." Anna rearranged her coat as the door opened and exited the carriage before John could join her. She paced a moment and then turned to John as he joined her. He fiddled with his hat between his hands before replacing it on his head.

"I think we're ready. Ready enough I think."

"I'm ready as long as I'm with you." Anna took his hand, "Let's make our way in together and we can endure it all."

They entered the hall and Anna maneuvered them through the crowd to find her grandmother. She raised an eyebrow at them and then shrugged. "I guess we've all got to get ourselves a bit more excitement."

Anna coughed and John almost choked on a glass he made the mistake of putting to his lips. Forcing a smile, Anna addressed her grandmother. "I don't know what you mean."

"No, you do, you just don't want to acknowledge that there's the possibility that I might've taken the time for some myself." Mrs. Levinson winked at Anna and lifted a hand to wave at a white-haired man in the corner. "Or that I'm going to."

"Grandmama!"

"If you can't accept it then you shouldn't mention it." Mrs. Levinson took a drink before nodding at John. "How has your attempt at an official request for the blessing gone then Mr. Bates?"

"Not well as Lord Ravensburg has taken great pains to avoid me."

"He's a stubborn one. I blame that on his mother." Mrs. Levinson shuddered, "That woman could stare death in the face and refuse to bow to his whim."

"Be nice, Grandmama," Anna warned, smiling at bit as she took a drink of her own. "She's not here to defend herself and we're just casting horrible aspersions about her."

"Not if they're true." Mrs. Levinson hurried to set her drink on a passing platter. "Now, I'm going to take the time to distract your mother so Mr. Bates here can use Mr. Blake to corner your father."

Anna half-turned to watch Charles make his way through the crowd to meet them. He smiled, clapping a hand on John's shoulder, and pushed him toward the library doors. John cast a final look toward Anna and she smiled to urge him on.

In the moment of silence, the humming buzz of noise washing over her but never quite touching her, had Anna easing through the guests. Someone put a hand on her shoulder and Anna immediately leaned forward to kiss Mabel's cheek and then Tony's. "Thank you both for coming."

"We couldn't miss it." Tony assured her, waving a hand at the party. "We needed to wish Madeline and Harold well."

"They'll appreciate it once they get back from Paris." Anna finished her drink and set it on the platter next to her grandmother's. "But I'm glad you're here. I don't know anyone else now that Charles took Mr. Bates away."

"About that," Tony shuffled in place and could not quite meet Anna's eyes. "I wanted to apologize, in person, for the introduction I supplied."

"Oh," Anna's face fell a bit, "That has nothing to do with you."

"It's a matter of association that I should've pressed a bit more to prevent anything happening."

"I'm not sure you know what's happened-"

"I've got a few friends with a bit of information coming from California as well." Tony extended a hand, "I hope you don't mind that I didn't do enough."

"I think it says more about you than him." Anna responded kindly, "Because you could never imagine someone could be that horrible. It's nothing to do with you and I don't want you to feel any guilt over it. Moreover, know that I don't blame you. I never could."

"I still want to tell you that I'm sorry." Tony bit at his lip, "I don't think I've got the whole story but there's enough for me to know that I think you're the bravest person I could ever meet."

"Thank you Tony." Anna kissed his cheek again and then turned when she noticed the door to the library opening. "I've got to go."

She responded as perfunctorily as she could when she moved through the crowd, and tried to stop her father exiting the room. He only stared at her, shaking his head, and then pushed through the crowd. Anna gaped after him as Charles joined her in the doorway. With her mouth still open, Anna tried to speak but could not find the words.

Charles shook his head, "Your father's not happy."

"I could see that." Anna argued, "Why?"

"Apparently he's not as trusting of John as I am and he believed the contents of a few telegrams he never showed me." Charles shook his head, "He thinks you and I've been… bewitched or something."

Anna's eyebrows rose, "We're not in the sixteenth century."

"I know but your father is not as… open minded." Charles sucked the inside of his cheek, "He thinks we're delusional and he's convinced the best thing for you is to come back to England."

"I'm not going back unless John's with me."

"Then you'll have a hard time convincing your parents."

"I don't care."

"But you should, Anna." Charles sighed. "I don't agree with them and I want to convince them otherwise but they are your parents. Give them time to work through the worry they built up about you and maybe it'll all end well."

"Don't tell me you believe that."

"I have to. There's nothing else to be done about it." Charles raised a hand and Anna turned over her shoulder to see Tony and Mabel. "Now I'm going to talk with Tony and you're going to convince Mr. Bates to come and rejoin the party."

Anna moved past Charles and into the library, her eyes immediately settling on John. He stood by the window, hands clasped behind his back, and the tension in his shoulders almost had Anna weeping for him. It only relaxed slightly as she rested her hand on his arm.

"He's convinced I hoodwinked you." John kept his focus out the window, "That I… kidnapped you and held you until you submitted to my will."

"He's wrong." Anna tried to turn John but he moved out of her hold. "I don't believe that and neither do you."

"I don't have to believe it." He held up his hand, papers clutched in his grip. "He believes it and that means he'll never approve of this."

"He doesn't have to approve." Anna insisted, snatching the papers from his hand to read the telegrams. She threw them into the fire, forcing John to face her. "It's not his decision in the end."

"But if you chose me, Anna, you lose your family."

"And if I chose them I'll be miserable forever." Anna took his hands with hers. "I won't be miserable forever."

"They're your parents, Anna."

"Yes, they are, but they're not my future." She took a deep breath, "As much as I love them, I need to make my own decisions. Those decisions may not include the people who sent me away when I embarrassed them."

John did not answer, only held tightly to her hands. Anna rubbed her thumbs over his skin before bringing his hands to her lips to kiss. Their eyes met and both managed small smiles.

"We are the decisions we make, Mr. Bates, and I intend to decide on you."

"I'm nothing Anna." He muttered but Anna put her finger under his chin to make him meet her eyes.

"You are everything to me." Anna blinked at her tears, "You saved me, John. You loved me and continued to love me when no one else would. That's everything I need because you're everything I need."

Now it was John's turn to kiss her hands. He released them almost immediately and walked toward the doors, locking them with a significant click, before turning to her. Anna shivered as the hairs on her body stood on end at the sight of him stalking toward her.

"Then let me finish bringing you out of your shell." His voice growled against her ear and he turned her to put her hands on the back of a chair. "Everything I do, every action I ever direct toward you, is done because I love you. Because I want you to be the person you can be. Because I think the world of you."

John paused, his lips whispering over the skin of Anna's neck, "Do you believe that?"

"Yes," She could barely breathe as his hands wrapped around her waist, skating over her dress to bunch and shift the fabric over her skin.

"Then will you let me do this? Will you trust that I'm the one here for you?" The rush of heated breath over her sent another shiver through Anna and she pulled away. "If not-"

"No," Anna shook her head, a hand reaching back to hold him to her. "It's… the party… I don't want any…"

"Right." John kissed her neck. "Then later."

"Yes." Anna turned in his grip, "I need you."

"I need you too." His hands cupped around her face, "More than I've ever needed anyone and more than I deserve."

She kissed him for a moment but pulled back when he tried to take it deeper. "Later. For now I need to help play hostess and perhaps manage a little damage control."

And with that they left the library. Charles tried to give Anna a judgmental look but Anna ignored him and worked the guests of the party before meeting her parents. Her father was furious and her mother, more furious with Mrs. Levinson, insisted they immediately discuss the particulars for returning to England. Anna wanted to argue but the doors opened and the blast of cold air alerted everyone to someone standing there.

Anna's jaw dropped. It was Green.

He surveyed the room and Anna noted, with a hint of pride, the mark over his face. Their eyes met and he stalked toward her but John and Charles both stepped in the way. Charles grabbed him first, putting a hand back to stop John's charge, and tugged them toward the library.

Anna followed quickly, throwing off her mother's grab for her, and watched Charles toss Green into a seat. A hand at her shoulder alerted her to Tony's presence and he risked a look behind them to nod Mrs. Levinson and his wife away to stop Anna's mother. He pulled the door closed to leave Anna as the only woman in the room with her cousin, her father, John, and Tony.

"You've got a lot of nerve showing your face here." Charles breathed and then snorted, "In more ways than one I think."

"Oh this?" Green pointed to his face, "This is a badge of honor for me."

"Because you survived a horrible attack." Anna's father spoke and she went to respond but Green beat her to it.

"A horrible encounter with some of the natives in the West. Rather brutal people but I think," His eyes met Anna's and her fist clenched around a candlestick on the table before her that Tony had to take from her when she almost lifted it from the surface. "I think they were just confused."

"Confused about what?" Her father demanded but John's voice startled them.

"You bastard. How dare you come here after what you did to her."

"You mean what you did to her, Mr. Bates?" Green stood, brushing away Charles's hands. He turned his focus to Anna's father, "It was a horrible thing that I couldn't get here sooner-"

"Because he's trying to avoid the authorities looking to put his face on more than a wanted poster." Tony interrupted and Anna's father jumped. "He's wanted for at least four murders in the town of Eureka."

"Case of mistaken identity."

"Was your taking out loans in my cousin's name and stealing money by fraud, mistaken identity?" Charles joined with Tony, "I was there and I watched each and every one of those bank managers identify you as the one who would drag her name through the mud."

"You're confusing him with someone else." Anna's father insisted but she smacked her hand on the table to turn all eyes to her. "Anna?"

She pointed a shaking finger at Green, "That man tried to steal my fortune, tried to marry me under false pretenses twice, and then shot a priest in front of me before he raped me."

Anna's father's jaw dropped. He struggled for words, eventually succumbing to just shaking his head. "That's not possible."

"Because he sent you a few telegrams?" Anna could not keep the bitterness from her voice. "Or because you didn't think something that horrible could happen twice?"

"He's worried more about his name than you." John cut in, red rising in his face and a fist clenched so tightly his knuckles were white.

"Don't you dare speak to me." Anna's father snapped over at John, "You're nothing but a wild man of the mountains."

"Better than the man you allow to spew lies at you from this seat." Charles took Anna's father's shoulder but he tossed Charles's hand away. "I've spent time with Mr. Bates, I know him, and I know he's a good man who-"

"He's convinced you all of a lie."

"The only liar in this room is this man." Charles pointed at Green, "Do you know how he really got that scar over his face?"

"He just told us-"

"Anna gave it to him." Charles dug in his pocket and clacked the broken chess piece on the mantle. "With this. It was her only weapon to defend herself before she ran six miles to escape him. That's the reason we were held up for so long. So she could recover because of the actions of this man."

Anna's father blinked and took a chair for himself. "He's a man of honor."

"I can attest he's not and never has been." Tony gave his own upturned lip of distaste toward Green. "I'm ashamed that I ever introduced them and more ashamed that I never saw this as a possibility. An action I deeply regret."

"Don't you have anything to say?" Charles crossed his arms over his chest, keeping Green in his sights. "Any defense that's worth a damn?"

"Just that these are all lies, Lord Ravensburg." His voice was almost pleading as he attempted to bring Anna's father to his side. "They're just-"

"Jealous? Desperate?" Charles scoffed, "I've got nothing in this game but Anna's welfare. John's not after anyone's money because he's not on the wrong side of a few criminals. And Tony's nothing but a good man. So what could we have to gain from lying about you, Mr. Green?"

"Destruction of my reputation."

"You don't have you." Anna finally breathed and the room fell silent. "You're nothing but a coward and a snake. You trick and lie and cheat and steal what you want because you don't know how to work or strive for anything. You believe the world owes you something it doesn't and that you deserve things you don't. Like you thought you deserved me."

"Well," She stalked toward him, taking the chess piece in her hand and noting the way Green flinched ever so slightly. "You don't deserve to walk in my shadow or even speak to me and I'm glad someone else helped me see that."

Dropping the chess piece in his lap Anna left the room. The guests at the party, confused as the sudden entrance that ended in a secret conference, tried to distract her but Anna pushed past them. She even ignored her mother and did not stop until her door was closed and locked behind her.

The lights lit the room with a harsh light but Anna needed them as the cloudy day stopped the sunlight leaking through. She took up a chair and sat there, stewing and boiling until a knock sounded on the wood. Her eyes blinked and Anna noted the darkness of the sky. Not the gray from before but the full dark.

Hurrying from her chair she opened the door to see one of the maids. The girl ducked her head, squeaking a bit, and hurried past Anna to light the fire in the grate. Anna watched her, distracted by the process until a hand touched her shoulder. She almost jumped but calmed immediately when she saw John there.

"He's gone, Anna."

"For good?"

"For now." John's eyes went to the floor and he shook his head, "Your father insisted on hearing Green's story and I think… I think he's still inclined to believe him."

"Even after everything Tony and Charles said?"

"Apparently Green didn't start telegramming your father in California." John bit at his cheek, waiting for the maid to finish before closing the door. "He's been in correspondence with your father on a professional level for some time and then made his intentions clear shortly after you came to America. Your father sent you here in the first place at his suggestion."

"What?"

"It's… it's rather awkward but I believe Charles's suggestion that your father lost quite a bit of money on some of Green's schemes would suggest why he was so anxious for a union." John shrugged, "I think they both believe there's money to be had in it."

"But instead they're both broke?" Anna ran a hand over her face, "What about Charles's fortune?"

"Apparently it's protected as part of the estate from the portion your mother gave as her dowry. That's untouchable but your father's personal fortune, and a bit of your mother's, is gone."

"Then Green wanted me to take what he can't touch now?"

John nodded, "It appears that way. Charles has been arguing with your father about it since Green left."

"What else did he say?"

"He's convinced your father that you're delusional and imagined the whole thing. Some kind of fevered dream that he intimated I was a part of."

Anna could almost watch the color leave her face the way it leaked from John's. "That's not true. That could never be true."

"It's what he believes, Anna, and it's what's made it difficult for me to convince your father to give his blessing." John hung his head, "He thinks I'm the one who hurt you."

"You couldn't ever hurt me." Anna put a hand to his face, keeping it there when he tried to escape her hold. "Never."

"Anna-"

"No." Her finger went over his mouth. "I won't hear it."

They stood there for a time and John kissed at her finger, "Then I won't say it. I won't say anything but that I could never hurt you."

Anna broke the delicate space between them and stepped into his embrace. His arms wrapped around her and she sighed as she held him tightly. The material of his clothing pressing into her fingers when she flexed them, as if trying to get as much of him as she could in her grip so he could never escape, and giving her the comfort she needed.

"Anna?" His voice was so low she almost did not hear it. "May I touch you?"

She nodded her head against his chest and then gasped in surprise when he turned her as he had in the library. Her hands caught the back of her chair and he pressed against her. The wrap of his hands over her waist had her leaning back against him.

"I want… I want to show you what you mean to me."

"I thought those paintings in your house did that?" Anna teased but her breath caught in her throat as John's teeth grazed near her pulse. Her hand went back to rake through his hair, bringing him closer, and tightened at the small thrust of his hips against her.

"But with him here… I need…" John could not speak and his forehead rested on Anna's shoulder. "I can't let him get between us."

"He won't." Anna's fingers loosened, brushing through John's hair instead of digging there for a secure hold. "He can't."

"Please," John's lips moved over the column of her neck. "Let me ease my fears? Let me ease your fears?"

Anna nodded and John's hands turned her to face him again. Their hands moved gently, taking their time to expose one another one patch of skin at a time. Kisses and touches reminded Anna of their night in John's room. Of the delicacy of a motion in a shared space where they felt safe from the world instead of hidden. A place they could find solace in one another while the world raged outside.

John kissed down her body, taking all the time he wanted to leave traces over her shoulders and chest, to leave her panting at the care he showed to her breasts, and eventually sank to his knees before her. Anna reached back to cling to the chair for support with one hand and his head with the other as John's shoulders spread her legs apart.

His fingers and tongue worked to bring her to the edge slowly. Sucking and licking at her nerves as he swept his fingers through her folds, John moved at his own pace as if heedless of the pants and pleadings of Anna. Her nails dug fresh crescents into his scalp but they only slowed his motions until Anna trembled and quivered over him. And when she thought she could take no more, he let her fall.

Only because of his hold on her hips did Anna remain standing. John stood, rotating Anna again so she could lean for support on the back of the chair, and stepped closer. His erection ran its path through her still sensitive folds and Anna whimpered her moan into the material of the chair.

The press of him at her back sparked the memories but his voice, soft and gentle, reminded her of the hands that held her. Anna covered one of his hands, holding it to her tightly and leveraged herself back toward him. John took the hint and drove forward. It took Anna to her tiptoes but John maneuvered to set a rocking motion that had him striking deeply inside her.

With each pull to the edge Anna wanted to grit her teeth, to clench her jaw, but John's whispered against her skin, his murmurs in her ear, his kisses over her shoulders, and his delicate caresses over her skin eased her fears. Each motion was like opening up again, falling to his attentions again. And Anna watched the last of the darkness within her fall away. Watched the last remnants of that horrible night fade to a distasteful memory.

She blinked, using her hold on the chair to give her the leverage she needed to return his thrusts, and soon scrabbled with his hand in hers to ignite the nerves again. The sparks flared and left colors blinking before her eyes as she did so and, in the distant part of her mind, she recognized John joining her. Like in the carriage earlier, his forehead rested on her shoulder as his breathing eased.

When he pulled from her, grabbing at his clothes to leave, Anna wrapped his wrist with her fingers. "Stay."

"I can't." John shook his head, "Someone'll see me and if they don't then someone'll know I never used my room."

"And?"

"Your parents and grandmother are in this house."

"I don't care."

"We should."

"Why?"

"What is someone finds out?"

"The people I care about knowing already know." Anna kept her voice firm. "My grandmother told us as much this afternoon and Charles suggested he's not stupid as to why we're so close."

"What about your parents?"

"They already think I'm a fallen woman and that I'm spoiled for anyone." Anna caught John's hand before he could speak, "Which is their mistake."

"What about anyone else?"

"If anyone else finds out they'll be hard pressed to do anything to stop it now." Anna tugged John's hand toward her bed. "Stay with me, please."

John gave in and followed her to the bed. They crawled in together and Anna worked herself to his side. His arm wrapped under her, stroking the line of her back, and she fell asleep under the comfort of his touch.


	20. Wild Men and Mountains

Anna breathed in, her face scrunching slightly as something tickled at her back. She tried to turn but a hand on her waist held her in place. With a twitch, Anna peeked over her shoulder and met the grinning face of John as he traced the line of her shoulder with his kisses.

"Good morning."

"It will be." He promised and returned to his kisses.

She tried to move but he held her in place, the arm under her maneuvering to place his hand where her blood already tingled to set her gasping at his touch, and the other wrapped her to him while fondling toward her breast. Anna buried her face in the pillow, biting at the material to muffle her moans as she attempted to fit herself to him while seeking his caress. All the while she writhed against him and John only responded with groans of his own as her ass slipped and teased his arousal.

One of John's legs separated hers and Anna flung it back over his hip to feel John slipping forward. His fingers spread her open enough to him to slide through her folds and taunt her to higher and higher heights of frustrating pleasure. Anna grappled back with a hand to grab for his hair and turned her head to kiss him. The angle only left them sucking at one another, missing their mouths as much as they found them, but Anna contented herself with disguising her moans in his skin as his hips snapped against her ass to tempt her.

"Please John." Her voice rasped against the skin of his neck as he bent over her shoulder to kiss at more of her, fingers bruising where they dug for a firmer hold on her body. "Please."

With a small adjustment john thrust into her. Anna shuddered, dropping her arm from his neck and finding purchase at his hip and then his ass as he rutted into her. John nipped at her skin, his hold on her turning harder as he tried to hold back. But Anna urged him onward, taking his wrist with the fingers of her other hand and driving him to roughly rub at her until she muffled her shriek in his hair.

It only took a moment for John to come over the edge with her, his finish vibrating through her body as his grunt rippled over her skin. Loosening her hand from it's scarring grip on the flesh of his ass, Anna petted at his head and placed kisses wherever she could reach. The finger of their hands intertwined and Anna turned enough for John to bring them to his lips.

He kissed there before taking her mouth in their first real kiss. John pulled back, his other hand coming up to stroke over her cheek. "I hope that was alright."

"It was better than alright." Anna kissed him again, laying back. "I think it was the best I've felt in some time."

"Good." John settled with his chin on her shoulder, taking her hair one strand at a time to pull it away from her face. "I hope it helped you forget for awhile."

"It did." Anna ran her fingers through his hair as well, "I just wish it was always like this."

"It can be."

"You already said you wouldn't want me to make that choice." Anna sighed, "We'll just have to hope my parents come to their senses."

"What are the odds of that?"

Anna shrugged, "I honestly don't know. After what you told me last night I struggle to think my father has any sense at all."

"He was fooled. It could happen to anyone."

"Not to you."

"I was fooled once." John pulled back, "I told you about my wife."

"I guess I didn't think it the same thing but I could see it." Anna frowned and then sat up enough to glare at the window, "You said 'good morning' like it was actually morning."

"It is morning." John pointed to a clock on the far mantle. "Perhaps not the morning you're used to but it's the morning you have when you live on a ranch."

"Is that a warning Mr. Bates?" Anna eased back down, tapping the end of his nose with the tip of her finger.

"It might be." John moved to cover her, kissing over her face from her forehead to her chin. "But I was wondering if you'd be willing to test something else."

"Does it require me rising at the crack of dawn for manual labor?"

"Only if making children is labor." John growled against her neck, kissing toward her collarbones. "It's more like the natural order than actual work."

"How'd you mean?"

"I'll show you."

John kissed lower, taking time to care for her breasts and bring her to higher sensitivity as her skin sparked with the residue of their earlier motions rising from the ebb. She held at his hair, arching her back to give him more and he took it with greedy satisfaction only to return it to her tenfold. With each brush of his lips and slip of his tongue, Anna tightened her hold on his head to guide his motions.

His hands were not idle. They spread her legs wide to open her to him and returned to their earlier occupation. This time they spread and slipped, dipped and glided to seek each point of pleasure that left Anna's hips bucking and shifting to seek out a solution to the rise in her desire.

Continuing still lower, John replaced one hand with his tongue and continued to manipulate her breasts as he sucked over her nerves. Each flick of his tongue or lap of the flat of it drove her to cry out. Anna's fingers clutched desperately at the sheets under her until her hands shook with the effort of trying to hold herself in place. But no matter how hard she clung to the solid bed under her, when John teased into her with his fingers and wrapped his tongue tightly around her she fell over the edge.

In the haze she sensed John moving beside her. Her body was at his mercy as her turned to her side again and moved just behind her, waiting. With the little clarity Anna could find she slipped back, sheathing him as deeply inside her as she could before she took leave of all her senses. But when he shifted them with an arm tight around her middle, to lift onto their knees so he could crouch over her, Anna gasped at the difference in how deeply he struck inside her without trying.

Her head hung down as she simply tried breathing. John did not move and the quiver in his hands, loosely placed on her hips, screamed his control while his body cried for attention. Anna spread her knees to dig into the mattress and shifted toward him. John's groan, only half-muffled in her back, gave Anna the strength she needed to drive herself toward him again. The hungry tension between them only tempted her further as John's fingers dug into her hips.

Soon they moved without worry or care. John's charge into her, striking skin against skin, drove Anna to the edge of sanity and she responded with all the frenzy her body could manage. They slipped on the sheets and occasionally lost their frenetic rhythm but the merciless search for pleasure had them grappling with one another as soon as they could find anything to give them the control they needed. Anna dug handfuls of the sheets and her knees bore permanent marks from how hard she shoved them into the bedding to keep her position as John thrust into her.

For a moment she risked a look behind her and groaned at the sight of them together. In the half-light of dawn it was hard to imagine they were two separate people because with John buried inside her as far as he could go, she was sure they were the same person. And, with that thought in her head and John's fingers on her nerves, Anna tumbled over the edge again.

John followed and lowered them back to the bed. They fumbled and slipped before finding their places on the bed again. Anna heaved breath into her lungs, her brain only able to focus on the tedious process of filling her lungs to exhale and repeat. She turned to John and found his hand with hers. He moved his head to see her and smiled.

"Was that work, Ms. Smith?"

"The best kind." Leaning over enough to kiss him again, Anna settled her head on his shoulder. "The work that's no work at all."

"We should rest." John urged, closing his eyes.

Anna tried to follow suit but it took her much longer to fall asleep. She could not stop staring at him. And it was not until his steady breathing filled the room that she could let herself follow him to the land where they could dream together.

* * *

"What are your plans for the day?"

Anna looked up to face her mother, eating across from her at the table as her father took a note from Spratt. She watched his face as he read it and then stood up from his seat. He kissed his wife and waved away her question before disappearing from the room. Charles met Anna's eye and then followed him.

"Anna?" She turned to her mother again, eyes wide, "I asked you a question."

"You did." Anna cleared her throat, sneaking a look at John before addressing her mother. "Just reading. I've had enough adventure for now and I think the best thing for me is rest."

"And you Mr. Bates?" Mrs. Levinson used her coffee cup to motion toward him. "Do you have plans for relaxation as well?"

"I actually thought I'd take up Harold's offer for a tour of the grounds."

Mrs. Levinson frowned, "But he's not here."

"All the better. He won't distract me."

"I would've thought you'd be too tired for a walk around the estate." Mrs. Levinson said into her cup and Anna choked on her toast. "But if you think it's worth the effort then, by all means."

"I could take you." Anna's mother offered, "I've not see the new gardens and I remember the rest of it well enough to make it worth your while."

"Thank you, Lady Ravensburg." John smiled at her and then met Anna's eyes as she finally managed to breathe. "Are you well, Lady Anna?"

"Well enough." She gave a final cough and sipped at her water glass.

The table dispersed and Anna avoided her grandmother, who went with John and Anna's mother, to escape into the library. She ran her fingers along a few of the titles before she chose one and found a seat. The comfort of the chair, the warmth f the room, and the words on the page kept her so absorbed she almost missed the knock at the door to the library.

It was not until the door opened that Anna lowered her book, noting someone entering the library. Her smile was ready but it faltered immediately as Green came into focus, all the ugly clarity of his being striking to her heart. Putting the book to the side, Anna stood and took the single pace she needed to pull the bell.

"Anna-"

"It's 'Ms. Smith' to you, or 'Lady Anna' if you want to be more respectful." Anna moved as Green took another step toward her, putting the sofa between them. "Keep your distance, sir."

"Why?"

"Because you're not my brother, my cousin, my father, my husband, or my fiancé and you've no right to be any closer unless I invite you."

"This is ridiculous." Green pointed toward the door as it opened her father entered, Charles on his heels. "Your father just gave his blessing."

Anna turned to her father, her jaw not dropping only by virtue of the strength she used to grind her teeth together. "Excuse me?"

"He's your fiancé now, Anna." Her father came to Green's side. "He's not-"

"I won't have him." Anna raised a shaking finger, "I won't take the man who raped me when a priest wouldn't marry us against my will."

"Anna," Green held out a hand but she shied away from it. "You're delusional. I never did that."

"And I never gave you that scar on your face? Is that it?" Anna spit at him, "I didn't imagine anything and I have scars of my own to prove it."

"Anna, I'm your father and I say-"

"To Hell with you and whatever deal you made with him." Anna tried to keep herself from shrieking at him. "How could you betray me?"

"I didn't-"

"Anna," Charles came to her side, "I think we're making it worse."

"It doesn't get worse than this." She thrust her hand in Green's direction. "I won't do it."

Charles lowered his voice, "I'm not saying you should but this just plays into Green's hands."

"How?"

"He's convinced your father you're unstable and need a steady hand."

"Not his."

"No, never his." Charles put a hand on her arm. "Let me try and convince your father otherwise. I can get to him."

Anna turned to him, taking a deep breath, and nodded. Charles kissed her cheek and pivoted to face Lord Ravensburg, "Uncle, I think there are some things you don't understand and I want to talk-"

"I won't hear this." Lord Ravensburg threw his hands into the air. "I won't have my daughter believing a lie and you joining her in that fantasy."

"There's no fantasy here but the one Mr. Green's fed you."

"Honestly Charles, I thought you were bright." Lord Ravensburg turned on his heel to stalk from the room, "I've got arrangements to make if no one in this room will speak sense."

"Uncle!" Charles looked between Anna and her retreating father before following the other man from the room.

She turned to Green, backing up when she noticed how close he crept when her focus had been on Charles. "Stay back."

"We're engaged now, Anna."

"You have my father's permission but you've not got mine. You've not asked for my hand and I wouldn't give it to you if you were the last man on the face of the earth." Anna flung out a hand and it grasped the chess piece from its position and brandished it at him. "I'll use this again."

"You were confused last time and I forgive you." Green tried to clasp his hands over hers but Anna batted him away.

"Forgive me?"

"Of course. Love is full of funny feelings like that."

Before Anna could respond the door opened again but this time it was John. He noted the scene and only took three strides to put himself between Anna and Green. "I believe Ms. Smith's actions would suggest she doesn't want you near her Mr. Green and I'd encourage you to obey her request."

"What, come to stop me again?" Green gave a satisfied smile that pulled up his lips in a horrible leer. "Then I guess it's too late for you since her father's already granted me permission to seek her hand."

"She doesn't appear to want it sought."

"Then she'll have to learn her place is to submit." Green spit but John held firm before the tirade. "I'll train it out of her."

"She's neither your horse nor your dog and if you think of her in comparison to either then you don't understand women in general or her specifically."

"What's there to understand? She spread her legs for you and she'll do it for me." Green snorted, "I worked them apart once. I could do it again."

Anna's whole body shook and her limbs ached with the strain of containing the rage roiling through her. The only thing that kept her from charging at the man and stabbing the chess piece through Green's eye was John's bulk before her. His arm held her back but the edge to his voice when he spoke sent a shiver of fear through her.

"Leave now before you do something from which you can't recover."

"Are you threatening me?"

"I'm warning. Leave now or regret whatever comes next."

"No," Green reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a pistol. "I don't think I will and I think it's you who'll leave now."

"Don't point a gun at me unless you plan to use it."

"Who says I won't?" Green stepped forward and Anna clung to John's sleeve when the barrel rested at John's heart. "Her father believed the first story. Who's to say they wouldn't believe that you attacked me and I shot you in self-defense?"

"You won't get that chance."

"Why's that?"

John moved faster than Green could anticipate and knocked the gun away. It clattered over the floor and John struck Green's cheek with his closed fist. Green sprawled to the floor and John moved Anna back toward the door.

A crack rang out and Anna watched John stumble. She shrieked and reached for him as Green took aim again. However, Green's shot only grazed John's left arm and his right raised with a gun of his own. Before Green could let off his second shot John fired.

John's shot rang true and Green stopped. His eyes blinked and he looked down at his chest as he tipped sideways. He threw out an arm and grabbed a chair but he had no strength to hold himself up and hit the floor.

The gun in his hand hit the floor as John lowered his own and slipped back to the wall. Anna came to his side and he dropped his gun to hold his bleeding arm. Her fingers shook as she took the tie he removed from his neck and followed his instructions to bind it above the wound and pull tight until John's grimace of pain was more than she could bear.

Anna went to speak but the doors opened and there were shouts and shrieks. Her father and Charles gaped at them before Charles tore from the room to call for help. Anna's mother had fainted into a chair but her grandmother only turned to yank the pull for the butler.

Everything else was a blur for Anna. The doctor and servants trying to save Green but him dying on the floor. The ghostly white face of the butler who's expression still held the disapproval at the stain now permanently in the carpet but could not comprehend the reality of what forced it there. Her father's fury and shock at the dead man on the floor and the man who shot him enduring the doctor pulling a bullet from his arm. Her grandmother immediately seeking to remedy the situation with Charles as the poor man lifted Anna's mother into his arms to carry her upstairs to rest from her ordeal. And, finally, the realization that the body removed from the library really was the last of the horrible man Anna would only now have to meet in her nightmares.

As the police arrived, questioning everyone in the house, Anna thought the world turned mad. It was not until the police left and her grandmother prodded her, that Anna realized the hour. The chimes of the clocks had left her completely unfazed and she lost the passage of time to her shock.

"Mr. Bates is resting upstairs but the doctor said he'll heal without worry. The bullet didn't do much harm." Mrs. Levinson patted Anna's arm. "And your mother was given something so I suspect she'll not be joining us again until morning."

"I expected a bit more from her, I think." Charles joined them at the table, "Being American like yourself."

"She's let England make her soft." Mrs. Levinson tapped the side of her nose.

"I guess there's justice to that."

"You know-" Ms. Levinson stopped herself responding to Charles as Lord Ravensburg entered the room.

He eyed the table and then settled on Anna, "The police have ruled it an act of self-defense and Mr. Bates is no longer of interest to them."

Anna let out a sigh of relief, "I thought they didn't believe us."

"I guess they did." He managed, lips tight together as he took the seat next to Mrs. Levinson. "But that's not the point."

"What's the point?" Anna frowned, "He protected me from the man who attacked me not once but twice."

"He's a man of violence Anna. Whatever heritage he may've shared through his time in England's been scrubbed away living in those barbarian mountains."

"We're not in the sixteenth century, father, we're in the twentieth." Anna snapped at him, "I'd hoped you'd be a bit more open minded."

"As open minded as you are about decorum?"

Anna refused to be cowed, "What I chose to do is none of your business."

"You're my daughter."

"I'm not under your roof."

"Then we'll rectify that as soon as possible." Her father dug into his food. "We're leaving as soon as your mother's ready to travel. "

"I'm not going."

"I apologize if I gave you the impression you had a choice." Her father held her gaze. "We're returning to England where you'll find someone to marry and forget about all of this."

"That'd be a difficult task for anyone." Mrs. Levinson managed, sipping at her wine to avoid the scowl Lord Ravensburg handed her.

"Don't think I don't hold you responsible for this."

"Only if you'll hold yourself to the same standard." Mrs. Levinson did not back down. "You're the one who tried to marry her to that horrible man."

"Let's not speak ill of the dead."

"Because you let us speak ill of him when he was alive?" Anna stood up, throwing her napkin on her plate. "I don't have to endure this hypocrisy."

"The hypocrisy of knowing this was all preventable if you'd been a bit more decent?" Anna froze, her mind blank as she stared at her father. "If we're looking to lay blame, let's put it at the feet of the person to whom it belongs."

"How dare you?"

"How dare you?" Her father stood, "You sully your name in England, you sully it here, and you get a man killed. Why couldn't you just behave?"

Anna did not respond, leaving the room to the sound of her father calling after her, "We're leaving as soon as possible and I expect you to be ready."

The door slammed behind her.


	21. The End of All Things

She closed her case, smiling at the letter from Gwen that was still opened on her bedside table. The signature now read 'Gwen Harding' and the words there helped her sunken heart rise slightly. But as she viewed her room, the emptiness not only in the decoration but also inside her, Anna could not give her heart any more reason to fill.

There was nothing but emptiness in her.

Someone knocked on her door and she turned, lugging the case to the top of a trunk, and gave what smile she could to John. His arm was still in a sling but he looked as fine and fashionable as ever. He surveyed the room and shrugged, "I guess this is it."

"Father's booked us tickets for the boat tomorrow." Anna turned a circle in the room. "We're back to England by this time next week."

"Anna…" John's eyes went all over the room before meeting hers. "What do you want me to do? Because all you have to do is ask and I'd do it."

Anna put a hand to his face, closing the distance to hold herself close to him. "I wish I even knew what to ask but I don't. I don't know how you can help me."

John wrapped his arm around her, clutching Anna to his chest. Her arms wrapped around his waist and she buried her face in the fabric of his waistcoat, breathing in the smell of his as if she could imprint it on her brain. They swayed a moment before her father's voice sounded in the hall.

The speed of their separation was only matched by the distaste on her father's face as he entered the room. Anna ducked her head but did not back down under his gaze. He sniffed in John's direction but otherwise ignored him, facing Anna.

"Are you ready to leave?"

"I've packed." Anna motioned to her trunks and cases. "I think I've gotten everything but if I forget something it's truly not that important."

"I'm surprised you dismissed your lady's maid."

"I didn't." Anna frowned, "She got married."

"Then we'll get a new one for you the moment we're back in England."

"I don't need a lady's maid anymore." Anna waved her hand at herself. "I can dress myself."

"And repair your clothes?"

Anna shrugged, "I've learned some mending and I'm sure a few maids wouldn't mind helping me learn the finer points of it. I do know needlepoint and embroidery."

Her father only snorted and then shook his head, "Your grandmother requests our presence for dinner. If you'd like to eat with us, that is."

"Why wouldn't I want to eat with you?"

"I don't know." Her father shot another look at John, "I was under the impression, given how you stormed away last night, that you had no interest in persisting in common decency."

Anna bit her tongue on her response and shook her head ever so slightly to stop John responding. Her father cast one more look around the room before departing. Waiting a moment to hear her father's footfall leaving the hall, Anna turned to John.

"I'm sorry about him."

"Not as sorry as I am for you about him." John reached out for her hand, taking it with his. "I wish there was something I could do."

"Like sweep me off my feet and take me far away from here?" Anna tried to pass it off as a joke but John's response told her he saw the plea in her eyes.

"If I had two arms and didn't fear the police coming after me for whisking you away, I'd snatch you now and we'd be far away by morning."

"You've no idea how much I'd want that." Anna raised his hand to her lips and kissed there, "If only we lived in a different world."

"If only." John released her hand, "We'd best get to dinner before your father accuses me of seducing you."

"I'm sure he'd say far worse since he's aware we've not been as… discrete as we should've been."

John snorted, "We could've been less discrete."

"Don't tempt me, Mr. Bates." Anna walked with him, nodding toward his arm. "How is it healing, by the way?"

"It's fully functional and healing rather nicely. The doctor said there'd barely be a scar and I don't have to have the sling but I thought it'd be better to give my arm all the aid it needs in recovery."

"If you're arm's in a sling then you can't hold me." Anna whispered as they reached the bottom of the stairs and John stopped.

"There's nothing I'd rather do but, at the moment, I think our location and the constraints on our time make that a little difficult."

"I know," Anna sighed to herself, "It's like the universe revels in keeping us apart."

"There's a sick pleasure to be had by someone because of it, that's for certain." John reached forward to open the door to the sitting room and Anna preceded him to take the seat next to her grandmother.

They talked quietly until Spratt appeared to bring them all in for dinner. John offered Anna his hand, to help her stand, but her father stood in his way. "I'll take care of my daughter, sir."

"I only offered her my hand."

"In more ways than one." Lord Ravensburg stared John down. "Why are you still here, Mr. Bates?"

"Because he's a guest of mine, not yours." Mrs. Levinson snapped, taking John's good arm. "I thought you were bred with manners."

"I have manners."

"Then perhaps we'll need someone to remind you of how you treat others, in any circumstance, but especially in homes where you're also a guest." Mrs. Levinson's face practically vibrated with rage. "I've had quite enough of you tearing down Mr. Bates under my roof and I won't stand for more. If you've nothing to say that's productive or at all kind then you'd do better to keep your mouth shut."

She dragged John out of the room and Anna removed her hand from her father's hold. Anna went to follow but her father stopped her. "Remove your hand."

"I need your attention."

"You can ask for it without keeping me in your grip." Anna extricated herself and folded her arms over herself. "What could you possibly need to tell me you haven't already expressed, at great volume, before?"

"I'm hoping I don't need to remind you that you've a reputation to protect."

"Are you worried about what I might do to further destroy my reputation?" Anna waited but her father only shuffled. "If this has something to do with my relationship with Mr. Bates-"

"It has to do with Mr. Bates being in your room, or you sharing his room, or something about a cabin where you stayed for a time."

Anna bit the inside of her cheek, "If you've heard any of these things from Mr. Green then I think-"

"Mr. Green may've had parts of his life that were less desirable-"

"Less desirable?" Anna scoffed, "You wanted me to marry someone who took me against my will. Who used my name to gain loans he couldn't pay back and…"

She stopped herself, "We're not arguing this again because there's nothing to discuss. He's dead and that's all I can hope for."

"Anna," Her father brushed his hair back. "You don't realize what this could do to you-"

"We're late for dinner." Anna turned to the door and this time her father did not reach to stop her.

The silence of dinner only broke for the scrape of utensils on plates. Occasionally Mrs. Levinson tried to speak to John or Lord Ravensburg but neither would speak. Anna kept her eyes on her plate, pushing her food around without putting her utensils to her mouth. As soon as she could, Anna left the table and retreated to the sitting room to shuffle a deck of cards until the door finally opened.

Mrs. Levinson entered, clapping her hands together. "Your mother's gone up. Says she needs a full night of sleep since she never sleeps on the ship."

"She'll find a way to put herself to sleep." Anna held up the deck, "Fancy a final game?"

"You say that like we'll never see one another again." Mrs. Levinson sat down as Anna dealt the cards. "That's not the kind of feeling I want when I see my granddaughter."

"I've the uncomfortable feeling," Anna placed the remainder of the deck between them, taking her cards to look at them. "That my father won't allow me to leave his sight until another man can put his chain over my neck and hold me in thrall."

"Normally they give rings, not chains, and they go around the finger, not the neck."

"Isn't it the same in the end?" Anna laid down her cards and drew a few others to replace them. "Whomever my father convinces to marry me will own me, the way my father hopes he does at the moment, and I'll be trapped in ballrooms with people I don't like while pretending I want to be there."

"And you don't think I won't make my way over to England to help you find a bit of enjoyment in that?" Mrs. Levinson laid down her cards and sat back, "I wouldn't mind making your father's life a bit of a headache if I could."

Anna took the cards back, shuffling again to deal. "You aren't going to tell me I should fight him?"

"I didn't think I had to tell you to do that." Mrs. Levinson took her cards and organized them before drawing some replacements. "I thought you would figure that out for yourself."

"How do I do it without destroying my family?"

"I'd say that's already destroyed." Mrs. Levinson showed her cards but Anna flashed hers and smiled. "Like this hand."

"We've all got our tricks." Anna reshuffled the deck and set it to the side. "If I run from my family, if I fight back, then won't that just put Mr. Bates in an awkward position?"

"What kind of position?"

"The kind where all of Green's lies are proven true to my father and he sends people to find me because he'll never believe I wanted to run away for myself. He'll believe Mr. Bates kidnapped me."

"Then you've got to make it very clear it wasn't Mr. Bates's decision."

"And how do I do that?" Anna sat back in her chair, "How do I publically declare to my father that Mr. Bates, despite everything my father mistakenly believes, is the man I need?"

"You'll find a way." Mrs. Levinson stood, "Though I would advise you not try to wake him up with a public declaration that you have engaged in the kind of relations only married people should share."

Anna coughed, "I haven't-"

"I'm old but I'm not dead, Anna." Mrs. Levinson bent down, kissing Anna's forehead, "And I like Mr. Bates so I'd rather not think of him in that light. If it's all the same to you."

Anna smiled and stood, kissing her grandmother's cheek. "Thank you."

"Just promise me you won't allow your father to ruin your life like Mr. Green wanted to." Mrs. Levinson rubbed at Anna's shoulder. "I couldn't bear to watch you destroyed in that way."

"Me either." Anna walked with her toward the stairs. "What made you think Mr. Bates was the man for me?"

"The way he spoke during that first dinner." Mrs. Levinson smiled, mostly to herself. "He allowed Mabel and Madeline to speak when no one else would listen. He wasn't concerned with telling everyone who he was or what he'd done but in listening. That is the kind of man you needed Anna, someone who cared what you thought instead of hoping you'd spend a lifetime raising him up."

"He's wonderful." Anna agreed, stopping outside her door. "I don't want to leave him and that's what tears at me."

"Then find a way not to leave him." Mrs. Levinson pointed toward her room. "Unfortunately all of my wisdom has drained out and I've nothing else to give you tonight."

"Goodnight Grandmama." Anna kissed her cheek again and Mrs. Levinson kissed her back.

"Goodnight Anna."

Anna watched her grandmother go into her room and put her hand to the knob at the same time. But when her grandmother's door closed, Anna still found herself in the hallway. Her eyes glazed a bit on the door and then she pushed off, marching toward John's room and entering it.

It was dark and she heard something from the bed. John's lamp flickered on and he squinted at her in the brightness before his eyes widened. "Anna? What are you doing here?"

She did not answer. Instead, Anna worked the buttons of her dress loose. Each one felt like an eternity before she could free her body so John could look at her. So she could bask in the glow of someone willing to give honest appraisal with absolute sincerity. And when her body was finally free, a little shiver at the chill of the room temporarily stopping her progress, Anna crossed to the bed.

John, either in shock or confusion, had not moved. He lay immobile but pliant as Anna worked his sleep shirt over his head. Her fingers traced over the muscles and skin she knew so well, felt over jutting bones while she dipped into the nuances of his body with her tongue. The hiss that escaped his teeth told her all she needed to know as Anna worked his trousers from his legs.

Then, when he lay under her as naked as she was, Anna put her knees on either side of his hips. John's tentative hand on her thigh, just above the knee, trembled but he forced it to hold firm as he looked up at her. "Anna?"

"Please," She put her hands on either side of his face, holding him steady as she straddled him with her body resting on his stomach and his slowly rising erection thickening at the crease of her ass. "Please give me this. If this is the last time we have this chance I don't-"

But whatever else she planned to say flew from her mind. John responded without needing to hear her plea with words. One hand went behind him so he could rise up and kiss her. He shifted ever so slightly under her to sit up and Anna moaned into his mouth at the brush of his arousal against her growing wetness.

They held one another close a moment, breaking their kiss without realizing it, just to hold one another close. Anna breathed, her forehead resting on his with her hands on his neck, and lost herself in the rhythm of his heart. When she raised her head, to look in his eyes, her hands cupped his face again.

"I never want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you." The light on his bedside table reflected in the tears in his eyes. "I can't live life without you Anna. I'm nothing without you."

Anna fought past the ache in her heart and seized his lips. They shifted against one another, both trying to meet in the middle but seeming to drive one another away in the urgency of their efforts. Her hand fumbled behind her as she reached for him and scraped her nails along him enough to send John grunting into her shoulder. They shifted and Anna lifted up just enough onto her knees to feel him at her entrance.

But John did not move toward her or even bring Anna toward him. Instead, one of his hands went to her hips and the other stroked at her clit. One of Anna's hands grabbed his shoulder and held herself as steady as she could while John glided over her folds. He did not look away from her face and Anna continually forced herself to open her eyes or blinked rapidly so she would not fall to the rising pleasure. Her body practically hummed with it and each slip and slide, each teasing exploration that sent his fingers deeper inside her or touched with just a bit more energy had her leaving marks in his shoulder and seeing spots of black at the edges of her vision as she forgot to breathe.

When it came, that glorious moment they shared together, Anna finally shut her eyes. It may have been her imagination but the taste on her tongue told her she bit through her lip in the strain of keeping silent. But all that mattered to her, as her mind tried to sweep away the fog of the moment, was that John's eyes never left her.

"I want to remember you like that. In that instant where the world doesn't matter because you're so wrapped in ecstasy it's all burning anyway." John brushed an escaping strand of hair from her forehead. "That's the expression I could paint forever and never get right."

"Let me see it on you." Anna lifted his hand from her and finally sank down, giving relief to her shaking legs and driving John's eyes back into his forehead.

She shifted and rocked, gyrating on him to try and build the tension in his body. However, his hands controlled his thrusts and with the control he had it was all Anna could do to keep pace with him. Soon they writhed together, seeking the sensations and emotions they needed for John to finally tip over the edge.

Anna watched him then, as he watched her, and held him close when he tried to pull away. The adjustment rubbed her still sensitive nerves and her buried her finish in his neck as he did the same to her. Their hands slipped for holds as they tried to crawl into the other's skin just to be closer… Just to share their hearts for a moment longer.

A slight turn put them on their sides and Anna worked herself next to John. Her fingers intertwined with his as her head settled on his shoulder. After a moment Anna started, wet drops striking her head through her hair. She turned to look at John and saw his tears as they coursed silently down his cheeks.

Reaching up to wipe them away, Anna felt her own tears. The tears for the future they wanted to build together. Tears for the moment torn from them. Tears for the terrors and pains they endured. Tears for those memories they shared with no one else and the sounds they might never hear from one another again. And tears for the inevitable dawn that could only bringing misery to them both.

Eventually they dozed against one another, the weight of emotions and the exertions of their evening bearing down to leave them exhausted and slumbering in the comfort of one another. A comfort Anna wished would last forever. A comfort disturbed as John's kisses started from her forehead.

He worked down her body, placing her gently on her back, and left no patch of kiss untouched or unloved. The devotion in his efforts, the unparalleled commitment, had Anna clutching for his sheets. And John only worked harder when one of her hands found his hair and tried to steer him where her body begged for him again.

It was a testament to his fortitude as well as his control when John followed her instructions to a fault. He did not succumb to her pleas or her whimpers but worked her higher and higher, only to back away at the moment Anna wanted to crash. And when his lips and fingers finally brought her to climax for the third time. Anna could only let her legs fall open as her body lost all energy.

Again, John did not follow the implied directive. He kissed up her body, back to her lips, and brought her back to him instead. But even he was powerless when Anna wrapped her leg over his hip and yanked him closer. Powerless when Anna's tilted hips and practice slid him deep inside her. And powerless when she whispered in her ear.

Her fingers sought the places she could encourage John forward. She tugged at his earlobe when she told him, in explicit detail, what she wanted from him. And Anna's hand found better purchase at his ass when her legs pulled toward her chest and spread wider. But her greatest achievement came when her lips touched his with a murmur of 'I love you'.

That was the moment he lost all control.

The bed rocked and squeaked slightly but Anna had no time to care. With the steady beat of John rutting into her, striking as deeply as he could manage to go, there was nothing and no one but them on that bed. The moment Jon wanted to paint forever came to Anna in an instant and she could imagine seeing herself when she came.

But nothing, and Anna wondered if she could swear to that until her dying day, matched watching John's expression as he finished for a second time. Or match the feeling of him deep inside her to leave a gift her body would never appreciate but would always mean the world to Anna. That moment when they might have made life… had the lives they led treated them a bit more kindly.

When the dark settled around them, Anna stroking over John's head as he lay on her stomach and stared into the corners of the room, the tears came again. Anna's skin tingled where his dripped over her and Anna wondered if she sufficiently soaked John's pillow. There, in the dark, they wept for the lives they could never have with one another.

* * *

The crush suffocated Anna as they pressed and mashed together to get to the boat. Her fingers clutched so tightly against her case handles she was sure she left permanent marks on her fingers. But all the while they moved forward

Despite her father's reservations, both loudly spoken and less loudly expressed, John accompanied them to the boat. And as his larger bulk pushed through the crowds to make a trail for them, Anna voiced her gratitude with frequent looks at her father. He ignored her.

Eventually their tickets and position earned them a priority place in the line and Anna tried to stay near John but the officers around the ship pushed him to the side. They followed one another's progress instead and Anna stood at the bottom of the gangplank to board the ship when John finally called out to her. She had to yell back to hear him but it proved unnecessary as he pushed his way through to her, seizing her hand and ignoring those yelling for him to return to his spot in the crowd.

"Anna, I know that I've nothing your father wants. I have no title, not pedigree, no name, and no standing in any kind of society but I've you and that's all I need. I can build us a house with these two hands, I can work land, and I will do everything in my power to make you happy. All I know is that I love you and there's nothing in this world I could ever love as I love you. If you leave me today whatever life I live will be half of what it could've been with you and, if you promise, I would wait forever for you."

Anna could not respond, the crowd pushing her forward so their hands wrenched apart. She fought against them, a hand gripping like a vice on her arm tugging her back. With a turn that nearly upset someone into the water between the dock and the boat she saw her father.

"Don't be a fool, Anna. What could he ever give you?"

"Everything." Anna yanked herself away, slipping a bit on the wet deck. "He's everything I need and that's all he's got to give me and he has. Like I've given myself to him."

"This is nonsense."

"This is love." Anna plunged back through the crowd, dodging her father's grip and ignoring the shouts of irritation behind her.

Her steps hurried on the plank and the wake of destruction behind her drew attention. Enough attention to have John stop in his tracks to stare at her. And enough so that when Anna flung herself back into his arms, her own wrapping tightly about his neck, some of the onlookers clapped.

"I choose you." She almost had to shout into his ear over the frustrations and shouts of those about them. "I love you and I'm going wherever you go."

John lifted her more fully into his arms and walked out of the station with her. They found the first cab they could and held onto one another tightly. They stopped first at a telegraph office, for Anna to leave a short but concise note as to her future whereabouts, and then at a registrar's office. There, before two witnesses and the registrar, they married.

The cab took them back toward Anna's grandmother's house and Anna wrapped herself around John to be closer to him. John bent down, kissing her head, and breathed in deeply before speaking. "What'll they say about it all?"

"That I missed the boat and made a scene."

"I'm being serious."

"So was I." Anna glanced up at him while trying to snuggle impossibly closer. "But that's for them to worry over. I've only got you to worry about now."

"And I get to worry about you."

Anna grinned, kissing him, "I hope I won't be too much of a bother to you, Mr. Bates."

"I don't see that happening at all Mrs. Bates."

"I like the sound of that."

"Good, because it's your name for as long as you want it."

"Then," Anna kissed him again, "I think I'll just keep it forever."


	22. Epilogue: At the Edge of the World

For the second time in my life I caused a horrendous scandal. But I think a little too much of my American heritage came out in me because I couldn't find it in myself to care. Not about the scandal, or my parents' attitude, or the horrible things they wrote about me in papers or whispered in ballrooms.

I didn't find myself in many ballrooms.

Those aren't the places people go when they have to manage a ranch. And I never enjoyed them anyway. All that hot air filling the room until you're irritable, sweaty, and in a generally foul disposition while pretending you'd not rather be anywhere else but there… I'm glad to be rid of them.

My father cut me off from the family and died a year later. They said it was complications in an ulcer but I never did get the full details. Charles wanted to tell me but when the lines of communication severed as war broke out it was all I could do to find out what was happening to England in general much less my family.

The loss drove my mother almost mad with grief and she left England for America. My grandmother hosted her until she finally forced my mother to reenter society. That was when she found herself a kindly gentleman living in the south. The last I heard, they lived in much smaller accommodations than my mother had ever had before but she loved it and he loved her. In the end, that is all anyone can hope to have. It was what I found.

John and I were not perfect. When he felt it was his duty to serve I argued and pleaded for him to stay but he would not. For a time I was tempted to remain stubborn in my anger and never write him. But when my best friend lost her husband to the war I knew I would hate myself forever if the last words I said to my husband were cross ones.

Unlike Gwen, my John returned home. His leg was badly wounded and eventually he lost it but we've found the wonders of science make things like that manageable. Like the children we raise in our house.

The three redheaded children that pelt about like wild things under the calm instruction of their mother and the few others coming in and out. They were Mrs. Hughes's suggestion. When I found I could not bear children John and I turned to adoption. And they never stopped coming.

And then our own came. He was small, bawling, and we almost lost him. But he fought and we fought and soon he grew up among the other children in our house. Our little dark-haired miracle with an unbreakable spirit. The child we never thought we'd have.

It's times like that, as I stare out across the valley or catch glimpses of the ocean, or try my hand at painting I revel in it. I remember the road that brought me here, to the end of the world, and threatened to throw me from the edge until John saved me.

There was a time I was afraid to face myself. I could not bear the shame and the scorn of the world. Now I find none of that matters. All I need is a smile from my son, or to listen for the laughs of my children, or to struggle to breathe under the attentions of my husband and I find myself. There, in the moments when joy and happiness engulf me, I find the person I lost. Then I can face myself again with pride.


End file.
